FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

Because it was a deliberately aggressive, provocative approach, specifically targeted at a narrowly defined group of people which happens to include me! Women in my position, who can’t drive but whose husband can, have been told on this thread that we’re “weedy”, “pathetic”, “wilfully determined to evade any effort to be a competent adult”, “not the sort of person I’d want to be friends with”. Sorry if it stings a bit!

I don’t really understand why anyone cares and quite passionately too it would seem.

Is it because people are asking you for lifts? If so just say no.

I don’t drive but we make it work just fine. Kids school / nursery are in walking distance. There is a train station close by.

Yes, I rely on my husband for lifts sometimes but he relies on me to do other stuff he’s not good at or doesn’t enjoy. Isn’t that what a marriage or partnership should be?

She rightly gave up driving when she was in her 80s as most elderly drivers should do. Up to then, she was self sufficient in nearly all ways. Do you really want 85/90 year olds on the roads driving themselves?? I don't. Just got to be grateful that she learned to drive when she was young, in the 1940s/50s, as she always wanted to be independent and not reliant upon anyone. That's why she also had a career rather than relying on a man and she went back to work once she had children in the 50s and 60s which was pretty rare back then. It's her influence that has made me an independent woman, again, not reliant on anyone, running my own business, etc. By the time you get to your mid 80s I think you're fine to need to rely on other people occasionally, especially where safety comes into it. I'm just grateful I didn't have to ferry her around as a personal chauffer in her 60s and 70s, unlike what we have to do for MIL who chose not to bother learning and was utterly reliant on her husband for everything until he died early and then passed her neediness onto her son to do it all for her.

rightly.

You have very, very strong views on everything. My FIL is in his 80s and much more capable of driving than many in their 30s are. He still works, through choice, and is still very mentally sharp.

Again, not all people are the same and so not everyone fits into your little boxes you've made for them.

The climate emergency not a pressing issue for you then? You don’t feel we all bear some responsibility for addressing it?

My mother made her own choice thank you! It was RIGHT for her to give up driving when she did.

rightly gave up driving when she was in her 80s as most elderly drivers should do

Do you really want 85/90 year olds on the roads driving themselves

Those are your own words. Are you saying you don't actually think this?

Different people have different abilities in old age. Yes, "most" of them probably shouldn't still be driving in their 80s and 90s as their reaction times, eyesight, etc will be impaired, plus increased risk of medical episodes. Obviously, some will be more than capable of driving if they have all their faculties and healthy into the 90s and I'm sure a tiny minority will still be capable at 100 or more! Just as obviously, some should give up in their 60s and 70s if their health and capacity fails at such an earlier age. There's clearly no single age where it's a cut off. It's a range of ages according to the person. But it's obvious that fewer people will be capable of driving the older they get. Some will, many won't. There's a reason why DVLA do reviews etc at 70 and every 3 years thereafter and need a doctor's confirmation of your fitness to continue driving!

I looked at it differently - I would not put myself in a position where I can't live somewhere just because I can't drive!

I can't drive, but my DP can. I've had lessons, but due to the cost, I haven't been able to carry on. He's not a taxi service as I get myself and the kids to places we need to get to.

Even if I drove (I used to), living in a remote village where you need to drive just to get a pint of milk would never appeal to me. Even if I had a 24 hour chauffeur at my disposal I wouldn’t live somewhere rural or without amenities or a close by train station.

I don't drive, DH does.

I was saving up to learn, but the money went towards a house deposit. After we bought a house - near a railway station, I used to get the train to work - I didn't have the spare money to learn to drive, especially as we then got married and started saving for maternity leave so we could have DS.

It would be handy if I could drive now, but we're managing on pretty much just my wage as DH was made redundant during Covid, is now technically self-employed and just trying to earn enough to cover his expenses while also caring for DS who's autistic. So not much in the way of spare cash (I am not a high earner) plus I'm peri-menopausal, sleep deprived, and taking meds for anxiety.

Well your medical reasons are the same as people’s anxiety reasons. I’m sure lots of people with crippling driving anxiety would like to not have that and be able to drive, just like you’d like to but can’t!

My mum is in her eighties and drives safely. Yet can’t cope with online banking. Everyone is different and has different strengths and weaknesses. Your way is not the only way. An important life lesson for you perhaps.

It's a stranger on the Internet though?

You don’t get to police how people feel!

I actually think the OP has a very small life where perhaps driving is her only noteworthy achievement. That’s the only reason I can think of for the anger and bitterness and frankly the misogyny of her posts.

