To think you should compliment someone’s home?

[freeabdhappy]

If they are your friend and it’s their first time visiting?

I always tell my friends how nice I think their homes are when I visit - even if it’s not to my taste in the slightest.

based on what?

The comments on this thread and others.

The implication is that I should be offended if my friends don't compliment my home - which they might not as they're under no obligation to share my taste.

If they see something they like and mention it, fine. But I don't want them making an actual effort to find something to compliment.

What's the point of that for either of us? Who benefits?

That’s not the implication though is it.

Well, I think so, yeah. People are saying it's polite to do it, and impolite not to do it. Apparently, as the homeowner, I should consider the lack of a compliment impolite.

Actually, I tend the other way. I generally find vacuous compliments impolite. The implication in that case is that I'm either too stupid or too shallow to recognise it for what it is.

Not so much, no. Like it’s polite to take a house warming gift when someone buys. New home. Or a gift for the host if going for dinner, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be offended if they don’t.

Oh, it's nothing like those examples, will you give over!

I live in a dump and it completely irritates when people compliment me on it. It feels disingenuous and I’d prefer to have an honest compliment.

Mumsnetters frequently lose their shit over people not buying gifts when they come for dinner.

I visit lots of homes through my work and I always try to share something positive. Even if it's just a comment on family photos or the view of the garden. Just generally helps put people at ease a little

No. I couldn't care less about people's homes. I go to see them, not their houses. I also can't be doing with people who apologise about the mess when I visit - what's that about?! If you're worried, then tidy up before I get there; if you're not, then don't point it out. As long as the cup you're offering me tea in (or the glass you're offering me wine in...) is clean, then who cares!

I’m sure a lot of them feel properly patronised by you, well meaning though you sound.

Well said @PerkyMintDeer

I am so sorry you have to put up with such arrogant rudeness from @freeabdhappy

Very well said.

Oh…I was a bit confused by the first post - probably wouldn’t compliment someone’s house, myself, but each to their own. But then the tone of your responses have been really mean-spirited…makes me think any compliment from you wouldn’t really mean anything. At least this poster is honest with her friends.

@kay1bee · Today 18:37

As long as the cup you're offering me tea in (or the glass you're offering me wine in...) is clean, then who cares!

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Apparently, in that situation, and having failed to compliment any other aspect of the home, it would be polite to say, "Gosh, this wineglass is positively gleaming! Just look at the lack of smears! Did you polish this yourself? You must, must tell me what kind of tea-towel you use! It's almost too pristine to put wine in, isn't it? Wait, wait - before you pour, let me take a picture of it. Hold it up to the light for me... Lovely! I shall be posting this on my FB glassware group..."

I wouldn't say I like it if I don't. But yes I'd find some things nice to say about it. But if they didn't say anything, they may have forgotten to pay the compliment or perhaps they're a bit green eyed ! I wouldn't give a toss though.

I think I probably do compliment on a first visit. If not the interior then I’ll find something else I can say is nice. I have a friend who is very messy, it would be nigh on impossible to find something positive to say tbh.

Well isn’t it ironic. You think it’s rude that someone didn’t compliment your house. They broke some unwritten rule in your rule book. But apparently making bitter comments about others is not rude. Oh no. It’s apparently perfectly acceptable because you always compliment other’s houses and, therefore, appear to be a picture of politeness among your circle of friends. Never mind your online conduct… right?

No! I only compliment if i mean it otherwise you are just lying so why bother!

Not ‘over the top’. I’ve certainly been given, and not because I asked, detailed house tours by people I didn’t know well (general coffee after school drop off, or a book group, I didn’t know their surnames and had never been to their houses before) which literally involved walking around an ordinary three-bed semi, getting chapter and verse on where they got the tiles, who put down the stair runner, and exactly what the kitchen design person said about the corner unit.

I was perfectly polite and complimentary, obviously, but I was afraid that any comments would lengthen things even more. I mean, surely most people recognise that no one wants to hear in detail about all the tiles they decided not to go for, or see lots of photos of what the living room looked like the walls were painted Dulux Whatsit?

😂

@DinnerOnTheGrass goddamn it, now I want to know, what did the kitchen design person say about the corner unit??

It couldn’t be done, apparently! What this woman wanted (some kind of carousel for saucepans?) was logistically impossible. Until she made him see the light. And Howdens lit up with a celestial light.

Or I think so. This was happening in 2013, and I left the UK since, so I’m a bit fuzzy on the detail.