To think you should compliment someone’s home?

[freeabdhappy]

If they are your friend and it’s their first time visiting?

I always tell my friends how nice I think their homes are when I visit - even if it’s not to my taste in the slightest.

Being observant and scrutinising are two completely different things.

A friend of mine gives loads of compliments. I find it pretty wearing to be honest. It’s hard to explain, I think it’s because she also will say things like ‘you look gorgeous, I hate you’, and genuinely seems to think it’s complimentary to be jealous. So to me, her compliments feel hollow and like self flagellation on her part - more about her than me. And I just don’t play the game.

I know this isn’t your question though but she comes to mind when I think of this obligatory compliment idea you are mooting. I think at a first visit I’d often naturally compliment things I’m seeing for the first time, but I’d never lie if I disliked it - just stay silent.

I only compliment someone's home if I genuinely think it's nice. Or if it looks like they're very house proud and want me to say something?! Lol. So I guess most of the time. I've been to some single male friends houses where saying that would raise an eyebrow and a dry laugh.
It's polite to say but not necessary. You can always thank people in other ways.
It could sound a bit patronising if the person was living in a rat infested HMO bedsit or had mould covering their walls.

I agree OP.
I also really appreciate compliments about my home

My favourite one was when a bunch of us were invited to a Christmas party in a very straight talking GP friend's house. They'd not long moved in and had prioritised creating an open plan kitchen/diner/huge living space first which was gorgeous and where the party was being held.

To get there you had to go through the hall...bare walls and floorboards with dust sheets scattered about and cables/obstacles to climb over, no lampshades, bannister and railings under plastic.

The amount of people who, upon entering what was essentially a building site responded to,

"Ignore this mess, Richie has lost the key for the back gate - just come in this way, be careful on your way as it's a bombsite and head all the way down the hall to the kitchen!"

with an awkward...

"Oh, it's not a mess at all!!! The WALLS are such a beautiful/unusual/stunning/interesting colour/have such unusual patterns" was bizarre.

It was bare, still drying plaster, at various stages of drying hence the "patterns". And her weary responses got more blunt and exasperated as the arrival faff went on!

scrutinising?

I do wonder if some of this is envy, people not happy with their own homes so don’t want to compliment any one else’s. Same for appearance.

A lot of people love bare plaster and try to emulate it.

Seriously?!

You'd wonder how the paint industry survives, really...

It's not hood manners to lie though 😉

I will compliment something I like.

I won't comment if I don't like it.

I may not say anything about things if I don't like them though.

In some cases I may seek something positive to say.

Are you actually my GP friend?! Because that's what she said. Hi Fran!

I'd be bringing you mushrooms to test that theory.

I've had friends apologise for the mess, they've not vacuumed, not had time to catch up on laundry etc etc. Hadn't even noticed til it was mentioned, still didn't care after it was.

Don't believe in false pleasantries either. Have complimented a friend's lovely mirror, genuinely liked it. Equally told same friend a rug didn't go with anything else in the room. She liked the rug, she bought accents to tie the rug in - looked great then and she loved her rug even more.

Best mate doesn't like my enthusiasm for glitter on things, he doesn't hide this. Unfortunately for him, his wife started embracing her inner glitter bug.

True friends are honest with each other.

Yup; farrow and ball even have a paint called setting plaster.

They also have one called Dead Salmon. And Elephants Breath.

They're just names.

DM taught me that it was rude to comment because it showed that you were looking/judging.

How can it be bad manners to lie if only you know it’s a little fib. Clearly we all like different things as otherwise our homes would all be the same.

if someone has spent time or money on something of course I’m going to say oh wow looks fantastic, not just stand there silently. That is bad manners.

🙄

From f&bs website.
So no, not just a name.

A dusty plaster pink
This dusty pink is named after the blushing walls we often admire in newly plastered houses. It is definitely a pink in historic terms, but has a certain softness to it due to the inclusion of yellow pigment. Our timeless Setting Plaster creates a wonderful backdrop to antique furniture, and also works incredibly well when paired with Mahogany in a more contemporary home.

@PerkyMintDeer 🤣🤣🤣

False pleasantries to a cringe level.

My guests absolutely would be more likely comment (jokingly) the party is a lie, we're here to decorate!

It literally looked like this.

I doubt anyone wanted to emulate this. Especially at the peak of the "peach/warmth is the enemy, everything must be grey and white" trend.

It did come across as extremely disingenuous.

If I don't like it I won't compliment it.

FFS what has happened to people's manners are you really so self absorbed ?

OF COURSE you say nice things !! Does it cost you anything ?

I love how spacious the room is, and there’s great light.
see, it’s easy!

I’ve had bare concrete walls- it’s not to everyone’s taste. But the ones who don’t like it compliment the view out the window.

Being snippy and making people feel small because they’ve tried to pay you/your home a compliment isn’t charmingly down to earth, it’s having poor social skills.

Oh, fgs. Are you so desperate for compliments?