FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

Love this!
I never understand why girls/women don't drive.
The truth is (and I'm ready to be argued with!) having a penis makes you a WORSE driver than those of us without one.
I'm 20 and I've been driving my ancient VW Polo for 3 years, never had an accident (OK I know I'm tempting luck by saying that) and I KNOW I'm a better driver than any of my exes.

The only people I know who don't drive but HAVE A CAR IN THE HOUSEHOLD are men. Several of them, in fact.

DH learned to drive while I was pregnant as we needed him to be able to drive me to the hospital when the baby came.

In the 10 years since we've never really had the money available for me to have lessons (plus I don't really want to!).

I just don't and don't want to. I always lived in cities and still live near big city. All my food shops are 10 min away, I catch a bus or yeah..............................bang! MY HUSBAND DRIVES ME OR BETTER EVEN SO: HE DOES THE SHOPPING.

yes, I have a man who has a healthy penis, drives me, does food shopping, cooking and cleaning. All of that. Plus pays all the bills. So

Agree. My reason is because I was in a bad car accident as a child. Happy to get public transport ( actually enjoy public transport, as a writer) so don’t rely on others. Dreadful to judge.

Disagree. I'm 36 and don't drive. It's never put any limitations on my life. I walk to most places so I feel I'm fitter for it and I'm more than capable of getting a bus, train or taxi. I have also always ensured I live in central location. Also, swimming is a life saving skill. Driving is not, in fact you could argue that it is a danger.

I only learnt to drive in my 30s, my DH passed his test in his home country as a teen, I grew up in a city during my teen years so never had a need to drive.
We moved to the country several years ago but I only passed my test 3 years ago. Due to living in the middle of nowhere I had to learn, public transport is awful and I couldn’t keep relying on others.
Our finances were awful for a quite a few years which also delayed me getting a licence, lessons are over £40 an hour so it was a huge financial commitment, if we had stayed in the city I doubt I’d ever have learnt.
I find driving incredibly stressful, I avoid motorways and even certain A roads as it just triggers a panic attack for me so my DH has to be the driver for those trips. Driving isn’t for everyone and some have no interest in it.

@Sleepersausage

How are people so passive in their own life

But it’s not being passive in your own life if you don’t need to do it.

Driving is of literally no value to me whatsoever at the moment. I live in London where no one drives. Keeping a car would be be a huge, pointless expensive white elephant.

I have a good, highly paid job, I own two properties. I am raised a child on my own with no financial support. I have lived overseas. I am not passive because I don’t want to learn to do something I don’t need to do.

You do know that people are allowed to make CHOICES don't you? I mean I drive, but who gives 2 shiny fucks about whether Jane next door drives or let's her husband. How the fuck is that ever going to affect my day? Weird post.

@Bellsandthistle we are one of those households- my H passed his test at 50 - and 10 years later I still haven't bothered- a biggie for me is we have a big Volvo XC60 and he wouldn't compromise on this and we can't afford 2 cars and not sure I would feel confident enough with the Volvo - I also was going to learn again ( learnt in the past) and then developed long covid and prolapsed disc in neck - so really didn't feel up to it physically or mentally at 63 - we get by fine without me driving- live close enough to town to get a quick cab if I need one and have a bus every 8 minutes at end of road. As others have said it's combination of factors these days, expense ( can't afford 2 cars even if I pass) , health and not really needing one-

Brilliant. Same. I’ve always made sure I live in transport links.

I failed my driving test 9 times In an automatic. I'm clearly not meant to be on the road.

I don't think women are persuaded of any such thing. Or that they don't drive in order to defer to their husbands. Learning to drive is expensive, quite stressful for a lot of people, and some people just don't want to do it. Why should they? Besides, it's not just women. I've definitely read quite a lot of posts on here mentioning men who can't drive. The reason it's fewer men than women is probably that driving and owning a car is seen as a badge of masculinity among men. People (except you, it seems) don't temd to shame women so much for it. I drive, but I don't like it really.

My transport choices are none of your business YABVVVFU.

We have a car.

DH drives, I don't.

I tried it when I was 20, didn't pass test and then lived within a 10 minute walk of my place of work so dropped lessons.

Had another go at learning in my 30's but found I have zero road sense and Hated driving so much.

My place of work was moved 30 miles away - but 5 mins walk from train station at each end, so commute by train made more sense.

Then I got married but stayed in the city centre. DH didn't gave a car then as his place of work was near home too so walkable.

Then we retired and bought house outside the city centre so he got a car that is basically used to go to the supermarket or visit family/friends.

So I still don't have any need to drive. If We didn't have the car I'd get shopping delivered and I'd be a bus and train user (which I far prefer anyway).

