To tell DD she can't do it anymore?

[whatawickedgame]

I genuinely don't know what to do about this, I feel terrible for even considering it.

DD (8) is a very good dancer and was invited onto her dance companies competitive team. She was thrilled and I was thrilled for her, she tries her very best. She is a competitive person by nature so she really likes doing it. She has classes 4 days a week. However, some of the classes start at 3:45pm (twice a week) and it's occurred to me that now I'm considering going back to work since DC has started school, I can't find a job that is flexible enough for my schedule for DD, even part time ones. I live in a relatively small town and jobs are really hard to get here, particularly part time ones. DD is theoretically tied into this team and these classes until she's 17. The classes don't get later as she gets older. She's only been doing all of these classes for a few weeks before the summer (and currently on break for the summer holidays) and loves it and I feel terrible for considering taking her out of it since I said she can do it, but I don't know how feasible it is for me to continue making this commitment. I cannot find a job that finishes before 5pm, which right now isn't an issue as I don't need to work this second, but eventually I do want to get back to work and I don't know how I'll be able to do both. There is another dance class in the area that we can get to, but it's one class a week and no competitions which is what DD is really excited for. DD doesn't do other clubs, it's just her dance but I don't know if it's feasible. Does anyone else have this kind of schedule and how do you make it work if you do? AIBU to think that it's maybe not feasible? I genuinely feel terrible

Secondary school kids tend to finish at 3:45 and might be later but often not.

Exactly. How is this working?

Why lol?

Round my way people doing cleaning earn £25+ an hour, it's good money and flexible.

this.

OP why are you turning yourself inside out truing to find a solution when you have one? Considering pulling your child out of this class rather than getting your husband to step up is very telling.
I genuinely thought you were a single mum with no options!

Why not? Is it a Brexit thing?

What!!! So your husband can do it but can't be arsed? Hell only have to do it for a little while until she's old enough to take herself.

Try talking to the person who runs the class, I use to collect my DD from school walk her to the gym get her changed there and then leave her with the teacher for the 20 minutes before class. There were a couple of us who did that, they eventually started charging for the time but it was worth it so I could get back to work.

i would explore all avenues first, if you DH could drop her off straight from school so she got ready there and waited for class ? So long as someone was there to care for her, or he stayed until time, I personally would rather do that than go home and then straight out.

I think you should exhaust every avenue including DH, childminder, babysitter before giving up. There's bound to be someone who can help.
It's not just that this is your daughter's dream. She's only eight and you can't always have what you want in life. But you've told her she can have her dream and she may remember forever if you let her down without doing every you can to find a solution.

Thats a lot less than what they charge where I am and obviously you’d need lots of clients to make it worthwhile but no way would I become a cleaner instead of what I’m trained to do just so that my DD could do an after school activity.

Her dad needs to step in and make it work then.

Surely your husband wouldn’t make her drop out of something she loves because he doesn’t want to do the running around?

And if you have to, let your DH tell her that it's because HE can't be bothered. Maybe if he has to actually do the letting down he might suck it up for a couple of years.

If you are going to work and no one can take her, then she'll have to leave. When she's older e.g. 12/13 she can rejoin, as she'll be able to get there and home independently.

Oh come on, just set up a random self employed business?

And there are no au pairs now.

Of course yanbu.

Tbh I think 8 is way too young to specialise into spending all this time on one thing anyway.

At 8 dd1 was loving dance, doing ballet modern and tap while crying over not being allowed to give up swimming lessons till the end of stage 7. By 10 she’d quit dance and joined a competitive swimming club.

If she doesn’t do anything else I’d find her some other stuff. She can then go back to doing more when she’s older if she wants (and she may not want to).

How does this work with school times? How far is it? Sounds like it might not work out anyway? Ds is 8yo and finishes 3:30 and does all extra classes at school, but if we had to leave for outside classes then it doesn't work.

Also is your dh working and you expecting him to leave work and run around? Pick her up, drop her off to classes then wait around and bring her back. That would not be acceptable during a work day.

This sounds like a huge commitment for the entire family and you really need to think about the logistics here not just 'dance competitions'. You could ask another parent whose child is going there too but just any other parent wouldn't want to do this.

Or you could get an after school nanny to do all school pickup and extra classes for all the kids so that relieves both you and dh to work. This would be the best solution imo.

I understand people think that DH is being unreasonable, but he said don't do it, it's crazy, let her just do one or two classes for fun. One of the classes that DD does is also a class you can do for fun, that I could have opted her into that had a later start time. I promised I'd do all of the running about as he was very clear that, whilst he'd financially support it, he thought that it was too demanding. Plus if DD has a competition at a weekend, I wouldn't be able to work at the weekends as I'd need to take her to these.

Have you considered working in care? I have been doing this, and surprised how much i love it (mostly) and a lot of companies are extremely flexible with this sort of thing and are living wage.

If I'm reading it right, you haven't actually got a job yet, so this is all totally hypothetical.

So let her do the classes while you still can, while you're looking for work.

By the time you've found something, it might be flexible, the hours might work anyway, your DH could do one day, you do 3 days, there might be an older girl in the class able to pick her up and take her, there might be a parent willing to take her, the class might have changed time, she might have decided she hates it. So many possibilities. Give it 2 years, she can probably get herself there if it's walking distance from her school.

I don't think you should say no on the basis of something that may or may not happen in the future. Let her do it while you can. If it really doesn't work once you've found a job, then so be it.

Do you honestly see her future as a professional dancer?
These clubs start small and before you know it, it’s every weekend all weekend with shows, completions, expensive dresses, whilst the owners take in a fortune.

same with gymnastics and swimming - good skills for team building -

Stick to the fun classes.

I never signed up for anything other than exercise/fun classes.

My schedule on a day DD has dance is both school runs, quickly get DD changed, take both to her club to drop her off, either head home for an hour or stay out with other DC round the shops/library, pick DD back up and then go home.

See this is what I find really unfair on everyone. If your other dc finish school why should they be dragged around mooching shops and killing time, go home quickly and then go out again for their own activities. As I said this type of commitment needs to work for the entire family. Her classes impact the entire family.

Please explore all these options. How would it be if she always felt that she "could have been......" had she only had the chance?

Oh give over! The chances of her making a decent living as a dancer are tiny.

Agree that DH should step up BUT I'd be wary of entering a commitment that involves 4 afternoons a week plus weekends plus huge expense for several years.

DD finishes school at 3pm, we live 5 mins from school, from our house to where she does dance it's a 15 min walk, I don't drive.

Are the classes within walking distance of the school? If they are why not ask DH to do it for a bit then DD walks herself, she will soon be old enough (obviously depending on location etc)

How far are is the class from her school? Can she cycle between them? Are there any other (older) kids from her school/passing her school?

Discuss it with the class runner; maybe she's picking up other kids, too, or there's a dance parents WhatsApp to arrange things.

Edit: a 5+15 min walk is a 6-7 minute cycle...

The most sensible thing to do is to wait until you actually have the work- it might be fine.
Otherwise, think of paying another parent to take your daughter along with theirs, ask your DH to assist with one night and be avaialable, for if your daughter needs to attend a weekend competition or if other arrangements temporarily can't happen some weeks...
Paying an Uber driver is another option.

It might be that you can work in with a couple of other parents and take each other's children on set nights.