AIBU to have my (just) 16 Yr old DD on a tracking app?

[ChicaneOvenchips]

Posting here for traffic as teens board not very busy.

My DD, just turned 16, says out of all her friends, she's the only person who's parent has them on a tracking app (in our case life 360) and this is highly embarrassing and uncalled for because she's really sensible.

She is sensible, I'm not worried she'll do anything silly. But I like to know that I could find her if she was in danger or scared. We live on an estate not in a town, with a bus service that is unreliable and infrequent and requires her to walk around 10-15 mins home from the nearest bus stop, partly through an unlit lane.

So AIBU or is this quite normal for her age and our circumstances?

find my iPhone you have full control over who tracks you anyway

My 17 year old is on it and has never once complained. We don't limit her freedom as a result of her having it. Most of her friends are also on it. Is it likely your daughter wants to meet someone without telling you? To me it suggests she wants to go somewhere without your knowledge. Unlike others I think 16 is too young for total freedom. 18 years old is that age.

At 16
I was expected to be honest with my parents about where I was.

You'll only get her to consent to it if she feels it gives her more freedom not less.

So say you live in west London and she wants to go to a gig in East London - yes cool if she's being tracked so if she gets into trouble you can help. If shes not being tracked then she's only allowed a bus ride away from Richmond and has to be home by 9pm not 10pm. Etc

That has nothing to do with my point which is that people think tracking means they know where their teen is, when the reality is all they know is where their teen’s phone is.

Hmm and you’re missing my point which is that obviously it’s the phone you’re tracking not the teen, but the phone will usually be where the teen is unless it’s been stolen. Your average teen doesn’t need to leave their phone behind to go off radar, they can just disable the tracking.

It’s really not my mum and I have basically raised my niece from the minute she was born my sister only took an interest when her now husband came on the scene and then she lost interest again she bends over backwards for his teenage daughters she will drop everything to take his daughters to a doctors appointment or to school or anywhere they need to go, my niece has been asking since last year for an ADHD assessment and she’s still waiting the excuse is always I’m working and I’m busy she’s just recently had 3 weeks holiday from work and was able to take her youngest step daughter to the doctors but still hasn’t taken my niece I would take her myself but my sister would get arsey if I did that. Anywhere I take my niece everyone automatically assumes that I’m her mum my niece has never corrected them. My niece knows that her mum doesn’t give 2 flying shits about her and will always put her step daughters or even her DH’s ex wife before my niece. Like I said she doesn’t give a shit about her and it breaks my heart to see how upset my niece gets over it all.

@Dweebie so they can either turn off their location which their parents will notice and face the consequences when they get home, or else leave their phone at the location they say they at, head off out without it with their parents none the wiser.... I know which I would've done if my parents were crazy enough to have a tracker on my phone as a teen!

I don’t think she would’ve bothered her arse over it even if we had done it without her knowing.

Exactly. Parents who think their teens won’t do this are quite naive

Ah, 1471 how did she find out it was a pay phone?

The humiliation of dad coming into the pub - the shame of it.

Your friend’s experience which is similar to mine wasn’t a regular occurrence. You got found out and didn’t do it again. Unlike constant tracking which so many children are subjected to.

You can only see where they are not what they are doing. God chill out. You have to have some level of trust with your teen and hope your parental input has gone in to some extent so they make good choices when out with their pals. Fracking means you know where they are for me it’s more a practical thing, Sorry think there are some real drama queens on this thread.

Actually find my phone been really useful today on family day out with teens we keep splitting off to do different things then we just track where we are to meet up for lunch etc. That’s about as sinister as it gets sorry to disappoint.

How hard is it to say meet at x around noon… I’m buying lunch?

Can’t you just, you know, communicate and arrange a time and place? Wouldn’t that be easier?

The techs there why not use it? Like insisting on using a map and not the satnav. Why do that when tech makes life easier? Weird attitude. Dh with teen 1 im with the other I use find my phone to meet them. Easier than constant phone calls.

Dh with teen 1 im with the other I use find my phone to meet them. Easier than constant phone calls.

Why the need for consant phone calls? Just say, before you separate, 'We'll meet at XXXX for lunch at 1.00/back at the car at 3.00.' Like people used to do before mobile phones existed.

Oh ffs we were wandering round a loud crazy area of london one with each teen Dh and dd1 had enough so had found a cafe I could just track him then my phone directs us to where they were. I did phone Dh but it was so noisy I couldn’t hear a word he said.

Just seems so weird and dramatic to have such an issue with using a bog standard feature on your phone that makes life marginally easier 🙄. Like I said - drama queens.

We've had life 360 for a few years (my sons are now 17 and 20). It's been a non issue for us. It's rare I look at it and if I do, it's usually to see whether they've left somewhere to time dinner. I don't look at it if they're out with their friends.

I'm not a helicopter parent. They both took the tube from 9 or 10, went on holiday abroad with their friends after A levels and go out to parties/stay over. It's useful on odd occasions and if anything ever went wrong, I'd be grateful for it but it doesn't curtail their freedom in any way. I do expect the 17yo to tell me his rough plans if he's going out but I don't check on the app.

There are people on here admitting to not being able to sleep for worry about where their grown up children who no longer live at home are, unless they can track them.
Stories of older teens who can drive and have a full time job being too worried to be out on there own without being tracked by their parents

And WE are the drama queens??

I have dh and all my dc on trackers. I rarely check them as we all know each others plans etc. it’s literally for only if someone is uncontactable and late for example that I will check it. It’s more of a safety net that’s hardly ever used

I'd have refused it at that age and I'm very against tracking generally.

If you truly only have it incase you need to find her in an emergency you could just get a what 3 words location from her.

I think this to - and have 3 teens who learnt to be considerate over years - but mine don't stay out all night like some parents seem to have and Op does have some additional concerns round memory.

Also consideration did take years to embed and we built up slowly with a few minor hiccups - I suppose the tracking apps seem like an easy short cut to avoid all that effort.

My DC are early 20s. We have never tracked them.
We did have a conversation when they were older teens about how it’s polite to let us know if you’re planning on staying over at a friends. This was as a result of one of them not coming home one night and then their battery died.
We did not panic and phone the police- they were technically an adult and police would have advised just that- wait and see if phone had died and they were at a mates. I was beginning to get a little twitchy I have to admit, but panicking doesn’t solve anything. Once I explained it from my side they were good about messaging in the future.
Giving them the skills to be independent is so important- one of them traveled half way round the world and had to deal with cancelled flights and rebooking the journey to come home. We didn’t step in to rescue- we allowed them to figure it out for themselves. 2 days later they were back safely and commented there were lots of things they’d have done differently- so lessons well learned.

I am so glad you posted this and I completely agree with you. I was told that I should butt out and not have an opinion simply because my child isn’t a teenager yet! I will be following your examples for sure.