To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

[whatawickedgame]

I genuinely don't know what to do about this, I feel terrible for even considering it.

DD (8) is a very good dancer and was invited onto her dance companies competitive team. She was thrilled and I was thrilled for her, she tries her very best. She is a competitive person by nature so she really likes doing it. She has classes 4 days a week. However, some of the classes start at 3:45pm (twice a week) and it's occurred to me that now I'm considering going back to work since DC has started school, I can't find a job that is flexible enough for my schedule for DD, even part time ones. I live in a relatively small town and jobs are really hard to get here, particularly part time ones. DD is theoretically tied into this team and these classes until she's 17. The classes don't get later as she gets older. She's only been doing all of these classes for a few weeks before the summer (and currently on break for the summer holidays) and loves it and I feel terrible for considering taking her out of it since I said she can do it, but I don't know how feasible it is for me to continue making this commitment. I cannot find a job that finishes before 5pm, which right now isn't an issue as I don't need to work this second, but eventually I do want to get back to work and I don't know how I'll be able to do both. There is another dance class in the area that we can get to, but it's one class a week and no competitions which is what DD is really excited for. DD doesn't do other clubs, it's just her dance but I don't know if it's feasible. Does anyone else have this kind of schedule and how do you make it work if you do? AIBU to think that it's maybe not feasible? I genuinely feel terrible

I have pretty much the exact same situation for my girls, 5 days a week, 2 days start at 4 so it's head there straight from school. Very hard to get jobs to fit. But, you can. You said you don't need anything right now so start looking ready as there will be a lot less to pick from. Working from home might allow you to work from a laptop there. Flexible working might allow you to do a few hours over a weekend or evening. Look outside of where you live especially with so many online jobs now. I applied for full time jobs but explained at interview I needed flexible working to accommodate. I know some other parents have grandparents help some days, as the kids get older some share lifts with other kids if any at the same school. Maybe someone could help like that? Even a trusted babysitter as such someone you could pay to collect and deliver to dance?

On a slightly different note, I would recommend researching the commitment more long term, as speaking from my own experience, it's not just the regular classes you will need to sort to fit around work. It's trips abroad for Dance World Cup, regionals and nationals you will need leave at short notice for, just a couple of examples to enquire about.

Our dance school have a sort of informal contract that details the expectations and commitment if you join, and you are tied in for a minimum of a year and then it's new routines etc so you can opt out of a genre if you wish / you may not get offered that genre again. I hope this helps.

You've said you don't need to work, I just think you can't be arsed to do it and only now realised what it entails.

As I said in my last post the best thing is that they are teens interested in sport rather than alcohol, vaping and getting into trouble.

It is possible for children/young people to be uninterested in sport and also not interested in alcohol, vaping and getting into trouble. There are many things a child can do which don't require the whole family's schedule to revolve around them. It is ridiculous that two parents should be thinking of arranging their working hours around the demands of an eight year old's hobby.

I used to use a taxi on the days I couldn't get home in time to get my child to classes. You could also use a nanny or child minder or even a good friend to drop her off.

We have an agency near me called 10-2 which specialises in jobs for those with school pickups. How were you planning school pickups anyway?

100% do your best to find a way. These extra curricular experiences are so valuable for life skills and building resilience and having friendships beyond school.

I do understand that it's a challenge to organise but within a community there is usually a way round things. I would even ask the dance teacher if they have any ideas. My daughter's actually took her for me for a short while at a time when my husband was working away.

Giving up before even trying to problem solve this would be such a shame in my view.

My childminder does our dance run on some days.

Hi op,

let her do for now on until it needs to be done that she stops then try and find another mum that you would know for quite some time and share the days.

if you are part time do the ones where you don’t work.

find a trusting teenage that could cover this slot.

these two options should be easy enough in a village where everyone knows everyone.

Good luck 🌺

She wouldn’t need taking until she’s 17!

How will you be picking up your daughter from school on the other days when not in a dance class or is there an after school club? Could you share child care/pick ups with another mother?

Are there any other parents whose
child goes to the dancing you could come to some agreement they take her along and give some money for their trouble?

Are there ay other girls in her school that attend the same dance classes? Or any of your Daughters friends who live near where she dances? If there are could you maybe ask one of the parents to pick her up from school & drop her off for you. Offer to collect their child up on days you can return the favour. An alternative could be a local Childminder to do the school pick up then drop her at her dance lessons then you collect her when she's finished.

You rang?
😂

@whatawickedgame You say that this dance school doesn't produce students who go on to prestigious schools or get scholarships. If the school was a good one and the teaching of a high enough standard, then they would have success in getting their senior students into performing arts training. They aren't doing that, and I think that tells you all you need to know about the quality of training at that school.

As a fun activity, that's fine. But the sheer level of commitment from the whole family needed for your dd to join this dance troupe (not to mention what it would cost), I'm not at all sure that it would be worthwhile.

Mum of a swimmer here… we have to drive half hour eaxh way to get to the pool… two mornings @5.15-7.15 and 3 evenings 7-8pm plus an hour on Saturdays.. Lots of the swim parents plug in their laptops and work while their kids swim…. Could you find a job that allowed you to just finish at 3 on the days she dances and work remotely to make up the difference? Or instead of doing 3 days part time do 5 half days?

And yes I think I’d look for a better school of dance that operates better hours… so soon after school is unreasonable. They must loose a lot of custom if all the jobs in your area finish at 5!

My daughter is 6 and does competitive dance. She dances 4 times a week then does comps on a weekend My husband works long hours and does help when he can but her dancing is down to me. He does older my 2 boys football as that is later. I got a job in a school when I returned back to work after been a sahm for 5 years to accommodate her dancing she absolutely loves it and progresses weekly so i couldn’t dream of pulling her out.

Apart from things like backing dancer, theatre, choreography and, teaching dance, there is acting, modelling, sales, selling dance wear (certain dance shoes are a law unto themselves when it comes to sizing)
Being an agent for other dancers Etc (I.e finding work in dance/tv/film etc for clients)
A lot of friends of dd’s work on cruise ships. Not just as dancers.

These are just some of the things that dancer friends of dd have done

A lot of what dd does isn’t for those that want one career and set hours with weekends off and a set income each month. Although even those jobs aren’t as reliable as they were years ago and a lot of the type of jobs I have mentioned are for those that are self starters and see opportunities in things.

Also dd didn’t do A levels but has enough UCAS points to get into university from doing her different dance exams so studying academic subjects is not the only route to a university degree

Based on my own experience of my own mother being a SAHM (and money wasnt and issue) and not bothering to sign us in anything that would require any driving/ change of routine. I wasn't allowed to join anything more than the standard 1 hour a week and if I could walk to it. I was invited twice to join a sport that would require a lot of training but my parents said no. I was devastated at the time. As a teen you end up easily being interested on the wrong things by default with kids eith nothing special to do. I did ok in uni and have a career now but I whish I reached my potential, I know I didn't. And that's why I want a different experience for my kids.

It doesn't need to be a sport, could be music, could be art. But practicing something at high level is excellent in those formative years. The happiest kids in my class were the ones involved in a competive sport, playing music at high level, or heavily involved in a family hobby/ community. It's about how the family normalises this, its about building that sense of achievement. I see it in my own kids. They are happy. Try to get good marks at school. They try their best. It's a pain in the arse all the driving and run around but I am 100 per cent sure it makes a difference in their teenage years.