AIBU to have my (just) 16 Yr old DD on a tracking app?

[ChicaneOvenchips]

Posting here for traffic as teens board not very busy.

My DD, just turned 16, says out of all her friends, she's the only person who's parent has them on a tracking app (in our case life 360) and this is highly embarrassing and uncalled for because she's really sensible.

She is sensible, I'm not worried she'll do anything silly. But I like to know that I could find her if she was in danger or scared. We live on an estate not in a town, with a bus service that is unreliable and infrequent and requires her to walk around 10-15 mins home from the nearest bus stop, partly through an unlit lane.

So AIBU or is this quite normal for her age and our circumstances?

I suspect you’re not the only parent. I think it’s quite sensible.
My DS has DH and i on the iPhone find my tool. He is an adult and a biker, so I think it gives both some reassurance . Mind you he sometimes messages me to ask what I’m doing in X or Y.

Personally, I do not track my daughter. She is sensible and I trust her not to be silly, if she was in a dangerous situation (missed last bus or walking through an area she felt unsafe in) she can ring me- which she does.
Unless I was watching her on an app at all times that she is out of the house, then I wouldn't be aware that she was in a sketchy area anyway And I don't think that level of surveillance and stress is necessary for every time she leaves the house.
I trust that she can assess situations appropriately and she knows that I will come and get her if she feels unsafe.
She has, on occasion, also shared her location with me via google when she needs me to know it. For example when she is at a party or a new friends house so I know where to go to collect her.

A sensible 16 year old that hasn't given you any reason not to trust her, sounds old enough to have tracking her location be on her terms, i.e she shares it when she is going out late or she feels unsafe.

I understand why you do it but at 16 if she's starting to be uncomfortable with it then it may be time to stop. I think she's old enough to decide when she is tracked.

This is a complete invasion of privacy and totally unacceptable.

I think at 16 it has got to be consensual. I would have absolutely hated to be tracked by my parents at that age. As a compromise how about she switches it on if she is out late at night or something?

I have the same app to track DD (almost 16) and she tracks me. We are both happy with it. It's not often I actually use it - today I did as out for the day with grandparents and I wanted to see if they were near to home before I nipped the shop

If you pay the bill can you say you are tracking the phone rather than her?

My DD 19 and DS 17 and me are connected on find my friends. It's useful when giving them lifts etc, none of us mind. I don't track them but could and they could see where I was but it's a non issue .

At that age, if she doesn't want it then you should stop.

I think it's fine if she consents, but she doesn't, and then I don't think it's morally okay sorry.

This is also going to damage your relationship - you say she's sensible so she has earned your trust, you need to work towards a compromise. What about asking her to text you at certain times?

If she doesn't consent then you need to stop.

Both my almost 19yo DS and over 60 yo OH are on Find My with me on theirs

we have a dog that likes to faff about outside and it helps to see where they are before I let him out

I don’t abuse it with DS, and it has helped with finding him when he got a puncture on his way to a lunch reservation with us. I went and got him, we ate, we then sorted his tyre out.

@ChicaneOvenchips your dd is only 16, it’s as much for her benefit as your peace of mind.

I had my DS when he was younger, he wasn’t a happy about it when he got to about 15, so we took it off.
Now he’s 17 almost 18 he understands im not tracking him and we all have it on DH & I he’s put it back on.
Mainly just helps if anyone forgets to say they have set off from work or driving and not contactable etc.

My kids asked for privacy much younger than 16.

They were expected to text more as a result eg giving me a new ETA because their bus hadn’t turned up but they were happy with that compromise. If I called them because they hadn’t turned up on time then they always answered too.

They didn’t share their location on SnapMaps either. I don’t know why some teens give their location on SnapMaps but not on FindMyFriend

Yabu to track imo. She doesn't want you do, she's almost 16.

Our kids are happy to have it at 20 and 15. They know we don't track them and that we've only used it a handful of times in the years we've all had it.

At 16, if they didn't want it, I wouldn't make them, but ours don't see it as a big deal and have found it useful at time's to see where we are.

I have my dc on life 360, however I worry that if they are going somewhere they shouldn't they might be tempted to leave the phone behind, which would obviously make them more vulnerable. I think if they are asking for it to be turned off then at age 16 you should respect their privacy and turn it off.

Op I totally get it and I think some people are being a bit harsh.
Tell your dd it's not her you don't trust it's other people, and you're old enough to know even the most sensible of women and girls can come to harm.
It's a funny age, and the more they grow the bigger the worry when they're looking for a bit of independence, we've all been there.

How about asking your dd if she will share her location with you once she's alone and on her at home?

They never stop being your babies, my dd is in her 30s and I still worry.

We have 3 generations on mutual tracking via our preferred apps. I don't see the issue. It's simply a useful tool and you never know when it might come in handy. None of us check the tracking regularly - it's just there in case of need. (We all also have the SOS alerts set up, just in case. Although... at least 2 of us have accidentally sent the SOS alert, which is always fun. Tbh... I can never remember what you're supposed to press - I think it's 3 or 5 times the power button?)

Once My DS wasn’t keep i stopped it - he was 13 of 14. I think it’s a bit intrusive if they aren’t keen

First off don’t listen to the people here whose kids are fine with this. Your DD is not fine with it, so that’s whose opinion you need to be concerned about.

You will damage the trust and your relationship with her if you don’t start respecting her reasonable boundaries and expectations.

I would be concerned given the prevalence of location sharing with friends that if she wants it switched off she’s doing something you’d prefer she wasn’t. Only you know whether that’s because she is up to no good, or whether you are restrictively strict.

My young adult DC are still connected to me on find my friends.

I use it for convenience: are they home? has the taxi collected them? Etc. I’ve always been clear that I don’t check up on them in an are they where they said they’d be sense.

it’s much more convenient to see that DS is 60km away rather than wait for him to respond to a text about whether he’s in for dinner

anyway it works for us and of course they could switch it off they want but they never have.

Hmmm.
Perhaps an unpopular opinion but she is still a child, regardless of whether she is 16 or not. If she wants trust, it is reciprocal.

If you feel she is sensible then that's fine, and maybe see how she goes without it.

For me, children are children still and whilst there has to be give and take, parents should be in charge in a household.

However I am skewed from the 100s of children I've worked with who have been here there and everywhere dangerous, missing, etc. In cases where parents have had tracking apps, it has been incredibly useful to locate them and keep them safe from themselves, as yes, they are still children 16 or not.

My dc, 16 and 20 are connected to me and each other in find my friends. They both travel around Europe independently a lot, and feel happier knowing that I know where they are.

I can guarantee that she’s not the only one whose parents ‘track’ them. However my kids wouldn’t know if I’d checked on their whereabouts because I would never comment on where they’d been.

If she doesn't want to be tracked she will find a way around it eg. leaving her phone at a friend's and going out without it. Much safer that she has it on her and can call/text.
As for the dangers from other people, the first thing someone with bad intentions is going to do is get rid of the phone. Better to teach them about how to respond to dangers than rely on technology and think they're safe

I'll be cracking mine when she starts going out on her own, I'll not even tell her butbwouldnt comment in where's she's been. I think tracking is quite sensible