Well sure, and I’m not upset by it because I’m happy with my own life and decisions! But you asked why people were taking it personally, and I explained that the whole thread has been filled with particularly unpleasant and unnecessary comments about people who for whatever reason don’t drive.

This sounds very much like me. Had a licence, had a car (well a couple in all), hated every single driving lesson. I was a nervous wreck driving. I just couldn’t get passed the nerves which then became panic attacks. Once the panic attacks kicked in it was the end for my driving. I felt sick looking out the window seeing my parked car. I sold it and decided that was the end of my driving. I’ve never regretted it and would never put myself back on the road just to please some strangers on the internet.

But what’s up with the drivers? Why are they giving such a big fat toss?

I agree! And they would 100% be pulling their faces if every single adult suddenly got a car and started driving…. Parking spaces/more traffic on the roads/their “worries” about the planet. So they can sod right off with their judgment of non drivers.

I understand why someone would be frustrated if a non driver is constantly asking them for lifts. But you absolutely cannot tar all of us non drivers with the same brush. I caught two buses to go to the play centre today and I take my 4 children to all of their hobbies here there and every where every week on public transport/in taxis. I am very self sufficient and have excellent planning skills for where I need to be. And if I need to go further afield I will go without the help of a car driver. Whether that’s a day out, a UK holiday, an appointment, etc…

I’m not sure why me getting on with my life without a car pisses so many drivers off? 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

I can drive by the way. I have my licence. I just choose not to.

1. public Transport is excellent in London
2. don’t fancy London rush hour traffic when it would be much quicker to go by tube
3. do you know how expensive congestion charge is?
4. insurance, parking, congestion charge and petrol are more expensive than using an Uber the few times I need a car
5. I don’t enjoy driving at all

I dont see how walking 15 minutes to the shop/ station somehow different to driving 15 minutes to the nearest town.

I liked living where I did, huge house, big garden, fresh air - it was great. I equally love living in London, for entirely different reasons. I like having more choices, not less.

@funinthesun19

I understand why someone would be frustrated if a non driver is constantly asking them for lifts.

That's the crux of it. I don't care whether people can drive or not, until it affects me. What I do care about are those who could have learned but couldn't be bothered and expected me/OH to chauffer them about at their convenience.

Like my MIL. Like my old workplace colleagues. There's only so much of being taken for a mug that you can take before you start having to say no. Then the emotional blackmail starts from family and the "you're not a team player" from work mates and employers.

If people genuinely can live their lives without driving themselves and without relying on others, then all credit to them, and crack on. That's not what people are complaining about in this thread.

Even now I have my own business, I still get people wanting to put upon me because they can't drive. Clients ask me to go and pick up their paperwork because they can't carry it themselves on their bike! Or they ask me to stay till 6pm when I close at 5pm because the bus can't get them here any sooner. Just no! Sort yourself out!

I think as well if the DH drives and wife doesn’t (or vise versa), that is between them if that situation works for them or not. Not for others to judge. Maybe the DH likes driving and doesn’t mind because the wife does more house work etc, swings and roundabouts.

I was a non driver until my mid 20’s but would try and get public transport or walk rather than always rely on friends to pick me up. Sometimes I asked for lifts but would always offer Petrol money.

I commented before about friends taking advantage, but it is people who expect lifts and don’t offer any petrol money that annoy me. I had a friend who constantly asked for lifts or didn’t ever want to get a bus or train to me so I always drove to her. She would constantly suggest going to places an hour or so away and then say “but you drive and get me first of course” she never offered Petrol money (I wouldn’t of accepted but that’s beside the point) or a thanks for being picked up. That’s the sort of people in OP’s post that I do agree with are frustrating. Every time her boyfriend or I suggested she learnt to drive she would say “but others pick me up so why would I bother doing lessons”

@Dreamcatchergirl

I commented before about friends taking advantage, but it is people who expect lifts and don’t offer any petrol money that annoy me. I had a friend who constantly asked for lifts or didn’t ever want to get a bus or train to me so I always drove to her. She would constantly suggest going to places an hour or so away and then say “but you drive and get me first of course” she never offered Petrol money (I wouldn’t of accepted but that’s beside the point) or a thanks for being picked up. That’s the sort of people in OP’s post that I do agree with are frustrating. Every time her boyfriend or I suggested she learnt to drive she would say “but others pick me up so why would I bother doing lessons”

Nail on the head there. That's exactly what people on here are complaining about. That kind of "entitled" attitude of people expecting others to accommodate them.