To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

[whatawickedgame]

I genuinely don't know what to do about this, I feel terrible for even considering it.

DD (8) is a very good dancer and was invited onto her dance companies competitive team. She was thrilled and I was thrilled for her, she tries her very best. She is a competitive person by nature so she really likes doing it. She has classes 4 days a week. However, some of the classes start at 3:45pm (twice a week) and it's occurred to me that now I'm considering going back to work since DC has started school, I can't find a job that is flexible enough for my schedule for DD, even part time ones. I live in a relatively small town and jobs are really hard to get here, particularly part time ones. DD is theoretically tied into this team and these classes until she's 17. The classes don't get later as she gets older. She's only been doing all of these classes for a few weeks before the summer (and currently on break for the summer holidays) and loves it and I feel terrible for considering taking her out of it since I said she can do it, but I don't know how feasible it is for me to continue making this commitment. I cannot find a job that finishes before 5pm, which right now isn't an issue as I don't need to work this second, but eventually I do want to get back to work and I don't know how I'll be able to do both. There is another dance class in the area that we can get to, but it's one class a week and no competitions which is what DD is really excited for. DD doesn't do other clubs, it's just her dance but I don't know if it's feasible. Does anyone else have this kind of schedule and how do you make it work if you do? AIBU to think that it's maybe not feasible? I genuinely feel terrible

Our other DC has clubs that are manageable as they're later in the evening.

An 8yo won't see the logistics around this, she will see her brother(?)'s activities being prioritised while she doesn't get to do her dance club.

I would let her start. There are so many options - if it's just a 20 minute walk from school then once she's 10 or 11 she can manage it independently. There might be another parent whose child comes from the same school or the same direction. There might be an older girl at dance who would be happy with £10 a week to walk with your daughter there. There is likely to be a parents' WhatsApp where you could find out what others do - you won't be the only one in this situation.

I wouldn't stop her from starting, now that you've said she can start, on the basis of a job you don't have yet while her sibling's activities are unaffected.

Ask the dance school if anyone else from your DD's school attends. If so, contact the parents of that child, ask them to take your DD and say you'll do pick up.
I have both done this and had it done to me. In my experience, there's an "all in it together" attitude when it comes to many of these after school clubs, or at least there is until the two DC in question become rivals for key roles!

Will she always finish school at 3pm?

Is competitive dance really the best way to go? Might it not be better to channel her into a dance school that offers progression through qualifications which could lead to a career in dance if she continues to enjoy it?

But that little bit is at least 3-4 years 4x a week. A huge commitment.
I do think extra classes/ hobbies are something that should be discussed as a family.
My ds (also 8)wanted to do a Saturday class that ran over lunchtime. Also the travel time getting there and back. That meant making no plans on a Saturday except for very late afternoon/evening but then we have a baby too and that didn't work for us. Also we didn't want to be tied up giving our Saturday.
He had to choose something else. Sorry but I don't blame your dh for not wanting to be tied to this 4x a week. If it was once a week usual classes then I would agree with everyone else.

I literally never thought of this but just checked and it's 3:30pm for the high school she will go to. If she walked straight to dance from high school and got changed there, she'd just make it.

Pay someone to take her

Think of setting up your own garden maintenance business for flexibility.

She's 8. Doesn't need to be dancing and competing.

Been there, done that. As several PP have said, ask the dance school, or the WhatsApp, what other parents do. You won't be the only person in that position.

@Needanadultgapyear totally. My youngest didn’t even start ballet til 13 but is doing amazingly at 17 and looking at it as a profession.

Talk to the dance teacher, she may be able to advise, I’m sure other parents face the same issue. It would be sad if your daughter knew of other girls who had the same issue but their parents found a solution (ie someone else to take them).

So she’s only a year or 2 off being able to walk herself? I think I’d try the suggestion of paying one of the older girls to walk with her or another school mum. It’s the fact that she’s worked so hard to get there. 4 a week is a lot- any chance of reducing it?
Aldo what kind of work would you do- you might be surprised how flexible some work places are these days (even if not advertise such)

I was in a similar situation when my DD went to music school, I found a very responsible senior school girl who took my daughter to music school after lessons for a very reasonable money and I picked her up from there after work. Worked perfectly for us.

So it’s basically a 20 minute walk there and a 15 minute walk back, twice a week? It’s really awful that your DH won’t do this. It’s nothing at all.

It doesn’t matter what you agreed at the start. Where you are now is that she is really good at this and will probably resent you both forever if she’s made to give it up. IMO nurturing children’s passions is one of the most important parts of parenting.

As other posters have said, if you’re taking her out of the class he has to tell her, and he has to explain it’s because he’s not willing to walk her 20 minutes to the class.

FWIW, DH takes other DC to the class on the one day a week DD doesn't have dance as it's later and he knows I've been running about trying to make it work. He does try. I didn't think it was relevant when I created this thread as I wasn't even going to bring DH up, but people asked about who would be watching them if I was at work, but DH is their stepfather. He pays for all of the clubs and loves DC like his own. He just knew that this was a huge commitment that I single-handedly decided I would commit to.

Wait until you find a job and then work out the details. In a couple of years she'll be doing SATS anyway, so will need to focus more on school work. Your priority is going to be getting back into the workplace, and multiple straight from school clubs really aren't something working parents can manage. Speak to the club, see what suggestions they have, although some are very much of the mindset that the mum and daughter must prioritise dance over everything. (I have a neice who dances competitively, and it costs a fortune, in time and money, every weekend in another part of the country at another competition.)

As a single parent working full time I had loads of these situations when they were younger. There are always ways to make things work. I asked at their school if there were any TAs looking for some extra work after school. We had 3 over the years in total and it worked out brilliantly for this kind of thing

Don't any of the other parents work? Unless it is attached to a school, i think the dance club is being unreasonable in having such an early start time.

Work for you takes peiory. I would explain the reason she can't do this class to both her dance teacher and your DD and then wait til she is old enough to walk to the class on her own.

A few years out of competitive dancing will not hinder her if she wants to do competitive dancing later

yes, Brexit killed off most of them, Canadians and Aussies still can come, but their Visa costs are really big now and they want to be in London, there are so few of them, if they go outside London, they don't have any friends and leave!

The government also changed the law last April, so that they could no longer pay "pocket money", basically they are now employees with rights to min wage etc.

Okay if he’s the stepfather I retract my previous post about him being awful. I still think it’s so important to find a way to make it work. PP have had some good suggestions

Ok. You are jumping ahead quite a bit!

Keep everything as it is so long as DD is enjoying it.

Look for a wfh/hybrid job. That should enable you to do some of the ferrying around, and DH can do the rest.

The chances of all this staying the same until DD is 17 are frankly negligible. Deal with it one stage at a time.

We had au pairs for years, our local town even had au pair nights in one of the pubs. I know of a couple of people who did manage to get someone recently and both times they left within a month to get a job in London.

Sorry if the stepfather post is a drip feed but I hadn't even intended to bring DH up as it wasn't relevant due to our agreement.

Why is it “so important”? She can still do dance, just not competing.