FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

Agree with all of this.

It's an essential life skill. Men know this.

Being a non driver limits your possibilities of relocation for a job or simply buying a house away from public transport.

My own DM had to learn to drive in her 60s after DF died. I've seen close up how hard it was for her and how hard her life was until she learned - you can't do a weekly shop and carry it all home on the bus. And she was injured when a friend she relied on for lifts was involved in an accident.

It's particularly embarrassing when you consider that cars cause hugely harmful pollution and are a major contributor to climate change. It's hardly the most worthy of activities.

(And that's when we ignore the fact they also cause vast numbers of accidents every year)

(Yes, I do drive now, because I am disabled, but as little as possible and I have a very small car and never mind giving someone a lift as their carbon footprint is probably far smaller than mine)

I'm not trying to justify not being able to drive. Why would I need to justify it? There's no law saying I have to do it.

You don't seem to understand that other people have different priorities than you. Why are you bothered if people can drive or not?

I'm not dependent on family and friends to give me lifts either.

No it isn't.

It's not an essential life skill though. I manage without it. If it was "essential" I wouldn't be able to live without it.

Non Drivers always get ferried about despite claims otherwise.

Wrong, because I don't.

‘It’s part of being an independent adult’

It really is not. My kids are at university and can drive. But driving is at the bottom of my list of things that truly define them as a mature and responsible adult.

@Beezknees It absolutely IS part of being an independent adult! I'll never forget that feeling when I passed. People over use the expression "it changed my life" but it absolutely does, in every possible way. The feeling of independence is amazing

I feel pretty independent already!

I passed my test aged 26 after many attempts and years of lessons on and off. I’m very glad I did. Meant I was able to join a choir which met on a weekday night without having to catch a late bus home afterwards, where I met my now husband of 34 years. It was also a boon when my mum became frail and needed more support to live at home. Meant I could get to her quickly and easily in the event of an emergency. Also when she had to go into a care home we could choose one without having to take into account accessibility by public transport.

It means you can go where you want, when you want, not reliant on anyone else or public transport. Even just being able to take rubbish to the tip, dog to the vet, holidays, hospitals. Out of hours. Big shop. IKEA. Sunday lunch in the country, children to clubs and activities, being able to travel for work, go to the beach, so many things just for starters

I haven't been in a car other than DHs, my Mum's (who insists on picking us up from the station, and also likes me to do her groceries when I'm there) or a taxi, for donkeys years.

And presumably if I was keen on going to the arse end of nowhere, I'd have some desire to drive. But I don't.

That's great, but I'm completely fine and happy with doing all of that on public transport.

So you are ferried by your DH and your mum then, @Snarpy ?

I can’t drive. My DH can, and while I wish I had learned in my teens circumstances meant that it wasn’t a priority. I have a sensory issue that means I don’t automatically know left from right which prevents me from being able to react quickly. I think I’d be a liability on the road so I make the choice to stay off them. Fear of causing an accident is quite disabling.

How can you go to the tip on public transport?

*except with very small things

We know. Why do you keep repeating “a stranger on the internet” like a mantra?

In very simple terms - people respond according to how they’re addressed. If “a stranger on the internet” behaves like a goading, ignorant and abusive arsewipe, then yes, people will take it personally, no matter how hard some try to shrug their shoulders and say “But isn’t it just a discussion?”

I pay a man with a van to take stuff to the tip for me. As a single woman I'd need help carrying and dismantling big items anyway!

Although I RARELY need to do that as I don't keep a lot of stuff. I sell on most furniture on Facebook if I ever get something new.

I am a driving instructor and have students coming out of my ears so not sure that’d be the case at the moment.

We’re fairly rural here with awful public transport, so I think it’s vital women have the opportunity to drive. I think there’s still a hangover of that culture where men drive more than women, that it’s their thing. I get an instant respect from men when I say what I do, because they just don’t expect women to know their stuff driving wise. I’m a terribly stubborn bugger who would never have fit into the gender stereotype re driving, personally I find it relaxing and enjoyable.

Even friends of mine with licences limit where they will drive, avoiding larger roundabouts, motorways and night driving, preferring their partners to do that.

I’d like to help people with driving anxiety but I wonder if people are just happy to be driven, even though it’s limiting?

It would be easier to "negotiate" if you could drive.

My mother didn't want me to learn to drive, many moons ago, but I was determined to. I literally earned a fiver from my Saturday job and handed it over to the driving instructor on the following Friday. Test was paid for out of holiday earnings. I passed before I turned 17. I am forever glad I did. It's so much easier to learn when you're young and invincible!

I didn't drive for years - no access to a car, away at uni, living in London. I moved away and got a job where I was required to drive, so I took refresher lessons. I literally could not have coped without being able to drive when my children were younger, as I did most of the drop offs and pickups and taking them to swimming, piano, ballet, Guides, Scouts, yada yada yada. Husband drives too, learned later than I did, in his 20s, but always managed to work further from home than me!

My sister doesn't drive and has always struggled. Both her DC have now passed their tests. Two of mine did but the middle one hasn't. Says they are always going to live in big cities and I'm sorry that they didn't learn at least. We would have paid for lessons; we did for the other two, but I don't believe in buying them cars!

Instructor here, many people have an issue with left and right, you are not alone, it doesn’t cause accidents. We just put it as ‘my side’, ‘your side’ or stickers can be added. If that’s the issue please don’t be put off, us instructors have to find solutions to anxiety and it’s permutations.

I have a left and right issue, the only reason I can tell them apart is that my wedding ring and watch are on my left hand.

What about people who have car in the household but struggle with learning to drive?
You can have partner who’s learned to drive in his 17s (and therefore a car in the household) and still struggle to learn for various reasons in your 30s, 40s etc.