Not a good wife

[Catdogmouse1]

If your husband said the words you are a great mother, but not a good wife how would u feel?
For context 2 kids under 5 husband works away 7am to 7pm.... gets to fit in gym time in the evening
I do all child related stuff, sort the finances, house admin, medical stuff, cooking and cleaning, oh and work full time as well. He hardly lifts a finger round the house... but apparently i am not a good wife.
Then he has the nerve 2 ask me what i do 4 him and that he doesnt care about washing or cooking... he can do that himself.
Am i missing something?

Does it have to be 4 beers?

Yip thats what he wants.... and cud end up being more if he takes a notion

As you've already said yourself Op you had a DC and changed and matured, you've accepted that you need to put your DC first and you've done that. Some men just find it much harder to accept that becoming a parent means they fall down the pecking order.
I've never had any DC because I know I'd struggle with the demands DC put on a parent and I'm realistic enough about myself to know that I wouldn't be a great DM, it's not a job where adequate and a bit begrudging is enough. Unfortunately, too many men still become DFs without thinking it through- they think it will be great, you'll do all the work but you'll still be all starry eyed about them, they have no idea how quickly their DW can go off them when all the responsibilities and work simply pass them by.
I know you want to keep your family together but that means an honest assessment of your marriage from both of you. He's whinging that you're not a good DW but does he have any idea how poorly you rate him as a DH?

A divorce is only as hard as the people involved make it. If you get one arsehole in a divorce who can afford to pay a fortune in fees simply to get one over on their ex, then yes its hell. Get two of those and its hell with added demons and sprinkles on top.

However, most people dont get that. Most divorces get rubber stamped. Unless either of you are massive earners or have huge amounts of money then the financial side will be tense at times but not insurmountable. And he sounds very lazy. To be actual arsehole in a divorce takes a HUGE amount of effort. Only those who actively consumed by hatred (ie, the pyschologically fucked up who care more about winning than the prize, no matter the cost to anyone) can be bothered with it. This is why you get so much bluster from arsehole men when you first say you want a divorce.....they will take the house, they will apply for custody of the kids, they will do XYZ, all in order to frighten you in staying and when you dont, in order to punish you. Then they find out that it takes a lot of effort which they cant be arsed with and also a HELL of a lot of money which they dont want to spend. So inevitably, after much bitching and moaning and telling anyone who will listen that "bitch ex took me to the cleaners", they will sign the paperwork and fuck off.

Not a reason to stay with lazy selfish thoughtless prick who doesnt love you, doesnt care about you and sees you simply as a domestic appliance that is playing up a bit.

But this is a choice- he has decided he can fit this long day out into his life. Would you consider a job that kept you out this much?
split up the tasks and let him do his share, but you have to accept it won’t be done the way you would have done it, but don’t manage his tasks or you may as well do it yourself.
getting up with kids in the night should be 50:50

I totally get what Ur saying and agree. Divorce isnt a good option. It's easy to think about and imagine a life less hassled but it brings it's own different set of problems. That's how I see it anyway. So yeah good point. Marriage isn't easy 😔 people aren't easy.

Just going through a divorce atm. Have applied online, £600, its all been ok so far tbh but were not complicated. The end is in sight 🤞

Sounds like you need to a break from this marriage.
A trial separation. As he sounds like he has a drink problem as well as being an a-hole treating you like a faulty appliance.
Or you are being controlling and in that case I'd be asking why.... what are you worried about or responding to?

Take a break. Divorce is not the end of the world but before you get there perhaps some couples counselling might be helpful?

He is most definitely referring to the lack of attention you may pay towards him and/or sex. You need to tell him if you had more help and therefore more time, things may be different! He sounds like an entitled narcissistic arsehole!!

You need to send him a link to this post so he can see just what a waste of a husband and father he is!!