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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be suspicious about DH

1000 replies

JustMissNobody · 17/08/2024 23:00

i can’t sleep and been going out of my mind all day wondering what the hell is going on and what to do. DH announced he was taking a week off on Friday out of the blue, he’s self employed. No mention of intentions of doing so prior to this. And then followed this with he thinks he’ll go away for a few days or a week. I was dumbstruck.

firstly because this is so far out of character to just take time off without mentioning anything prior and I’ve asked about us going away so many times just for even a couple of days if he can’t take a week off and he’s consistently told me he can’t because of work, or other commitments. His other commitments have also been miraculously dealt with too. So from telling me on Friday afternoon, he’s booked a holiday leaving Sunday morning for 5 days, and all this as apparently been dealt with with no pre planning.

its so not like him and going away solo? I never dreamed in a million years he’d be someone that could do that, he’s not a very social person, doesn’t go out drinking etc. I asked him if he was going with someone and he totally went off the deep end. He went upstairs about 2.30 this afternoon packing for his trip and he’s been sat in the bedroom ever since and refusing to speak to me. I’m now in the spare room because he’s still got a face on with me and ignoring me. WTAF?

OP posts:
comedycentral · 17/08/2024 23:04

He's being unreasonable to drop this on you at short notice. Do you have children? I wonder if something has happened though? Could it be mental health related? Sudden loss of money in the business? Could he be in trouble?

SauviGone · 17/08/2024 23:05

If my husband did this it’d be so out of character I’d assume he was having some kind of mental health breakdown.

Is all well with his business?

Cas112 · 17/08/2024 23:07

I'd presume it was something to do with mental health unless there is other things that follow 'the script' that make you suspicious

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2024 23:07

I'd assume either

A, an affair
B, crisis of some kind
C, mental health issues

The lack of discussion, unexpectedness of it.

Ponoka7 · 17/08/2024 23:08

It's either a breakdown or an affair. Is he close to any family members? I'd be telling them what's going on.

JustMissNobody · 17/08/2024 23:08

We have been having a few problems in our marriage that’s why I asked if he was going alone. No money issues with the business, all going well. He has been very busy and tired so can understand needed a break or time out but just deciding to go away when he’s never done it before? Children are all grown up.

OP posts:
WindsurfingDreams · 17/08/2024 23:09

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2024 23:07

I'd assume either

A, an affair
B, crisis of some kind
C, mental health issues

The lack of discussion, unexpectedness of it.

Yes, one of these three.

XChrome · 17/08/2024 23:10

His out of proportion reaction says it all. Odds are he is going with somebody else.
Even if he wasn't, taking off alone with no warning or consultation is crazy and disrespectful behaviour. I do hope he comes home and finds you've changed the locks and left his stuff in a pile by the door.

DaisyChain505 · 17/08/2024 23:10

You need to have a non confrontational chat about this and be completely honest.

Tell him that his actions are completely out of character and it’s really setting you on edge/worrying you.

as PP has said the most obvious answers are an affair, mental health troubles or some sort of crisis that you don’t know of.

JustMissNobody · 17/08/2024 23:15

I’ve tried a few times today calmly to ask if we can just sit and have a chat but he’s been completely unwilling to speak to me about anything. Been really defensive when I’ve asked if everything is ok but something just didn’t feel right in my gut when he said he’d booked the flight this morning

OP posts:
Spyro48 · 17/08/2024 23:16

I would be insisting on an explanation before he went anywhere. Where's the holiday to? Are there kids involved?

CinnamonTart · 17/08/2024 23:17

Can you ask him outright if there’s anyone else?

JustMissNobody · 17/08/2024 23:20

I’m peed off because we’ve been together 34 yrs and never had a holiday away together despite my requests once the children got older. We had day trips with the DCs but we couldn’t afford holidays when they were younger.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 17/08/2024 23:21

Ask to see the booking confirmation email.

if he is going with someone else there’s a chance he booked their ticket too (but also a chance they have booked separately)

I would want to see confirmation of the hotel as well and be ringing them when he was there to ask if he’s with someone in a round about way!

Wherearethestarsthen · 17/08/2024 23:21

Why is he so defensive

JustMissNobody · 17/08/2024 23:21

CinnamonTart · 17/08/2024 23:17

Can you ask him outright if there’s anyone else?

I’ve asked him this he just gets a huff on with me and storms off

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 17/08/2024 23:21

Bloody hell - you have never had a family holiday, what a bastard.

CinnamonTart · 17/08/2024 23:22

I’d start getting cross and demanding an answer.

CinnamonTart · 17/08/2024 23:23

Ask him how he’d feel if you suddenly booked a flight to a week’s holiday ... alone.

Neodymium · 17/08/2024 23:23

Why can’t you go with him?

NowImNotDoingIt · 17/08/2024 23:24

I’ve asked him this he just gets a huff on with me and storms off

So what? The relationship is fucked anyway, or as close to it as possible (especially if he does end up going). You don't have anything to lose, so push for answers. Tbh, if it was me I'd tell him if he goes like that, to not bother coming back.

JustMissNobody · 17/08/2024 23:25

Wherearethestarsthen · 17/08/2024 23:21

Why is he so defensive

I don’t know he’s been like that a lot lately now I come to think about it

OP posts:
Nightowl1234 · 17/08/2024 23:25

Wow I wouldn’t put up with that. Agree with the others that you should say you’re going too. If he refuses, I suggest turning full detective mode - see if you can access texts, emails etc. Check bank statements. Find out what hotel he’s in and turn up!

letmego24 · 17/08/2024 23:26

Where is he going?

Petitchat · 17/08/2024 23:27

Spyro48 · 17/08/2024 23:16

I would be insisting on an explanation before he went anywhere. Where's the holiday to? Are there kids involved?

OP said at 23.08, kids are grown up.

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