To be suspicious about DH

[JustMissNobody]

i can’t sleep and been going out of my mind all day wondering what the hell is going on and what to do. DH announced he was taking a week off on Friday out of the blue, he’s self employed. No mention of intentions of doing so prior to this. And then followed this with he thinks he’ll go away for a few days or a week. I was dumbstruck.

firstly because this is so far out of character to just take time off without mentioning anything prior and I’ve asked about us going away so many times just for even a couple of days if he can’t take a week off and he’s consistently told me he can’t because of work, or other commitments. His other commitments have also been miraculously dealt with too. So from telling me on Friday afternoon, he’s booked a holiday leaving Sunday morning for 5 days, and all this as apparently been dealt with with no pre planning.

its so not like him and going away solo? I never dreamed in a million years he’d be someone that could do that, he’s not a very social person, doesn’t go out drinking etc. I asked him if he was going with someone and he totally went off the deep end. He went upstairs about 2.30 this afternoon packing for his trip and he’s been sat in the bedroom ever since and refusing to speak to me. I’m now in the spare room because he’s still got a face on with me and ignoring me. WTAF?

Mmm this happened to a friend of mine- apparently it was fine and acceptable for him to go away for a week with his 'friend' who was a lady and how dare she question him for going away with a friend. 😡Sadly she took him back I sure as hell wouldn't have.

No he only got it about 12 months approx, said it was easier to prove identity rather than using driving licence. I’d been telling him to get one for yrs and he kept saying he didn’t need one

No That will not be happening here!!

In which case he should have talked to her and consulted her about it rather than spring it on her with no warning.
You cannot spin this as being fair and reasonable behaviour. It is not.

@MissingMoominMamma

on what planet?

he's NEVER been on holiday with his wife & children. Can't afford to take away grom
jis business & other commitments, can't afford it. Then suddenly one Friday afternoon he decides he can take the very next week
off and go on holiday, by himself. Won't even tell his WIFE where's he's staying...

how old are you?

@JustMissNobody Glad the hear you say that - you are worth more than this this horrendous behavior. Honestly reverse it- what would his reaction be if you decided to up and leave for a week without him? If you got defensive and refused to talk about it? He'd be fine with that would he? he's a prick quite frankly. Look after yourself xx

It’s such a bizarre way to behave. Is he the type to want a hair transplant or to get his teeth done or something? Clutching at straws for non-OW reasons he might want to go away on his own…

I think your husband is very cruel @JustMissNobody , affair or not - though, it's the most likely explanation.
Sending you an un-mumsnetty hug.

If you know the flight time ans airport you can narrow down the departure flights to see where he is going then quiz him about it.

What an absolute arsehole he is!

Affair

Even grown up kids?

I’d talk to him now and say ‘John, we’ve been together 34 years. You owe me an explanation at least. You are clearly either having some kind of breakdown or are shagging someone else. You’ve not been abroad in decades and have now decided to go away with 24 hours notice and your wife of 34 years hasn’t been invited or even told where you’re going. Surely you can see this is very fucking odd behaviour John? If you’re going on a fishing trip to Ireland, then great, you could do with a break, it’ll do you the world of good. I don’t care if you’re going to Vegas with the lads, or golfing in Malta, but to do this to me is so cruel. Surely tell me where you’re going John? Shall I pack a bag and come with you? If you go without telling me where you’re going that’s it, we’re done. You won’t be welcome in this house on Friday.

Meanwhile I would hide his passport, put an AirTag in his luggage. Steal his phone whilst he’s asleep, I would fucking sabotage this trip until you get some answers.

None of this is normal and it's worrying you thought you may being OTT, what's your relationship with him normally like?

Use him being away as an ideal opportunity to, in MN parlance, get your ducks in a row. You will need a good solicitor.

My friend goes on solo trips and they have kids under 18, but she tells her husband in advance and I’m sure keeps in touch with him and her kids while she’s away.She also goes on many more family trips and couples trips with her husband.

This situation however is different, it is entirely “ crazy and disrespectful” to use the words of a pp. Him “needing space” isn’t justification for this.

No advance warning or discussion, limiting her access to information about where he’s going, not to mention the fact he hasn’t been on hols once with his wife. He will probably have little to no contact while he’s away too.

Sad story all round. This is why I encourage women who want to travel abroad to do it without their husbands if they say they’re not interested!

I’d have said no, but then I didn’t think he was the affair type, or the going away on his own type or the disrespectful type or gaslighting type when I marry him so I suppose anything is possible now 😮

And you are sure he doesn't seem suicidal ?

Very good idea and about the air tag. All very strange

Without knowing him I'm torn between complete mental breakdown or another woman who has put her foot down. Likely he's been stringing her along about going on holiday with her and leaving you & she's said you either come on this holiday (we've planned & booked) or it's over. he was probably meant to go last year when he got his passport He's freaked out & booked flights.

or he's having a breakdown.

your daughter is confusing me, she thinks you're spoiling his holiday. Why does she think he's entitled just to book a holiday without taking you or at least discussing it?

why did she tell you what he said when you were away?

is she always a daddy's girl?

I did for one crazy second consider the air tag but thought it would get found going through customs 😂

Just to add, if you know his return flight time can you lurk/hide at the airport and see who he returns with? Only do this after seeing a solicitor.

She is a bit of a daddy’s girl, she thinks I’m being mean questioning him before he goes. Although as she puts it ‘interrogating him’ and thinks I should have just let him go without saying anything, let him enjoy his holiday then talk to him when he gets home.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls

i don't think she's sure about anything right now.

but I doubt it. If you're suicidal you don't need to book a holiday.

Oh I do like the idea of taking his passport I have to say. Hide it. Burn it. You know what he is doing is ultimately ending your marriage. Even on the very odd ideal that he is not meeting another woman he is still being underhanded and disrespecting you, your lives together and your relationship.

The fact he won't let anyone go near his phone is probably all the info you need. Classic affair red flag.