AIBU to have my (just) 16 Yr old DD on a tracking app?

[ChicaneOvenchips]

Posting here for traffic as teens board not very busy.

My DD, just turned 16, says out of all her friends, she's the only person who's parent has them on a tracking app (in our case life 360) and this is highly embarrassing and uncalled for because she's really sensible.

She is sensible, I'm not worried she'll do anything silly. But I like to know that I could find her if she was in danger or scared. We live on an estate not in a town, with a bus service that is unreliable and infrequent and requires her to walk around 10-15 mins home from the nearest bus stop, partly through an unlit lane.

So AIBU or is this quite normal for her age and our circumstances?

One of things I don't get is you are tracking a device not a person, a person is not always with their device being tracked

All jokes aside about teenagers and phones it doesn't sound reassuring even if I had any interest in doing it anyway

How does a tracking app keep you safe?

My dd is on my find my iPhone. I said I’d take it off when she’s 16.

Agreed.

My 14 yr old and I have each other on Snapchat map thingy, as family link is playing up on her phone at the mo.

Personally I think it's wrong to have a tracking app on the phone of a 16 year old without their permission.

They're NOT a child anymore, are very much their own person and have the right to privacy.

My DC is nearly 16 and I can't imagine forcing them to have this app. I had it when they were younger but would never now.

Build trust and teach her how to deal with an emergency.

Did you have a tracker on you at 16? No,

and you are fine.

We are all on the Apple one and it makes life so much easier. My 19-year-old switched his off in a huff but has put it back on again now.

We location share as a family.

But if 16yo dd wasn’t happy with it, I’d take her off, and ask her to location share for a set time via WhatsApp for special occasions when I really needed to know where she is. That’s what she does with her grandparents when she’s coming back late to their house, and they want to know when to leave to meet her at the station.

I don’t track my teens, never felt the need and I’d have hated it if my mum could have tracked me

My dd 13/16 have find my iPhone.

They don't seem to mind. I can use it to see how close to home they are so I can put dinner on.

My 16yo goes to a lot of concerts solo so i can track when she's in tube in case she forgets to call me so I know when to leave home to pick her up.

They use it to see where I am sometimes.

My youngest goes all over the place so I definitely am more comfortable with her having it.

I hate the fact that tracking people is becoming the norm.

I'm only in my thirties but I find the whole thing really disturbing - I'm also eternally grateful that such things never existed when I was a teenager 😂

At the end of the day it doesn't help keep anyone safe as it only tracks their phone, which they could easily turn off or leave behind if they wanted to sneak around 🤷‍♀️

I find people tracking people horrifying. I wouldn't like it so I don't track my 16 year old. He tells me where he's going, how he's getting home etc. just like I did growing up. Things like this are the reason so many teens suffer anxiety. You're basically telling them they have no common sense and can't make sensible decisions to keep theirselves safe.

The conversation should be:

I know you're sensible, but you have a track record of forgetting to reply to me. I don't feel comfortable not knowing where you are, therefore for the meantime, it's Life 360. Perhaps if you're able to answer communications reliably over the next few months, we can look at it again.

Most families have each other on tracking apps, it's a modern convenience.

I’m glad there was no tracking apps at 16, I was sensible too but I was not always where I said I was…

But I know a lot of teen parents use it.

It's pretty useful if you were to lose your phone too. It's not just tracking a person.

When my DD13 goes out I might check it a couple of times just to see she arrived at her destination and whether she might have moved towns or something. I don't sit watching it all day.

Also have it for DH so I can see when he's left work or almost home

But I like to know that I could find her if she was in danger or scared

My DD says a saying: “the strictest parents have the sneakiest kids”. And I think she’s right. And what you are doing by tracking your DD against her will is creating an incentive for her not to take her phone if she’s going somewhere you may not like. Which is precisely the time when she might feel scared or be in danger. So it’s ultimately completely counterproductive.

Don’t know anyone that doesn’t track - why wouldn’t you!

Whilst I am inclined to agree that strict parents create sneaky kids, I totally disagree that tracking in and of itself is strict.

the reason my DCs have all been content to be tracked (and haven’t switched it off themselves despite being young adults and with one of them being overseas) is precisely because I am not strict. Tracking has never been used for anything other than a tool of convenience or safety.

I’m not strict - dd2 is extremely social and whizzes about our small city with her hundreds of friends so I like to see where she’s got to for my peace of mind. Saves me pestering her as where she is one glance confirms she’s at x s house all good don’t need to bother her and know not to make tea for her tea etc

My DD15 tracks me more on Life360 she'd be pissed off if we stopped using it. But OP yes I would leave it on, and just say it's just for safety reasons. It's the only reason we use it as she gets a coach to school in a town 30 mins away etc

I don't agree with tracking teens. I think it's intrusive, provides a false sense of security and normalises control, particularly for girls. And it does noting at all to make kids safer.

I think the same about tracking kids of any age, actually.

Most families have each other on tracking apps, it's a modern convenience.

Do they?

Because outside of MN, I don't know a single person who has any kind of tracking app.

No, I do not believe in low-jacking your children. She’s nearly 16. I was wandering around the streets from age 10 and never came to any harm. Crime rates are lower now than then. Allow her some independence.

Dh, myself and both our children, 21 and 18 all share our map location all the time. No one is checking it, no one is watching Ds go to work and come home again. It is to find the phone if it goes missing and find them if they go missing. There are lots of reports of missing teens, adults etc in the news. I don't know why she has to tell anyone her phone is being tracked.

I've never tracked my teen. The thought of it is completely alien to me. If I'm picking her up we use WhatsApp live location if it helps.

If your 16 yo doesn't want to be tracked then I think you need to respect that.