To tell MIL she can't hold baby

[FreightTrain]

Just arrived at in-laws with our 7w old DD, they've met her twice.

MIL gets cold sores, discussed with DH in car and asked him to be on look out for if she has one as she can't hold baby if so. Arrived, no cold sore but after being here ten mins it seems she is a bit ill. Sounds hoarse, nose a bit red, popping cough sweets. DH is an oblivious man so either hasn't noticed or hasn't put 2+2 together about it not being ideal to have our baby around her.

I've managed to escape the room that they're having lunch as baby needs fed. I want out of here asap and don't want her to hold baby. What do I do?!

I have three babies- and have had plenty of trips to hospital with them . And I don’t know if you have more than one, but any parent will tell you in you have a baby with an older sibling in nursery you are screwed.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t do what you can to reduce contact. You may not be able to avoid everything but that doesn’t mean you can take steps to reduce risk.

not giving a newborn a cuddle when you have a cold - or D and v or anything else contagious - should just be common sense.

not giving a newborn a cuddle when you have a cold - or D and v or anything else contagious - should just be common sense

Yes of course.

Yep she caught the cold off her older sister from nursery. Still wouldn’t go out of my way to let someone openly unwell cuddle her though 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ why risk it anymore?

I e been trying to make this point but not as eloquently haha

I don’t want to be in the house of someone with a cold and I’m not a newborn! I’m glad she didn’t hold baby but what she thinking allowing you to come around with a newborn while she was unwell. Mind boggles

@FreightTrain I'm usually not one to comment on here but would just like to say you are not being dramatic or over anxious at all op.
Everyone who is saying they would be fine letting theyre babies catch a cold or let someone who is mot well hold them etc have never had a baby who has become seriously ill. My LO developed bronchiolitis because i was too afraid of hurting a family members feeling by telling them not to hold him when they were ill. Within 2 days he deteriorated and was hospitalised. The first thing the paediatric dr asked was was there anyone who was not well in the family that he had been in contact with.
Each to their own but seeing him have a feeding tube put in and fight for every breath was enough for me to never allow that to happen again.

A DD could still bring a DIL home! 😬

I'm certain you're just getting mad replies because it is your MIL and people have weird attitudes towards MILs on here. If you'd said it was your sister or your nice or your cousin or something it'd be different and entirely more sensible

I hope you were able to stop mil infecting your baby. X

A cold isn’t life threatening for a baby 😭😭

And your medical experience to say that is?

because my son spent 2 weeks on a ventilator when he got a cold as a newborn.

Sorry about your experience. That is very unusual. I guess your baby had a cold which then progressed to a secondary condition such as pneumonia? Most newborns and children will not have those kinds of complications.

It’s more common than you think. One of the most common reasons for under twos to be hospitalised is RSV virus, RSV is the virus which causes the common cold in adults.

your ignorance is really showing so please don’t downplay the facts. A common cold can kill a baby. A common cold can hospitalise a baby. Why would you take the risk?

I don’t understand why you’re getting a hard time from some posters, OP. I stay well away from young babies if I have a cold or feel unwell. She’s also the child’s GM so she should actually care about the baby’s health.

Absolute rubbish. My 1st baby was exclusively breastfed and ended up in hospital at 4 weeks old with rsv which is just a horrible cold for adults but can be deadly for babies.

Get a grip.

I hope you left immediately OP. My poor DS caught an awful.cold from me at 10 days old and was hospitalised for a week on oxygen. The wards was full of RSV babies. I felt awful but as the (breastfeeding) mother, I couldn't stay away whilst I was ill (illness started 3 days prior to birth). I keep physical distance from adults when I am ill, and if it were a baby, I stay away from being in their presence. It is unbelievably selfish to put a baby in danger just so I could see it (and I presume this isn't the first time your MIL has seen her grandchild?)

Hello OP - your post came up on my Facebook and I’ve joined MN just to answer it. Your instincts are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

Lots of people don’t know how dangerous cold sores are to young babies. Cold sores carry the herpes virus, which can cause meningitis and encephalitis in babies who don’t have immunity yet to the herpes virus.

Lots of babies are born with immunity because their mum has had cold sores and so the baby has built up the immunity in the womb but this is by no means guaranteed.

I know all of this because my baby got this virus when they were 10 days old, and suffered hugely. We did not know if they would survive.

From that experience I met many other parents who had similar experiences - some of their children have brain damage as a result and some have sadly died.

You need to speak to your MIL - this is such a little known danger and of course she will understand once the risks are set out. You’re not being OTT at all. You’re being a wise mum. Good luck x

I don’t understand the people saying you are being precious. Are they aware babies have becoming seriously ill from contracting the cold sore virus? She might not have one now but it could come on from being run down from the cold.
Also it’s plain silly and selfish for person who visibly has the cold to insist on holding a newborn baby. To the people who are saying she is bound to have been exposed to something in seven weeks- no not necessarily, and there is a world of difference between accidentally catching one and a baby being handed to someone who you know has a cold.
Look, chances are that if mil washes her hands and doesn’t kiss baby the risks are minimal. But she would also have to not breathe on her to avoid transmitting the cold. So no kissing and no holding too close. So are you going going to be watching her like a hawk and policing how close she is or saying ‘ok you can hold her but keep her at arms length’. It’s up to you if you want to do that and take the risk. Some babies sail through a cold others really suffer.
If it was me personally I’d rather just say ‘you don’t look too well mil Id rather you didn’t hold baby for now to make sure she doesn’t catch anything’.
Anyone with an ounce of sense would give a heads up that they weren’t feeling well to anyone intending on visiting with a tiny baby

Most? That’s not a risk I’d be prepared to take

Not true. Ds caught a cold from MIL at 2 weeks old and ended up in hospital for ten days with bronchiolitis. It doesn’t harm to be a little cautious.

Almost every newborn will come into contact with cold viruses.

Especially if there are siblings, they’ll be bringing home all sorts of bugs from day 1. It is expected and normal for newborns to be exposed to this type of virus, and complications are freak events. Unfortunately, there will always be babies who do develop pneumonia, croup, and other conditions no matter what.

That said, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for OP not to want her visibly unwell MIL snuggling up to the baby! I wouldn’t either.

Breastfeeding does provide immunity but not total immunity @Oldermum84 . My own youngest, exclusively breastfed, spent a week in hospital with RSV as a 6 week old.

Absolutely yes. My own mother would not hold baby is she was unwell