Not a good wife

[Catdogmouse1]

If your husband said the words you are a great mother, but not a good wife how would u feel?
For context 2 kids under 5 husband works away 7am to 7pm.... gets to fit in gym time in the evening
I do all child related stuff, sort the finances, house admin, medical stuff, cooking and cleaning, oh and work full time as well. He hardly lifts a finger round the house... but apparently i am not a good wife.
Then he has the nerve 2 ask me what i do 4 him and that he doesnt care about washing or cooking... he can do that himself.
Am i missing something?

What a crap thing to say OP.

The question to ask yourself is.. is he a good husband? It doesn't sound like he is contributing much (other than money)?

As the old Mumsnet saying goes... get those ducks in a row and if his behaviour doesn't improve... pull the pin. Everyone will have an opinion, they will guilt you, make you feel like you are expecting to much. T

It is not your job to make bolster someone elses self esteem.

If his "ego" needs to be stroked, then he has a lot of work to do on himself, and not put his shit on others.

LTB and on your way out tell him you’ll make an even worse ex wife!

Leave him to look after the kids on a Saturday and sunday consecutively.

Prepare all the food for the kids only

Wake up, go out..come back evening.

Repeat the next day.

How drunk was he when he uttered the words?

not that it’s any excuse you should still follow all pp advice except the 1950’s stroke his ego one

Maybe he is looking elsewhere, getting in early and re-writing history.

If you had a real husband instead of this pouty man baby I'm sure you'd be a great wife.

Tell him he's not a good husband. It goes both ways. You've told him you need affection, he doesn't give it.

And why isn't he up with the kids overnight too? You both work, you both need sleep overnight, you should be splitting it.

This.
He's already made himself a victim in his mind, he's gearing up to go and find a younger, child free model (if he hasn't found her already)

I would be telling him if he took on more of a role with parenting and looking after the house maybe I'd have more energy and interest in investing in the relationship.

He is a CF. Probably worth a conversation though if you want the relationship to work. If he is out of the house so much he probably has no idea how draining it is parenting young children.

My response would have been "that's interesting, you are a good provider but not a good husband or father "

Or human being.

The gym? A married man/woman with children and the gym? This sort of preening is OK for those on the prowl, but adult parents in the gym? What is wrong with jogging in all weathers, swimming pool or cycling or walking? I think it is so naff and off-putting. It is also incredibly selfish of him - he works away, why the gym when he should be spending time with the family? When has it become normal to behave like a lone person whist being a family man?

Thank you all for your replies
I'm lying in bed here after having dumped the children on him... he can sort them this morning
My head is totally throbbing... im not great with dealing with this kinda thing... think i need to do a lot of thinking over the next few days and reevaluate everything... totally depressing that somebody i love sees so little value in all i do for our family

I know it's easier said than done but if your head is throbbing with the stress of it all perhaps try and do something for you to take your mind off it.
And go to back and re evaluate when you're ready.good luck op

Eh? I’m a 40 year old mother of 3, one disabled, and I go to the gym. No preening involved, I just really enjoy strength training and it’s good for my physical and mental health.

Men only care about their dick. You could stop all the domestic stuff and he wouldn't care if you dressed up in frilly undies and shagged him all the time.
Make sure he's pulling his weight and maybe you'll have more energy and inclination for sex.

Bravo. Sad, but true. Bravo.

What have you got against the gym 🤣 I'm a married parent who goes to the gym. I'm certainly not on the prowl. The gym is the only thing I do for myself and it helps keep me sane.

I think it’s sad that the natural reaction for many women, OP included, is to hear something utterly outrageous and still internalise it. OP, you’re not a bad wife, you’re one he doesn’t value but you’re not bad. No dent required. What is required is external anger and plenty of it. That statement should’ve lit a fuse on a bloody big firework. He should be ducking for cover and absolutely bricking it right now after saying that.

I am furious on your behalf, can I come and point out what a useless, unthinking, selfish pile of shit he is please?

As for the ego stroking, no, don’t lower yourself, he’s an adult man not a child.

While I don't disagree that married parents should be spending time with their family, I really fail to understand how going to the swimming pool or running outside differs to the gym? For all of those activities, you're spending time alone away from the family?

**Nothing against spending time alone away from the family doing something for yourself. Self care is important, whatever that looks like for an individual.

I’d tell him he can watch how much of a terrible ex wife I’m about to be and pack his bags.

it sounds like you’re a single parent anyway so no great loss to you or your children but good luck to him without his maid, cook, cleaner and child care.

Both my husband and I spend time alone or away from the family yes I don't see the issue with that bit

Mums netters showing their true colours here. Loads of "he's a twat" "he's a fucker" and recommending divorce. Shame on you, and get a grip.