To think you should compliment someone’s home?

[freeabdhappy]

If they are your friend and it’s their first time visiting?

I always tell my friends how nice I think their homes are when I visit - even if it’s not to my taste in the slightest.

No.

Sometimes it feels like certain Mumsnetters have never actually interacted with a human being in real life before.

Of course you say something nice about someone's home

I feel I am in a minority on MN sometimes, as I love interacting with people. I mix with all sorts of people throughout each week. Indeed I've just got in from a social occasion where I only knew dh one of his colleagues (and I've met his colleague's wife before) but where everyone else was a stranger to me, and I've had a lovely time. I have loads of friends and am also very happy mixing with people I am friendly with, and people I barely know. I just like to chat and get on with most people.

But don't comment on people's homes when I see them, unless there is something particularly noticeably different or lovely. Same as I don't go into work each day and start commenting on people's hair dos. I don't go to my hobby and start making personal remarks about someone's clothes.
It's just odd.
If I saw someone dressed up for a wedding that I usually saw in football boots and tracksuits or kit, then I would say something about how we all scrub up nicely. If I went to someone's house I go to regularly and they'd had a complete and obvious change, then I'd comment.

So I'd comment, if something was completely different, not every week when I walk through their front door - that would just be bizarre.

I don't think giving false compliments is necessary. Neither is scrutinising the place for something to comment on if theres nothing to your taste.

A genuine compliment is nice but only if it comes to you naturally.

Different if it's a young person's first place or someone has just moved in but I don't need all and sundry to comment on my choice of decor unless they genuinely like something. Instead, one of my best friends helpfully pointed out that she didn't like my curtains, that was a refreshing approach!!

The OP says you should compliement on the first time visiting regardless. Regardless. Shithole or not. Vile decor or not. Stunning interior or not. Regardless.

Right.

It is to most people. Manners, showing affection, showing care. Taking an interest in others' lives.

Admiring someone's curtains isn't taking an interest in their lives.

Traditionally, hundreds of years ago, it was considered bad manners to compliment someone’s home or clothes. Because it should be taken as read that it’s lovely iyswim.

But in the modern day it’s considered good manners I think

Yes it is, it's making conversation.

As usual, the MN ableism is strong.

I wouldn’t lie because it’s not in my natural due to my neurodivergence so I wouldn’t compliment something I didn’t think needed complimenting.
I would show my friendship by asking my friend about themselves and if they’d just moved house or redecorated etc I would probably ask a logistical question about whatever the scenario is.

Of course it is.

especially if they went out and bought the curtains last week.

obviously you don’t compliment the curtains every time you go round until the end of time. Once will do, and if they’re absolutely ghastly then you’re not compelled to say something nice but really none of this is hard!

if your friend has been excited to get the curtains and she’s saved up for months/had the especially shipped from Mongolia/ hand sewed them herself then it’s actually quite mean to ignore them entirely

For the vast majority of people of course saying nice things about the things your friends care about or interested in is totally normal.

It’s always possible to say something positive.

My favourite example of all time, from The Good Life. Barbara and Tom had made Margot and Jerry (hideous) jumpers on their home made loom. Jerry opened the newspaper package, looked at the contents askance for a second or two then said along the lines of “I can honestly say, that on the right occasion, these would be the perfect things to wear” . Boom. 🤣

Agreed, but that isn't what the OP asked.

She seems to suggest that every time you go into a house, you should comment on it.
That's just weird.
I'm picking my sister up tomorrow to go somewhere - I'm not going to say "Ooh, nice carpet / settee / curtains" when I get there. I've seen them before.

Two weeks ago, I went to the home of someone I've known a few years for a BBQ. Their home hasn't (to my eyes) changed from when I was last there about 2 years ago, so I didn't comment on it. I asked about her, and her life and what she was up to now, and what the dc were up to now. Because I am interested in her not her house.

and also lying to your friends is damn rude. if they have something new in their house, then you would comment wouldn't you. but it's flipping weirdly formal and insincere to comment on someone's house for the sake of it. its more LIKELY that you might be moved to comment on a new hairstyle, jumper, pet etc...but otherwise don't you just get down to the chat about what's going on in each others lives?

🤣🤣🤣

how would I know if my friends were making weird small talk about the inside of my house and lying about admiring parts of it?? give over! 🤣

the idea that those of us that don't feel the need to make insincere comments about a person's decor are the ones with poor social skills is ridiculous

I think what it shows is that the house-commenters should all stick together, keeping each other happy with weird platitudes. and the none-house commenters can just avoid the inanity of it. and best the 2 groups don't mix!

Agreed, but that isn't what the OP asked

@NewName24 I was responding directly to the poster who I quoted who was claiming it’s not normal to to say nice things about the things your friends care about or see interested in, not the OP

although in any event the Op explicitly asks about how you behave on a first visit, so I don’t think she does mean paying a compliment on every visit

It is of no surprise at all that the posters who have - in a spectacular misinterpretation of the OP - turned this into a thread about “deliberately lying to a friend” are the same posters who think paying compliments is weird.

But this is exactly it... a compliment delivered in a heart felt manner. What the OP and others are talking about here is "shoulds", "manners", "being polite", "finding something to like". It is all forced and fake.
And if you refuse to fake it, you are now labeled jealous. Total madness.. It's like people forgot how to have relationships and, instead, are walking around with rule books.
Compliment the house. Tick

I agree OP and all those saying ‘I wouldn’t lie’…I bloody would! ‘Ah your house is gorgeous’ when invited round just feels the nice thing to say and makes people feel good. Why wouldn’t you?

The amount of times I’ve said ‘love the new hair’ when someone’s had an obvious change even if I think they look considerably worse….!

Then you are a disingenuous friend

So you’d compliment a bad hair cut, allowing a friend to think it’s a good thing and repeat the style? Whereas I wouldn’t comment and I’m the rude one?

“This room has exactly the same proportions, on a smaller scale of course, to the throne room in Buckingham Palace!”