AIBU to have my (just) 16 Yr old DD on a tracking app?

[ChicaneOvenchips]

Posting here for traffic as teens board not very busy.

My DD, just turned 16, says out of all her friends, she's the only person who's parent has them on a tracking app (in our case life 360) and this is highly embarrassing and uncalled for because she's really sensible.

She is sensible, I'm not worried she'll do anything silly. But I like to know that I could find her if she was in danger or scared. We live on an estate not in a town, with a bus service that is unreliable and infrequent and requires her to walk around 10-15 mins home from the nearest bus stop, partly through an unlit lane.

So AIBU or is this quite normal for her age and our circumstances?

*tracking

And when she finds out she will never trust you again.

Thanks so much for every reply, it's useful to see both sides. My DD has inattentive ADHD and doesn't answer the phone when I need to get hold of her and is always late home.

I've been asked by one of her friends mums on more than one occasion to tell her where they are (on occasions when they are together) as her friend also isn't answering her phone. So while that friends mum might not have the app, she's certainly made use of one!

DD went to a very alternative school and maybe it is true that none of her friends parents have a tracking app. However from my own circle of friends I think it's completely normal. I'm in a circle with my own parents! I like the reassurance that if I had a car accident they'd know and vice versa.

She is still technically a child for another 2 years which is why I must admit I didn't think anyone really would say it's a hard no.

I certainly don't abuse it by looking where she is at all hours, it's just if I can't get hold of her I want to check she's safe and keep track of her journey home on public transport and walking alone late at night.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable if you both agree to it but if she doesn’t want it you should stop. A friend of mine got us to do that iPhone friend tracking thing for a while and I really really hated the feeling that someone would know where I was all the time - even down to not wanting her to judge me if I was just at home on a Friday. Your 16 year old should be able to have normal teenage experiences of independence. She can always send you her live location if bus is cancelled etc.

Do you mean you can track her phone or do you have something like an AirTag physically strapped onto her?

It's life 360 app on her phone.

As a family my h, 16 year old d, and I have Find My on all devices. I've always said I would stop as soon as she asked, but for now she's perfectly happy with it.

I think you either all track each other as a family, or now she's expressed she's unhappy you stop tracking her

I am 57. Tracking your child is shocking to me. I grew up before this was possible, obviously, and I am glad I did.

I don’t use a tracking app for DD (19) but many of her friends’ parents used them.

The general consensus was that once they turned 18, it was their decision whether to continue using it. That seems logical to me, as parents are responsible for their children under the age of 18. This changes once they’re 18 and I personally think that adults need to give their consent. I believe that her friends had differing responses, some were fine to continue, others ended it.

As your DD is 16, I think it’s still your decision.

My 14 and 17 year old and I have Life360 together. It was mostly to see where my eldest was when out walking but now it's useful to see if he's on his way back from college. He's happy with it, suggested it actually. I'm sure he can take it off if he ever disagrees.

She is 16 and it should be up to her now. I have said no to life 360 when asked as I feel it is an invasion of privacy. I think at this stage you need to step back a bit and accept she is almost an adult and may not want to share so much with you

I think we are officially dinosaurs 🦕 🤣

I’m the same it would have never occurred to my mum to want to know where I was all the time and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted her to know.

I think YABU especially considering she has told you she's not happy with it. When I think to when I was 16, I was a very sensible teen and had a great group of friends. We still pushed boundaries.

I'd be worried she'd end up leaving her phone at home or her friend's house and heading out without it to "appear" in a certain location on the app. That to me is far more unsafe. She'd have no way to contact you in an emergency!

I think you should compromise and say you won’t track her unless she is out for the evening or reliant upon you picking her when she gets to a certain place, so you need to see when she is there.

You only know where her phone is anyway. You are encouraging her to go out or go places without her phone, so she can’t be tracked, which means she is without a method to call for help if needed.

Exactly. I thought that was part of being a teenager. And part of being a parent is trying to instil and tiny bit of sense.

We all have it too.

I still use 360 with my 2 adult daughters. It keeps all of us safe

How do her friends even know that she is on it?

I have it for my daughter. I did ask when she was 18 if she'd like me to remove it, but she said she likes it as she tracks me to see if she can get a lift home!
She travels on the trains a lot on her own and I think she likes the security.
I don't look it at unless I'm meeting her or picking her up from the station and I certainly don't control where she goes at 18.

If this is human 16yo not a dog if I was her I would get rid of it no I do not track my child

Everyone goes on the family Life 360 circle in this family as soon as they are old enough to have a phone and be out on their own.

I pay the phone bills. Being on Life 360 is part of the deal. No one has ever had a problem with it.

DD13 I check the location occasionally. DD16 ASD/ADHD I track closely. When she's sensible and independent enough to pay for her own phone then she can choose whether to stay on Life 360. We're a long way away from that stage.

I put life 360 on all our phones, so the kids could track us parents. I think it gets used far more to check where mum and dad are than the other way round. If your DD doesn't find it helpful though and your trust her I would remove it and see how you both get on.

I didn't know this app existed until my 15 year old told me to download it. He would sooner I had the app and rang him less to check in but he also uses it with his friends. My 13 year old on the other hand was initially against but now quite likes knowing where everyone is, especially now he's starting to spend time home alone.

Same. I find it horrifying. Thank God I was an 80s and 90s child.

Glad I'm not the only one thinking like this. I was scanning the thread and starting to think there was something wrong with me! 😂