FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

This is a really mean post. My DH drives and I don't. He was supported to learn by his parents when he was a teenager. I didn't get any support (was actually discouraged by my parents who didn't think it was necessary at 18), lived in a big city and cycled into my 30s. When I was finally financially able to afford them I took lessons. I had a bad first teacher, and even worse second one, and have no confidence at all. Driving is not for everyone. We live pretty rurally and I rely on buses and try to keep as much independence as I can. It's not a man/woman thing, it's very much an individual decision.

Agreed. I have a friend who just won't motorway drive. I can't say I love it but you just have to get on with things sometimes.
My night vision is poor though so I don't drive at night by choice. I live in a very rural area with narrow windy roads.

I've never wanted to drive. No desire whatsoever.

I have severe anxiety, but thanks for labelling me as weedy. As if there wasn't enough stigma around mental health. By the way, my not driving doesn't impact on anyone else's life and I manage just fine. Maybe stop feeling so angry about things that have no impact on your life?

When I was a teenager my partner was a wanker who used the car as a way to control and threaten me, just a couple of examples: he would start arguments while he was driving and then speed down lanes to shut me up or tell me often how he wanted someone to hit the passenger side door so that he could claim ton he insurance for damage he'd caused previously, fun times!
I did learn to drive but oddly have never felt comfortable in the road with other drivers, never knowing if they were like my ex, so I don't drive because I don't feel safe.
Not apologising to someone who's obviously had an empathy bypass though!

I didn’t learn to drive until I was 24 and already had a child, It changed my life and the way I perceive my own abilities, I was a different person from who I was before I passed my test. At first I was quite a nervous driver and as quite limited in where I drove but now I drive 4x4s off road for my job and can drive to sites all over the county

I live in a very deprived rural area and know a lot of women who can’t drive, from my own experience and my (limited)knowledge of others I believe that being unable to drive in rural areas like mine contributes to poor mental health, I honestly believe there should be some financial help for disadvantaged people to learn to drive in areas without good public transport options.

There could be a hundred reasons why someone can't or won't drive, it can't simply be generalised as "weedy", lazy, selfish, or a symptom of the patriarchy. I was a driving instructor for a couple of years, and some people just genuinely cannot master the hand/eye/foot coordination and don't take to it; or they are excellent drivers but absolutely fall to pieces and make mistakes under examination. It's also super bloody expensive, not everyone can afford that sort of money.

That said, I don't know very many people that can't drive. We've just had 2 new joiners at work who "don't" drive - I'm curious but haven't asked why (although my boss declared it weird). They don't need to drive for the role, our offices are accessible via public transport, i.e it's none of my business.

Oh do fuck off. You are highly unpleasant with your weedy comment. I don't drive (but am learning, though can't have weekly lessons due to the cost) and have tried to learn previously over a number of years, but really struggled with very high anxiety around driving, to the extent that some instructors have stopped lessons saying that there was nothing more they could teach me, as I was able to drive but unable to overcome the nerves.

Apparently that makes me weedy. Nice.

Do you have someone else to drive you?

Growing up in the UK I don’t know anyone who can’t.

I have friends who have learned to drive,passed their test and decided that driving isn't for them,they're the only people I've heard say that they 'don't' drive.

Although one says "I won't drive".

A 44 year old male friend has been learning since he was 17. But as he’s never taken it seriously, he still hasn’t passed. Yes, it’s pathetic. And has been a dealbreaker in several relationships for
him. His use of public transport is huge, and he’s missed so many things as a result of delays and cancellations.

I think op woke up on the wrong side of the car this morning

I live in major city and while middle aged people drive I notice not many in their 20s do including my DC. I think they are more concerned with the environment plus public transport is good.

Your post is goady and you're being a dick. I'd rather not drive (I'm not explaining myself to you) than be a judgemental arsehole when it's no concern of yours.

I don't drive , I would be a terrible unsafe driver there are plenty of people that drive that really shouldn't , but then I don't expect lifts from people so I'd only be annoyed at a non driver if they were expecting lifts/taking advantage of people that do.

This topic comes up fairly regularly. OP was pretty ranty, but I recognize the situation. I grew up in a family where women only drove if there wasn't a man available. So, my mum would drive us to after school things, but at weekends my Dad would do all the driving. To sit in the passenger seat would have been shameful for him. The generation above my parents EVERY one of the relatives, the man drove, and the woman didn't. Even if the woman had a license, she would never drive if there was a penis wearer around - even her own son. Driving is a manly thing, involving engineering, intelligence and quick reflexes. Women cannot be trusted to do it unless they have to and even then, we all know what women drivers are like.

Just look at how racing as a sport is financed, and how hard it is for women to get sponsorship if you think this isn't a "thing".

OP isn't ranting about women who can't drive because of health/wealth/situation, but against women who have been socialized into believing that it's too big and scary for them. Although, perhaps the people to be angry at would the dickheads who make driving out to be an act of aggressive testosterone-fuelled manliness.

I grew up quite rurally, everyone learned to drive or we’d have just been stuck. It also never occurred to me not to then drive on a dual carriageway/motorway/city centre - I just got on with it.

However I now know a number of people, always women who will only drive locally, or won’t drive on a motorway, or won’t drive a route they don’t know - it’s not something ever heard a man say, I don’t know why this seems to be a female trait.

I'm poor and disabled.

I'll add weedy onto that list as well now I guess.

I can drive.
(Used to drive in my job actually.)
But now I don’t drive.
For personal medical reasons.

Why is this difficult to understand?

I find it worse that PEOPLE are persuaded they should drive when they're a fucking menace on the road.

I agree. We didn't have a car in the family when I was growing up. I had to take a bus from a young age. Nobody was taxiing me to my clubs. Shopping was picked up daily on the way from school/work.
My partner grew up in a village and took a bus to school. He cycled to work later as a teenager and young adult.
When I was 35, I studied in a neighbouring town. It took me an hour to cycle there.Our kid walks to school for 45 minutes. It's a great exercise.
I only learned when I was 38 because I fancied it, not because I desperately needed it.
It's fine not to want to drive and has nothing to do with being a man/woman.

Some people can't drive because of severe anxiety and genuine fear of being on the road in charge of a vehicle...would you really want them on the road? Would they make good drivers?

I can drive, but I rarely do so, @nextdoorconundrum. I have long covid so I don’t go out much - pretty much never on my own - and dh much prefers driving to being driven, and I am easy either way - so he drives.

My husband drives. I’ve never felt comfortable in a car though, frequently have fears about crashing etc. but that’s more on long journeys. I take the bus or walk when I can