To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

[whatawickedgame]

I genuinely don't know what to do about this, I feel terrible for even considering it.

DD (8) is a very good dancer and was invited onto her dance companies competitive team. She was thrilled and I was thrilled for her, she tries her very best. She is a competitive person by nature so she really likes doing it. She has classes 4 days a week. However, some of the classes start at 3:45pm (twice a week) and it's occurred to me that now I'm considering going back to work since DC has started school, I can't find a job that is flexible enough for my schedule for DD, even part time ones. I live in a relatively small town and jobs are really hard to get here, particularly part time ones. DD is theoretically tied into this team and these classes until she's 17. The classes don't get later as she gets older. She's only been doing all of these classes for a few weeks before the summer (and currently on break for the summer holidays) and loves it and I feel terrible for considering taking her out of it since I said she can do it, but I don't know how feasible it is for me to continue making this commitment. I cannot find a job that finishes before 5pm, which right now isn't an issue as I don't need to work this second, but eventually I do want to get back to work and I don't know how I'll be able to do both. There is another dance class in the area that we can get to, but it's one class a week and no competitions which is what DD is really excited for. DD doesn't do other clubs, it's just her dance but I don't know if it's feasible. Does anyone else have this kind of schedule and how do you make it work if you do? AIBU to think that it's maybe not feasible? I genuinely feel terrible

My kids get school taxis. They go to different school so not in together; my high school kid is in with several other kids but my primary child goes alone.
Those driver’s are properly checked out and are safe around kids. I’d have no problem sending them in a car with a taxi driver who does school runs. She could just ask for one of those.

100% this!! Dance classes like this are a feckn nightmare unless you are a non-working/cliquey/'dance mom'! My daughter did it and they were always looking for more - more time, more money, more input from the parent. Extra practice for competitions/exams; cost of the exams; chaperoning on the bus to competitions; selling tickets for club shows.

Honestly, it was the bane of my life so I was so glad when DD got fed up of all the favouratism, back biting and general stress and changed to a running club.

I'd pull her out now before she gets any more attached - she'll get over and it and you can find something else that suits you better as getting back to work is quite important IMHO - because you want to.

To be fair it might have been a council taxi; I don't know. The child in question was 7 and had SEN. It was always the same person and the child felt safe with them.

Anyway, the OP says it's not possible... although if collecting from school I think a substitute responsible adult could be found.

Explain the situation to the people who run the team. They will know who might be using teens or a childminder to do drop offs from school and might have some ideas.

Exactly @LiquoriceAllsorts2 - where do these magical jobs exist? Especially since OP has stated that jobs are hard to come by where she lives. Honestly - MN at its finest....surprised someone hasn't told her to take in ironing yet 😂

My dd did dance and it was more than a hobby

It has become part of her business and has led to loads of other opportunities

Whilst being a dancer isn’t the most lucrative of careers it does lead to other stuff that are far more well paying

I’d have a decent look at other options first . Lots of good ideas here. 8 is not far off independence I’d investigate other children who go and car pooling. A flexible finish time once a week is much more like palatable to employers. Speak to the dance school you will not be the first parent in this position and they may know.

Job wise consider the civil service/ la the pay is not great but good pension and tend to be flexible/ family friendly.

So your dh could do it, but just doesn't want to?

OP, like many others suggested you could pay another school mum or 17 year old to take her. Also you may want to talk to the manager about pushing the timings back (with some other mums) as I’m sure many of them are in the same boat as you.

It’s not his child to be running around after and he’s already working so that OP can be a SAHM to children that aren’t his and pay for all these activities. Not being willing to bend over backwards to enable an eight year old child to go to an entirely optional and very demanding hobby multiple times a week is quite reasonable, especially when he’s said from the beginning he thinks it’s too much.

There’d be uproar on here at the suggestion a step mum, already the breadwinner and financially enabling her husband to be a SAHD, should organise her life around a step son going to a football academy.

What about booking a regular taxi to take her? Preferably woman driver. You can book in advance then pick her up yourself afterwards.

That makes no sense. If she's a SAHM he wont need to do it because she will.

If he does do it because she's working, then he's no longer the sole breadwinner and she's contributing to both the household expenses and activities.

Reading between the lines though, I wonder if he'd prefer her not to work.

This.

He’s her step parent. On here, people fall over themselves to tell step parents that they never have to parent their step kids whatsoever. It’s also not a question of just walking 20 minutes - he will have the other children with him and will need to keep them entertained for the duration of the DD’s dance class. He pays for the classes. He told the OP it was too much and she decided she would make it work despite that. He’s by no means a shit parent here. It’s also highly unlikely that the DD will become a professional dancer and nor is it a career I’d aspire to given that it’s so competitive and short in duration. She can enjoy dance without doing it 4 times a week. Also, none of her siblings will likely be able to engage in a hobby of similar intensity because the parents’ time will be taken up with the dance.

They have, upthread

Find a local sixth former who'd like some easy part-time work. They can pick DD up and walk her to class for you.

Out of interest, like what other careers?

This, Competitive dance is toxic and a bit of a scam.

I echo @reallyworriedjobhunter talk to the people running the classes. They are more likely to know if another parent can help you out

My DD was a dancer although did not compete. I have driven her miles away to get to specific teachers/dance schools. At one point it was every night of the week.

She gained entry to vocational school but unfortunately sustained an injury which precluded her from joining a ballet company - I do not regret any of it. She can look back on her life and know she had the chances - not everyone gets that, and I feel grateful that I was able to give her those chances.

She is now passing on her love and passion to other dancers

Can you get a job where you work three days a week, so you can still do the classes?

It might take you a while to find a job anyway.

And you actually only have a three year problem, because when she's 11 she will go to secondary school and can then walk herself there.

So work part time for three years and then go full time when she's at secondary.

We had a similar issue with DD’s gymnastics clashing with my shifts some day. Husband takes, my aunt takes her or I move my shifts to a later start to make it work.

I've never felt safe in a taxi, their driving, the smell of smoke etc

In your shows I would ask in the the dance school and actual school if there is someone who could take this on and you offer something in exchange.

Inused to take a child to school whose parents could not do it for a few reasons. She offered me babysitting once a month in exchange.

It was brilliant actually.

What do the other parents of children in the classes do? It's unlikely that they're all not working and have no other commitments. The class teachers might be able to advise on possible solutions; presumably they think your DD has talent, so they'll want to try to find a way she can keep attending.

If it competitive involving high level competitions that’s going to involve lots of driving. If you don’t drive you’ll really struggle with that aspect of it as well.