FFS why don't you drive ??

[nextdoorconundrum]

So annoying to read threads on here that start with .. I don't drive .. my dp/DH does ..

Why why this is even a thing ? Does benefit of penis somehow render them more able to? Does their testosterone somehow benefit their abilities.. or is it simply something men regard as an essential in life ?

Before you all pile on .. yes there are certain disabilities that count you out . Severely visually impaired.. uncontrolled epilepsy.. but when one of my best mates who has spina bifida managed it with a hand controlled car via motability.. I think perhaps it's just not trying hard enough and happy for the man to do the driving .. even my autistic step son (severe - (special school until 21) got his license..

There is only one reason I can think not to bother - and that is because you are city dwellers with excellent public transportation .. but the rest of you .. why ? It just seems so 'weedy' .

What's it got to do with you
Your friend who has an adapted motability car is not representative of all people with disabilities.
FYI i could have an adapted motability car as I have CP... as part of that I have a visual field defect and perception difficulties.. which rules me out
It's also very expensive to keep a car on the road even if you have a licence
If this is all you can find you wind you right up, then you're very lucky

@Sharptonguedwoman No it is not a life skill like learning to swim. You're not going to die if you can't drive, there is a chance you could die if you can't swim.

I don't think it's fair for people to make others feel like shit because they choose not to drive, or can't for various reasons. I feel pretty shitty that my brain doesn't work well enough after a head injury and post concussion syndrome then injury from a psychotropic medication a decade ago, and it's affected how much I can work etc. If i could choose not to work, i wouldn't. But necessity means I'll need to get a job in September when my youngest daughter goes to school. I feel so awful and incompetent at times and often I get the impression that most people expect others to work regardless.

I'm not sure it's the best comparison but I understand why it would seem hurtful if you were expected to drive in spite of genuine reasons not to. It's harder for some people.

The woman next door can't drive - I do think she's pathetic - waiting on her husband for everything.
Apart from being a racist thicko and overweight there's nothing wrong with her. She took lessons on and off, obviously couldn't work out what to do.

Why does it bother you so much? How does it impact you? What has made you so angry and bitter?

My husband does most of the driving. I can drive and I do drive, however I'm a pretty nervous driver. I actually feel pretty confident in my own ability to drive, bit it's other drivers who make me anxious - many drive erratically and carelessly and I often have young kids in the car with me. Many other drivers seem pretty angry, aggressive and intolerant (sound familiar?), and it really dents my confidence. I'm working on it, I'm getting out and about and I'm making progress. But everyone is different - it's great that you're a confident driver and you enjoy it, good for you - but I don't see why you have to tear other women down, call them nasty names and make them feel horrible, just so that you can feel good about yourself - what's feminist about that?

I’ve had over 20 lessons. I’m terrible. I’ve been in 4 car accidents (as a passenger) one serious. I’m a very nervous driver. I want to drive and yes I am pathetic and weedy as you say but it does not come easy to me.

Same here @bakewellbride ! I have had hypnotherapy for driving anxiety and can manage local drives, but it is still incredibly stressful to me. This op is what I always worry others are thinking!

Unless you don't want to.

I drive. DH doesn't, he never learned. We both grew up in London and it wasn't a high priority for either of us, but I went to uni and did lessons while I lived in a place with crap public transport.

Im just too anxious to drive, had lessons off/on for years but I’m just far too scared

Yep, this irritates me. "I live rurally with no bus links and no taxi service nearby" . They must feel like a hostage! Take the damn reins in life woman!

My parents couldn’t afford it. I couldn’t on an apprentice wage. Then childcare work is pants. I then prioritised fun and holidays than saving up. I had a ball and didn’t regret it. Then it was saving for a house… Then covid. and COL.

Basically it’s not that important to me as i’ve never prioritised it. It would mean forgoing other thing. I managed fine on public transport, my partner has a car but we still use public transport frequently so he can have a drink when out and about or for ease over parking.

Edited to add a close friend drives but her husband doesn’t so it works both ways. There are some very judgy/angry people on this thread that can’t see that others have different priorities and experiences in life.

Local schools have Sixth forms, or Years 11 and 12 these days, and they are most definitely schools, they even sometimes have the word in their name!

So why the hell would you want someone like that on the road?

This is what I don't get. All this raging , promoting even more dangerous /reckless/incapable / scared drivers on the road.

Why? How does that benefit anyone?

No you're not those things. Op is not a very nice person and purposely being goady I think.

Of course it affects me. Meeting non driving friends in places they can get to, for a start.

I think it’s terrible that there are some posters on here trying to belittle people for not driving. It’s no more acceptable than body shaming. It’s really quite nasty and spiteful and not a good reflection on those posters. Whether I drove or not (used to but not for years) I couldn’t imagine being so nasty about it.

Those comments come from drivers as well. Just how they keep calling women pathetic, weedy, not a full adult bla bla bla.

No double standards here. Drivers don't discriminate in their dickishness.

Very many reasons, particular to each woman. You sound unkind and overpriviliged.

I don't really get why that's a big deal. I'm happy to meet my friends anywhere, I'm there for them not the location.

Many years ago while parking, I managed to completely remove the bumper off my neighbour’s car!

What an offensive post by the OP. Lots of reasons why people don't drive. Not everyone wants to share why. How dare you judge people so harshly OP? If only we were all as perfect as you!

I drive plenty without him so it’s not like I need to keep my skills up. I just got fed up with the constant instruction and the “I wouldn’t have gone this way”

well you’re not fucking driving, I am!

so if we’re going out for the evening he drives and I don’t have to stay sober. Long drive up North? He gets knackered driving for 6 hours. Sucks doesn’t it? 🤣

I do tend to think not being able to drive and refusing to learn is refusing to become an adult, unless you are epileptic or otherwise impaired. It didn't happen easily for me @Julianne65 . I had lessons for two years (way more than 20, and 2 hours at a time) but I passed my test after a two hour drive through London with a sleeping passenger. I had to make independent decisions and I could.

So I bet this will be controversial then.
I hate driving! I have no sense of direction and I only drive to places I know.
I have never been on the motorway. I go probably in a 6 mile radius. I freak out at the thought of going anywhere.
That said I am great at reversing and when I know the road I’m confident. My friends know this. they take the piss but they understand that I can’t help it. It’s like my heart and lungs are being squeezed.
when they are in a car with me they say that they can’t understand why I’m like it that there is nothing wrong with my driving. But I point out that’s because I’m in my driving comfort zone.
I have never been in an accident either before anyone says I’m a danger.
Also I only drive my own car .But yes my husband drives me mostly .