Not a good wife

[Catdogmouse1]

If your husband said the words you are a great mother, but not a good wife how would u feel?
For context 2 kids under 5 husband works away 7am to 7pm.... gets to fit in gym time in the evening
I do all child related stuff, sort the finances, house admin, medical stuff, cooking and cleaning, oh and work full time as well. He hardly lifts a finger round the house... but apparently i am not a good wife.
Then he has the nerve 2 ask me what i do 4 him and that he doesnt care about washing or cooking... he can do that himself.
Am i missing something?

Im going to have 2 leave him a list for next week.when he has 2 watch the kids... my normal childminders r off so he has had 2 take holidays 2 look after them... im back to work next week after time off 2 watch the kids. Think he may be frazzled by the time i get home and i wont even b away as long a day as him

I'd book myself a weeks holiday alone and leave him in charge of everything, then let's see how he feels at the end of the week.

Maybe have an after work drink or coffee in other words....don't rush home.

The fact you have to leave him a list is ridiculous. A parent should know how to look after their own kids and know what's required in their own home. He's a shit dad and husband. He has a cheek to say you're not a good wife.

How can he expect whatever his definition of a good wife is when he doesn't put in any effort to be a good husband.

Have you pointed out to him that he is a shit husband???

I would feel that I had picked really really unwisely.

I would start researching divorcing.

I would respond that he is neither a good husband, nor a good father.

Tell him he’s a bad husband.

Why would it dent away at you, when objectively, the entire problem is him? You can't do any more than you are. The entire problem is him. And he is nasty on top of that. All him saying that shows is how horrible he is, it's nothing to do with you,

I think your a terrible husband

Why would you leave him a list?

If you are both working full time, then he should know as much as you.

If he doesn't, then that's on him.

Next week, mirror what he does, gym after work, drinks later, whinge he's not a good husband once you're home.

If my DH was gone 7-7 then the time after that to go to the gym, I don't think I'd have much energy left over to be a 'good wife' either. It doesn't sound like he's a great husband, being away so much.

Another vote for no list. No pointing out P.E kits need washing, lunches need making. Nothing. Tell him beforehand the kids are his responsibility this week, and at the end you'll let him know how he's been as a husband. (The kids will tell him what sort of father he's been.)Knobber.

I mean, it's the summer holidays so whatever counts as non term-time stuff! Oops. Terrible wife, me.

My husband did say that.

Thankfully, he is now my ex husband! He was a rubbish human being.

Make sure you’re booked to do something after work on those days…dinner with a friend, cinema, gym, whatever. He does it, he doesn’t come home as soon as he’s finished work because he knows you’re there picking up the slack.
Then make it your aim to go out at least twice a week while he looks after the DC.

💯 %

When kids wake during the night, switch main light on, crash around the place and dump a child on top of him while you tend to the other. From now on NO washing, cooking and ANYTHING that supports him is cancelled.

"Am i missing something?"

Yes, the phone number for a shit hot divorce lawyer.

I could have written this. The nasty comments, criticism etc just got worse to the point the only communication between us was his criticism and abuse. I decided this year to leave him. You deserve better than this. Hope its a very short phase that he apologises for and tries to make amends. Your week next week sounds a good enough time to make him realise just what you do. Id book a few playdates he has to turn up to, maybe hairdresser for kids and send him for birthfday presents for kids wee friends. Ask him to resesrch clubs and get kids on waiting lists for x, y and z - he has to find contact details etc though. ;-) its not a week to stay holed up indoors. You will feel bad but stay out late too. Ypu deserve me-time.

Don't leave a fucking list! He's their father!

I'd tell him to go fuck himself.

I would tell him he's a shite husband and a shite father as he never does anything for either the kids or you! Then I would remind him that there are certain things that he can also do for himself and hand him a box of tissues.

Don’t leave the prick a list. Let him figure it out like the big man he thinks he is. Why are you with him?

Can you get a week’s evening entry to a nearby health spa and have a swim and steam each day after work, like he goes to the gym. Sounds like you need a pick-me-up.

Then you can look forward to coming home to ‘a good husband’, who’s attentive to your needs, after his day with the kids 😉