That OK with you? (Not that I give a shit really)

I struggled to learn to drive. It took me two years of lessons and I failed my test 3 times. Someone I know told me that I obviously wasn't up to it and to give up. Eventually I passed on the 4th go but the examiner told me that it was very close and I'd scraped the pass. After I passed, I still kind of felt like I didn't know what I was doing and carried an internal belief that actually, I'm an inherently bad driver and someone will probably get hurt if I'm on the road.

Two months later, I moved abroad to a city with excellent public transport so I didn't need to drive. The years went past and with each year of not driving, my already low driving confidence got lower and lower. Then I was a passenger in a car when we crashed, and will never forget the sudden, unexpected impact. Confidence down again.

I started having to drive again 10 years after i passed my test and would be in tears as I drove, my biceps would ache from gripping the wheel and I couldn't even sit properly on the seat as my always poised to break.

I've been doing the same short trips for 5 years (work, the grocery shop and train station) and while im not on the verge of having a panic attack each time, i still get spooked very easily. At one point, the thought of being back behind the wheel was terrifying, so I feel like I've made some progress.

If I see a diversion sign I completely panic. If I have to edge into a line of traffic or change lanes, I feel like I have almost zero understanding of space and have a very limited understand of time/distance. I find it incredibly difficult to know when to go at a roundabout and if someone keeps at me for anything, I feel absolutely devastated and it's like confirmation that I shouldn't be driving. The level of panic I feel when I drive outside of my safe routes is not only terrifying but also absolutely humiliating. I've had strangers park my car because something happens and I panic so much I literally can't think.

I always worry that I will kill someone and not only will it be my fault, but the added shame of having done so while knowing it was 'likely', would be insufferable to endure.

I've tried CBT. I don't live somewhere where there is Passplus as I'm abroad. It's a terrifying phobia and I do my absolute best to push myself and overcome things without ending up a crying, shaking mess.

My husband does most of the driving. It makes me so sad.

I hope this perspective is insightful for you OP so you can have an idea of why someone who has a car won't drive. Terror.

What is so difficult to understand about it?

I always roll my eyes when people say they "don't understand" that people want different things from life. It's not a great scientific puzzle. In fact it's quite easy to understand.

I learnt to drive at 17, my husband learnt in his 30's 🤷‍♀️ 90% of people I know drive, men and women equally. Maybe it depends where you live but in rural areas with poor transport links most people learn to drive at 17. Although if we go out as a family now I get my husband to drive to make up the years I had to drive us every where 😂

CF I know doesn't drive - can, but chooses not to. Always relies on lifts from people and never makes her own travel arrangements in advance. Is not averse to putting you on the spot to give her a lift home from an activity we go to. I refused as it was late, out of my way, would add at least 20 minutes to my journey home and I had work the next day. She was most put out.

I’m currently learning to drive, dh doesn’t drive and we live rurally. Do you know how bloody expensive it is to learn to drive?!!
it’s pushing our finances beyond the limit but it’s necessary due to our location, once I’ve passed my test dh will eventually learn to drive too.

I don’t get why you’re so angry? We’re in a cost of living crisis, everyone is feeling the pinch in at least some way. Are you offering to pay for every woman’s driving lessons, theory test, practical test, a car, tax, insurance, m.o.t and any vehicle repairs needed?

I don’t drive because I live in London. I cycle everywhere and sometimes use public transportation. I also don’t like driving. If, like me, you grew up stuck (and nearly dying) on the freeways of Southern California, taunted by the unreachable beautiful weather outside your passenger window, you too would hate driving. I left at 18 to live in Europe where I fell in love with good public transportation and bikes, among other things.

I’m a single mum now. When I was married (to a driver), I never asked for lifts. I did all the school runs and still do, by bike.
I adore the freedom of a bike all year round. I will cycle on the iciest road on the coldest of days. Fortunately, icy roads aren’t too big a London problem. I love it. it keeps me fit and costs nothing. My dad, as a child, would cross country ski to school in winter. I’d like to think I have some of that DNA. 😁

All that said, I have no issue with drivers and do miss a heated seat in winter!

Agreed. Accomplished many things / bringing up children alone and getting a Masters in my 50s. Happy to get the bus or train or Uber if late.

Someone I work with holds a driving licence, partner has a car, but she refuses to drive. It really annoys me because she complains about having to get the bus to work... she could easily borrow her partner's car as he has a work van, or she could buy herself a car as I know how much she earns and she has told me she has £1000 left every month as she gets her partner to pay for everything. It also annoys me as she is late every week but she's one of my superiors and I cannot enter our office without her! She lives in the arse end of nowhere too, I really don't understand.

I have no sense of direction. Sorry.

I drive, as does DH

If I ever find myself single, I would never consider a relationship with someone who doesn't drive

I just find it really unattractive when a man can't 🤷🏽‍♀️

I have one dear friend who cannot drive due to medical reasons and I'd drive to the ends of the earth for her, but in general, I find it weird when people don't want to learn

It's not exactly difficult