To think you should compliment someone’s home?

[freeabdhappy]

If they are your friend and it’s their first time visiting?

I always tell my friends how nice I think their homes are when I visit - even if it’s not to my taste in the slightest.

No. I don't. I also don't want people saying it in my house either.

I'm not a big fan of pointless 'etiquette', lists of rules of what to say and do that indicates that you are the right sort of person.

I value genuineness much more.

I equally hate people saying when they meet me that they like my hair or that I'm looking well or have lost weight when my hair is scraggly, I look like death and another 1/2 stone has joined the gang.

If they are your friends you shouldn't need to say things you don't mean.

It doesn’t have to be a lie, most people can find something positive to say and at the same time most people like to be on the receiving end of praise.

Lifting people up a little is a nice thing to do.

Perhaps I've misunderstood what a compliment is. Saying "oh you have your grandmum's teapot out" isn't a compliment to me, it's just a comment about something I've noticed.

My brother and SIL recently had their kitchen redone. I don't particularly like it - I think the layout is bad, and I find their choice of units, flooring and tiles really jaring. So I am not going to lie and tell them I love the new kitchen. Instead I said "the space is really much bigger now you've moved that wall" which is a factual comment, but not really a compliment, but not something anyone could take offence to either. I can see that not saying anything would be impolite.

Not at all. I don't think I've ever been in a home where I couldn't find a single positive thing to say.

Slightly to my surprise I find myself agreeing with you OP, but it's one of those unwritten (NT?) "rules" that I've been following all my adult life without even realising I was doing it.

Well, there’s usually something nice to say.

However I voted YABU. I don’t think it’s necessary or a knee-jerk reaction like “Thank you” prompts “You’re welcome” or “I’m sorry for your loss” on a bereavement.

If you see something you can comment on positively, that’s nice, but it isn’t a significant part of the social interaction.

I certainly wouldn’t notice if someone came to my house the first time and didn’t say anything about it.

Depends what kind of friend, if I didn't like it I would find something else to talk about it, if I did like it I might mention, but generally I'd be specific rather than just generic.
I think being fake would stop you having a closer friendship, even though it sounds nice it's actually not a great idea.

No it shouldn’t matter if other people like my house/clothes/style/taste but actually it’s lovely when they do and even lovelier when they say so.

It serves as a little boost. Once if the strangest things I’ve learnt on MN is that some people are genuinely offended by compliments but I love them! And because I love them I choose to give them liberally. I have never had anyone respond poorly.

Who the fuck is coming up with these random ideas of "good manners "? 🤨

I can usually find something I like in someone's house, so I will say so! If you can improve someone's day even just a tiny bit, why wouldn't you?

I would never say ‘your house is lovely’ if it wasn’t. I might try and find something to say something nice about, but I wouldn’t be fake if the decor was hideous.

I went to a colleague’s house recently. Her decor was what I’d call ‘Mrs Hinch’ - lots of grey, lots of bling and things like a mirror in the shape of angel wings and plastic fake topiary in boxes either side of the front door. The nicest thing I could think of to say was how spotless it was, and it really was.

surely you can give a genuine compliment ..oh you have your grandmums teapot out… or some thing like that

How is that a compliment? It's just a comment. If you'd said ... oh I love your grandma's teapot, it's so beautiful... that's a compliment.

I’m not lying to my friends. Gosh why does MN have to deep everything.

What do you think I do, push my friend out the way, fall to my knees and declare this is the most beautiful home I’ve ever seen whilst wiping my eyes on the sofa cushions?

Or my friend bought her first house and brought us over to see it, she loves it and whilst it’s not decorated to my taste (why would it be?) I still said how nice she’d decorated etc

It’s a compliment to the teapot or to the grandmother’s taste. Owning the teapot is good fortune- luck.

It’s this type of lie dressed up as etiquette and politeness that makes life hard for me as a neurodiverse woman.

I never do unless asked directly if I like something and even then I find it can be awkward because I will be honest if I like it or not, they ask I tell. I'm there to see them not the contents of their house and prefer not to be asked.
Some friends ask because they want to brag about it & want you to be jealous of what they have, which I never am, I really don't care what anyone else owns.

Re the boost, I was at a do a while ago, colleague arrived, kiss on the cheek you look lovely. Oh thank you. Realised 2 mins later that they were saying the same to every single person. That was the opposite of a boost, well even worse as I'd actually thought they meant it. More fool me of course, I usually assume all compliments are rubbish - which this thread reinforces which is helpful.

Used to have a female colleague who would compliment something every time we interacted, I did want to say to her Angela you know you wouldn't be seen dead in what I was wearing and vice versa so please give it a rest.

So compliments are nice, but people can spot a serial complimenter a mile off - find something else to lie about!

If someone clearly wanted a compliment ('let me show you my new kitchen colour!' etc) I'd say something even if it it was a tiny lie/evasive e.g. 'It's brighter than before, isn't it?'
But unprompted I don't tend to remark on people's houses if I don't genuinely like them and feel like doing so. I don't expect it from people either; I think with good friends they're there to see you, not judge the house, and with others, while I say e.g. 'How nice of you to have me over' and like it if people say similar to me, I wouldn't give specific compliments that I didn't mean.

Of course you should always look to say something kind and positive to a friend. I really try to make a point of doing it. It doesn’t matter if you like their taste or not, so it’s not ‘lying’ to try to find something nice to say. It’s just how social interaction works really. It makes people feel good and feel that you value them and want them to feel happy. There’s nothing wrong with that.

this. If they want to show me something newly done or I got the "would you like to see the house" then I'd compliment, but I'd be led by the conversation and not do it routinely. Honestly I'd find it a bit odd if someone did it to me.

You’re only friends with people who have similar taste to yours?

I'm not offended by genuine compliments however I don't need them to feel happy with my choices either. 😬

Neither of the things you mention are compliments, they're just observations.

I don't expect people to tell me my house is nice? Only if they really did like it? I wouldn't be offended if they didn't say anything

Yes it's the polite thing to do.

I can only imagine that it would sound rude and patronising to compliment a house you didn't like. Just keep schtum.

Family member previously "complimented my "big beautiful house" when it's small and ugly. They may as well have spelled out small amd ugly. I was stung.