To tell MIL she can't hold baby

[FreightTrain]

Just arrived at in-laws with our 7w old DD, they've met her twice.

MIL gets cold sores, discussed with DH in car and asked him to be on look out for if she has one as she can't hold baby if so. Arrived, no cold sore but after being here ten mins it seems she is a bit ill. Sounds hoarse, nose a bit red, popping cough sweets. DH is an oblivious man so either hasn't noticed or hasn't put 2+2 together about it not being ideal to have our baby around her.

I've managed to escape the room that they're having lunch as baby needs fed. I want out of here asap and don't want her to hold baby. What do I do?!

Your baby will pick up bugs, so you just need to get used to it I'm afraid.

quick question....would this also apply to your mum ???

She's simply protecting HER baby!!!

She has already answered this question multiple times and made it clear yes she would

As I've said several other times on this thread YES!

This isn't about MIL bashing so stop trying to make it that.

90 percent of cold sores come from mothers who carry the virus without symptoms & are transmitted by not washing hands.

Whenever I read these sort threads I am grateful to have DDs and not a DS who will bring a DIL home!

Why, because you want to get sick and snuggle your sons newborn?

I'm not a precious person at all, I frown upon so many of the pfb posts on here. However, this OP isn't one of them.

Just sounds like you are looking for reasons to deny your MIL to hold the baby tbh.

If you are overanxious and controlling about other family members’ access to and interactions with your child, it will negatively affect relationships all round .

a cold can kill a newborn. Any relative who puts the need for a cuddle over a babies life doesn’t deserve a relationship with them

Why?

You would choose to put a newborn baby at risk of illness, possible hospitalisation and even death so you can get a cuddle if you were sick and get cold sores (herpes)?

I really hope not. It is not a MIL issue, it just happens to be her MIL. OP has also said she doesn’t go to her own mum’s house because she is a heavy smoker.

Baby’s health is more important than feelings.

You’ve made up your mind, OP. You’d made it up before posting. Spare us the continual arguing and just do whatever you’re going to do.

I agree, be kind but firm.

I'm surprised how many people are blasé about someone with a cold handling their newborn. A cold is uncomfortable for them but RSV which causes cold like symptoms in older folk can be serious for babies.

It's just common sense to keep small babies away from sick people.

How dramatic. Common colds are everywhere. Regardless, OP was already apparently looking for reasons to deny MIL a cuddle before they even arrived and doesn’t even know she has a cold!

You sound insufferable and like the kind of person who will raise children allergic to the world. I understand if she has a cold you don’t want her holding the baby but not being able to merely joke a baby because she has a cold sore (I am talking about holding not kissing).

Dear God. You remind me of a former acquaintance who makes people use hand sanitizer before they could hold her baby.

YABU

This only works for pfbs!

By the time you have your second your first is bringing in every cold in the planet home to them...

OP if I were you I’d leave the thread and concentrate on your baby. You’ve had lots of advice about keeping the baby safe including from a paediatric nurse who I’m sure knows more than some of the posters who just love a pile on and to say a mother is wrong. Clearly some very resentful MILs on here who want to take their frustration out on you.

I have had bad luck of having colds when a few of my friends had their babies. I made a point of staying away until I was better as I wouldn't forgive myself if I had passed it on. This meant in a few instances I didn't see their babies for a while, but that is better than the alternative.

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't want anyone who is knowing I'll holding a newborn/young baby.

Not so much life threatening but holding a baby when u have a cold u would think common sense would prevail here and despite baby having immunity you would think that people would just refrain from doing so

Ask her
"Aww, have you the sniffles" Before she asks to hold baby. So as not to ruffle feathers.

My baby was very unwell after catching a normal cold. And the ward was full of similarly aged babies. It’s more common than you’d think.

As I’ve said on this thread a few times my second got a cold off my first. Unavoidable, but it made her incredibly sick.

We still went out and about because colds are a fact of life and these things happen, but if I knew someone was ill I’d steer clear. It’s just mitigating risks. In the same way I wouldn’t let them snuggle with someone who had noro. Sure they’ll likely get D&V at some point, but why increase the odds.

Maybe your first child did, but that isn’t the case for everyone.

Both of my children rarely caught colds when they were babies and toddlers, and when they were in nursery. If one was poorly, I kept them away from their sibling because I rather have one sick child than two. Easy for me, oldest wasn’t that bothered about his brother until the sibling was 2.5 and they could chase after each other. When their baby sister was born, same rule applied to them. My own parents also took precautions since they were flying over, one who is in the medical field. No sensible person wants to take the chance of getting a newborn sick all for a cuddle.

Actually I had my mum stay for three months with subsequent Dc and the main thing I asked for help with was minding baby for drop-off/ pick ups so I didn’t need to take them into a nursery environment and then allowing me to do the evening routines separately . If older Dc had a cold, I actually didn’t mix them. I realise not everyone has this level of support available but I’m just saying the principle of protecting them in those early weeks is not something that doesn’t happen.