To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

[whatawickedgame]

I genuinely don't know what to do about this, I feel terrible for even considering it.

DD (8) is a very good dancer and was invited onto her dance companies competitive team. She was thrilled and I was thrilled for her, she tries her very best. She is a competitive person by nature so she really likes doing it. She has classes 4 days a week. However, some of the classes start at 3:45pm (twice a week) and it's occurred to me that now I'm considering going back to work since DC has started school, I can't find a job that is flexible enough for my schedule for DD, even part time ones. I live in a relatively small town and jobs are really hard to get here, particularly part time ones. DD is theoretically tied into this team and these classes until she's 17. The classes don't get later as she gets older. She's only been doing all of these classes for a few weeks before the summer (and currently on break for the summer holidays) and loves it and I feel terrible for considering taking her out of it since I said she can do it, but I don't know how feasible it is for me to continue making this commitment. I cannot find a job that finishes before 5pm, which right now isn't an issue as I don't need to work this second, but eventually I do want to get back to work and I don't know how I'll be able to do both. There is another dance class in the area that we can get to, but it's one class a week and no competitions which is what DD is really excited for. DD doesn't do other clubs, it's just her dance but I don't know if it's feasible. Does anyone else have this kind of schedule and how do you make it work if you do? AIBU to think that it's maybe not feasible? I genuinely feel terrible

If DH could technically do it, then I would look at an Au Pair or after-school nanny from somewhere like Koru Kids and keep DH as backup for when the childcare falls through.

OP tell your husband he needs to think ahead. Your daughter is now 8 but one day she will be a teenager. And this is exactly what makes a massive difference in teens.
My eldest DD15 trains also for a competitive sport, many hours a week.
It was and still is an absolute nightmare to bring her and her siblings to their clubs while working both of us full tome and also fitting everything else.
I cannot recommend more to encourage kids to do this.
My DD still loves competitions, has no interest in drinking, vaping and several ways of wasting her life. Her sport teched her to be organised with her time, have a good routine, try hard at everything etc. Her siblings also follow the same example and yes, we are wrecked but I think it's worth it.

Please talk to your husband and don't let him choose the easy route of taking her out of her club
The other club obviously won't be the same. Keep her motivation, it will pay off when she is older.

Yes, but my child’s future is more important (to me).

More important than feeding her??

OP has more than one child though and there will be a negative impact on the others if she chooses not to work so her DD can do a hobby.

Sheesh they are not mutually exclusive. How about taking a balanced perspective?

OP's dd's future is not doomed just because her mother did not take her to competitive dance classes when she was 8 years old.

Only on MN is a stepfather criticised for not looking after his wife’s children and going out of his way for them, whereas if the OP was the SM the response would be that they’re his children and he should be the one putting himself out for them.

I’d get a job then work with the employer to have two early finishes.

Could always start a bit early each day to compensate or have shorter lunches.

Or, I’m sure there’s another parent who could help out or pay a teenager to walk with her. There’s options to explore before deciding to either not work or for her to quit dance.

What sort of work experience do you have? And are you looking for roles that could be home based/hybrid?

Lots of parents I know structure their breaks on home-working days around school drop off and pick up times, maybe that sort of working pattern could suit you.

@whatawickedgame
Is the dance company a reputable one? What do you know about the destination of its students? There are a lot of organisations involved in the performing arts for children that are basically money making opportunities......

I’m glad for you that You’ve lived a sheltered life. Why do you think Uber etc have a “share my ride” button/option? It’s not for the fuck of it.
Ask the clients of that black cab driver, Worboys, whatever his name was.

This is a good point I hadn’t thought about

@CurlewKate in terms of the company's reputation, it's a local company for local children (there's nothing for you here); I'm fairly sure no one commutes especially for it. It doesn't produce students that go to prestigious schools or get scholarships etc.

Taxi!

Yup. If they can afford it. Although sounds like it’s a case of father CBA to take her.

@whatawickedgame

I am going to sound harsh here and I am willing to be told I am wrong.
It sounds 4 days a week at a 'hobby' dance school is a bit overkill and will cause more aggro in the family unit than it will the overall betterment to your DD's ability.
If she's really good, she probably needs to go to a different dance school.
My friend's DD is genuinely very good at dance, her teacher has put her forward for auditions at various prestigious dance institutions, she passed and now has training once a week there. This is since she was 7/8.

I think if my DC was that good at something that required them to train 4 times a week, I would want them to show loads of potential and her teachers recognising their innate talent. Otherwise I would want them to do lots of different activities e.g weekly swimming lessons, brownies/ cubs, football..........

Correction - The step father who will be leaving work early two days a week to collect and look after his step children cba

So the 'competitive' element is a load of rubbish then. It's a club that charges you to go each day to ensure they stay afloat but it's not really about being excellent at dance. It would be better, if she's serious about dance, to commute once a week to a more prestigious school.

4 days a week at a hobby dance school (with endless classes, competitions, clothes, tickets and videos to buy) sounds like a way to rinse as much money out of unsuspecting parents with children as bait in the shortest possible time before their eyes are opened to what a con cult it all is.

The schools do this cynically knowing that the children will go no where with this circus, disregard the child's wellbeing and self-esteem, massively disrupt family life as well as drain family finances

Correction - The step father who is paying for the classes who will be leaving work early two days a week to collect and look after his step children cba

That's a very good point. It's at around that age that DC who are serious about dancing should be auditioning for RBS Junior Associates or Elmhurst Young Dancers, or similar, depending on which has a location nearer to you..!

@blueshoes it does definitely sound like OP is being used as a cash cow.

@MoralOrLegal yes she auditioned for RBS but goes to lessons in Hertfordshire as it's nearer to home

@Pipsquiggle Tring Park associates programme, at a guess!

RBS and Elmhurst (Birmingham Royal Ballet's school, more or less) both also run classes at regional locations. My DS was a competitive ballroom dancer for around three years, and danced with Elmhurst, but was never asked to commit to anything like the schedule that the OP is being asked. He compressed all his classes into the weekend, until unfortunately that started to clash with two other activities in Year 7 or thereabouts.

@MoralOrLegal yes that's the one Tring Park