To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

[whatawickedgame]

I genuinely don't know what to do about this, I feel terrible for even considering it.

DD (8) is a very good dancer and was invited onto her dance companies competitive team. She was thrilled and I was thrilled for her, she tries her very best. She is a competitive person by nature so she really likes doing it. She has classes 4 days a week. However, some of the classes start at 3:45pm (twice a week) and it's occurred to me that now I'm considering going back to work since DC has started school, I can't find a job that is flexible enough for my schedule for DD, even part time ones. I live in a relatively small town and jobs are really hard to get here, particularly part time ones. DD is theoretically tied into this team and these classes until she's 17. The classes don't get later as she gets older. She's only been doing all of these classes for a few weeks before the summer (and currently on break for the summer holidays) and loves it and I feel terrible for considering taking her out of it since I said she can do it, but I don't know how feasible it is for me to continue making this commitment. I cannot find a job that finishes before 5pm, which right now isn't an issue as I don't need to work this second, but eventually I do want to get back to work and I don't know how I'll be able to do both. There is another dance class in the area that we can get to, but it's one class a week and no competitions which is what DD is really excited for. DD doesn't do other clubs, it's just her dance but I don't know if it's feasible. Does anyone else have this kind of schedule and how do you make it work if you do? AIBU to think that it's maybe not feasible? I genuinely feel terrible

She’s currently 8 (so I am guessing she is likely about to start Y4, unless she’s one of the youngest in her year and therefore starting Y5). Is there anyone from her primary school, who is close to her age?

Could you either pay a parent to take her from school to dance? Or depending on distance/SG policies (both the schools and dance teams), allow her to walk with a friend to class?

So DH would be able to finish earlier on the days I'd theoretically work but on those days, he'd have to do both school runs too which he can do, but I signed up for all of the running around for DD, he didn't want her to do it because it's so much running about but I thought that it didn't matter as I'd be the one doing all of the running about. Our other DC has clubs that are manageable as they're later in the evening.

My schedule on a day DD has dance is both school runs, quickly get DD changed, take both to her club to drop her off, either head home for an hour or stay out with other DC round the shops/library, pick DD back up and then go home.

It’s a little unusual that the classes don’t get later with age - surely most secondary kids can’t get to an after school activity that early? Have a chat with her teacher to see what they can suggest/ if they can give an idea of how it might change over time

I would let her carry on until you've explored all the options above.
She may be fed up with the classes after 6 months- this is not unheard of with 8 year olds!
It's a shame to stop her going now when you haven't actually got a job.

Work for yourself, and set your own hours?
Cleaning, ironing, etc?

People keep suggesting au pairs on these threads but
THERE ARE BASICALLY NO AU PAIRS ANY MORE!

Other people have suggested lots of good options, but if she is a naturally talented dancer her long term outcomes will not suffer if she stops till she is in senior school because your family dynamics need you to work,
In fact most people in professional dance training have not been on the competition circuit. My one DD stopped ballet at 7 and only did two for a while. At 15 she took ballet back up and has been dancing on pointe for a year now at 20 and is in professional training at a high ranking school.

But it sounds like you're saying your DH could do it, it's just he's unwilling to; is that right?

DH should absolutely suck it up. We all do things like this for our children.

If you’re not working now, let her continue. It seems crazy to stop now, when you don’t know what the future looks likes.

If she loves the team, then you could consider remote work til she’s at an age when she can get herself there. If she’s 8, she’s only three years from secondary, when she’s be getting herself to school by herself anyway. A suitable ,non-remote job might turn up in that time. You also may find that once you get to know other team parents, you can team up to support each other. Or your daughter may hate the competitive element after a while and want to quit.

Your dd sounds great, be proud of her and start planning instead of worrying!

TBH competitive dance is VERY expensive and involves a lot of weekend commitment too.

Is truly viable for the next decade?

Is there anyone at her school that also attends that could share the drop off with?

Oh and now I read the update. Suck it up DH, running around is part and parcel of primary age kids. It’s no longer about chilling out after work. Sounds like your career has been on hold for far too long and now it’s his turn to do some parenting.

I am in a somewhat similar situation with my son's athletics - he is nine and he is good, and would like to train with a local running club, but the training sessions are mostly on weekdays at 4pm or 4:30pm.

I can't do it. I work, I can't rely on working from home reluably, I don't earn enough for a nanny, we don't have space for an au pair, and nobody is looking for the hassle of bringing him to the track for a few quid.

I do feel bad but we need money and a roof over our heads, so he does everything that is available outside my work hours and that is the best we can do.

A lot of jobs are hybrid nowadays. Perhaps look at jobs further away where you can mostly work from home and work flexibly into the evening

If she's really good then dance teachers might be able to help if they want her to continue

Please ignore some of the emotive pressure on here. Of course if you need to work and can't get her there she can't do it.
8 year olds hobbies are not more important than working!
Do explore the practical suggestions mentioned here but if you can't manage it then you can't.
My son is a good dancer and was doing two types of dance but I had to cut him down to one out of the two because the dance school changed their timetable so the two classes were on different days and also moved venue so it was a massive hassle to get him there.

It's just part of family life - until they're old enough to drive/get public transport themselves they can only do things parents can sensibly get them to around work and any siblings.

Lol

But DH can do it, he just doesn’t want to as well as school runs on those days…

I would:

Not worry until you get a job: it might have flexi hours / wfh hours whatever

Meanwhile See if there is a 17 yo in the class who would do this for pay 2 days a week

See if there is another local parent at the class who would do reciprocal swaps

Let DH know that parenting is one big juggling act… so keep juggling!

IF your Dd keeps it up she can go independently from 11, just as kids go to secondary school.

Why are you doing two school runs? Personally as kids approach teen age I would move house to a place they can travel independently to and from school, clubs, friends, activities.

I completely understand your struggle. My DC are used to doing lots of activities but I’ve gradually increased my working hours as they’ve got older. This has made it difficult & especially as activities times & days change so fitting it all in is like a jigsaw. It is a team effort with family & friends to get them there. Getting there under their own steam is not possible mostly due to distances involved & timings. We also used to pay someone from nursery to help a couple of evenings a week when everything clashed. If you can make it work then do but if you have to work & that makes it impossible then that’s just life unfortunately.

The time is ridiculous - the older children won't have time to get out of school and get there!
How are they managing?

You don’t work now, but you don’t want her to do the classes because you will work at some point in the future?

Surely you let her go for now, when you need to work things might have changed and you might find a job with hours that suit. You’ll also have met parents of other children who attend and might be able to work out a drop off/pick up arrangement with another child.

Two kids and a husband who has no interest in helping with his daughter’s extra curricular hobby? Competitive dance won’t be possible for you. It involves a huge commitment and you won’t be able to do it alone whilst working an inflexible job with two kids. And you are alone since he refuses to be involved or help with her club. She’ll have to give it up.

My son does a sport which needs huge commitment. I’m a single parent with two kids and it’s only possible because I’m the boss of my business so I can do it all. I couldn’t do it with set hours and no access to an au pair to run about for me.

So your husband could do it but doesn’t want to as it’s too much running around?

That’s what parenting is. Tell him to suck it up and do it for your daughter.

Secondary school kids tend to finish at 3:45 and might be later but often not.

Speak to the other parents at the club about sharing lifts.