What would you do if someone offered to wave a magic wand, and you didn’t have children anymore?

[Geriatricmillenial]

I love my children and they do bring joy, but I get this thought in my head sometimes.

The conditions of the spell would have to be that I had no knowledge of my children whatsoever, I would just go back in time to before they were born and make dramatically different choices.

I get the impression a lot of the other mums I know don’t really feel this way, so is it just me?

My children make my life so much better. I do lose the freedom to do certain things but I am so happy that I have them.

I'd be TTC asap.

For all the difficulties there's been I've never wanted a life without children, before having them or after.

If anything I'd go back & have more instead of the years I focused on a career (didn't get me anywhere).

It would absolutely break my heart to even think of a possibility like that. When I think back to my pre-DC life, I feel as if I was just waiting for them to arrive, and that I already missed them, I just didn’t know it.

My only wish would be that I’d had them even earlier so that we got to spend more years of our lives together. Yes, it can be hard work and sometimes they drive me mad - but they are still my favourite people in the whole world, followed by my DH.

I’m only 7 months in so answer atm is no. That may well change.

That’s the spirit!

Hmm no, not now but he's 12 and currently at a very easy stage.
If you had asked this when he was younger I might have thought differently ( and ask me again when he's a teen!! 🤩)

Not for a second. My DD is the best part of my world, I would have loved more DC.

Also my parents would be in a right mess without me.

Not a chance! I wouldn’t be without them for the world. In fact if I could wave the magic wand I would get rid of their dad so I didn’t have to share them 50:50 and would have them 100% of the time

no, i absolutely love my children - as hard work as it can be, brings me a true happiness to my life. They are my world, but I am very capable of just being me too and sometimes"selfish"

i have a good balance - and need them as much as they need me....until they are older im sure!

I wonder what brings about these differences in feeling, hearing so many of you speak so passionately about having children? Is being ‘more maternal’ what it comes down to? I can’t remember how I scored on that scale pre-kids. Certainty I scored low on ‘properly thinking about whether this is what I want or just what is expected’

What a horrible thought - just can't imagine my life without my children. They have been so incredibly life enhancing.

It's hard to imagine it as other than a loss, though, once you've had them. I couldn't imagine my life without my children, as I've revolved around them for 15 years. That said, if I hadn't had children I'm sure I'd have had as fulfilling and interesting a life!

No i wouldn't.
Being a mum is so tough sometimes but it's brought out such a strength in me that I never knew I had before.
I get so much joy from watching him grow & be happy.

This is a good way of looking at it!! And my decision would be hell no im not having any. I love the absolute bones of mine I'd quite literally die for them, but the emotional and physical struggles of children has been really tough for me and life hasn't panned out as I thought it would. Mine are still young so I'm hopeful I'll feel more content as they get older.

No, I can’t think of anything sadder. My children along with DH are the loves of my life.

Not for a second she is only 9 weeks old and asleep on my chest I'm absolutely exhausted and never imagined it would be as hard as it has been but the thought of not having her sends sheer panic through me .

Yes! My irreversible decision was the opposite of the original poster and I so value these kinds of conversations. I’m so grateful for the women who have the courage to share takes on motherhood that aren’t the dominant narrative. At the same time I’m delighted at how many mothers are emphatically saying no way would they choose differently.

Also, the title of the thread makes it completely clear what it’s all about.

Everything and every thread will be insensitive to someone somewhere. Rather than make others shut up where you (general 'you') have not been specifically invited, it's always sensible to ignore/block/delete what bothers you as long as it's not been brought to your doorstep or your home.

A public forum is like a public street; best to walk past offending threads.

It's tempting to think you'd spend all day every day chilling watching Netflix and shopping and having a lovely time, but would you really be doing that or would you actually be forcing yourself to have sex every day when neither of you really wants to because it's become a chore, pissing on sticks for half the month, or crying after a couple of glasses of wine about how much you want kids? That's the reality of what I did before I got pregnant. Yes there was fun too, but I wanted children and I was lonely without them.

Yes,I'd need a peep into the future to convince me that it would not be a good idea.

Similar here, I don’t have the tools to teach her anything about being a normal person. She’s lucky she’s very bright but both her parents are socially awkward. Both had fucked up childhoods. We are both shit at making friends (like literally no-one wants to be my friend lol). I feel guilty about that a lot. I struggle with the fact that she is the centre of my existence. I have to constantly second guess my instincts because they are all wrong. The burden is making me age rapidly. I am often tired and feel utterly inadequate and overwhelmed. There was a small study on parental regret and it’s was correlated with the number of ACE’s someone had. I think some of us don’t have a blueprint for being a loving parent. I don’t do physical contact very well but I know I would die for her. It’s shit, I love her but struggle to express that love.

The pain also of anything happening to her. I think I like not feeling for anyone too deeply, not caring too much because it’s always been risky for me to be too attached. Your child though, that’s something that will grind you down to the bone and leave you utterly exposed. For some people theres joy in that kind of love for others it’s burden.

it leaves a sour taste in the mouth to read this thread is all.

It would so much better to stop reading it then. Those who're participating in it aren't evil for doing so. Different tastes is all.

I did feel that way for a while during my son’s first year when I was (though I didn’t realise it at the time) absolutely on my knees with PND and PPA. I loved him more than anything in the world but I was so lost to myself that I truly felt if I could go back in time and make a different choice I would.

I no longer feel that way. My life is better and more joyful in every respect because he is in it.

I wonder if you might still be experiencing depression following PND and an abusive childhood. It isn’t at all surprising that you have complex feelings on this when you don’t have a roadmap for a happy and fulfilled family. It is really hard to be a cycle breaker, and it takes a toll.

I hope you find a way forward to contentment and ease ♥️

They can be pains in the bum, but more often they are wonderful and my life would be missing something huge without them. No way I'd take this 'opportunity'.

I agree this seems like a more palatable hypothetical question. Many would feel too guilty/biased to admit the truth otherwise.