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Original poster

What would you do if someone offered to wave a magic wand, and you didn’t have children anymore?

348 replies

Geriatricmillenial · 15/08/2024 18:01

I love my children and they do bring joy, but I get this thought in my head sometimes.

The conditions of the spell would have to be that I had no knowledge of my children whatsoever, I would just go back in time to before they were born and make dramatically different choices.

I get the impression a lot of the other mums I know don’t really feel this way, so is it just me?

OP posts:
sleekcat · 15/08/2024 19:35

I would not make any different choices, I can't imagine a life without them. There are many things I haven't been able to do because of them, and experiences I have missed out on, but none of that would have made up for not having them. But if I'd never had them or known about them, I think life might be duller. All the little funny and special moments would be missing, although I guess I wouldn't know that. I think I would have a lot more spare time but I'm not sure I'd want that much spare time - we always tend to think we want what we don't have. I would definitely be bored doing the things I liked doing when I was younger, before kids.

I'm getting to the point where my children are leaving home and I'm single. Actually I'm finding myself thinking about the things we used to do and thinking how nice it was, now that they don't actually need me much.

ShiftySquirrel · 15/08/2024 19:36

My DDs are utterly fabulous and I love them with every ounce of my being. I'm so proud of the people they are growing into and can't imagine life without them.

Even with the hardest teenage strop, GCSE meltdown and argument I wouldn't change anything at all. They're actually pretty good company mostly and less mischievous and less hard work than when they were toddlers!

Downtoyou · 15/08/2024 19:37

If I could wave a magic wand I would bring my son back

OlympicProcrastinator · 15/08/2024 19:37

Before children I had a family that didn’t really love me much. Neglected as a child. Left school with no qualifications.
As soon as I saw my first child I knew I wanted to be the best mum and role model I could be. I studied for a degree and a professional qualification and began a career I love but mainly did that to give them a good life. I have 4, and I have an amazing relationship with them all. We have wonderful times as a family and I love my husband for being their dad and raising them with me. Being a mum brought me the close, loving family I longed for. My life improved in so many ways and I feel love and am loved that I wouldn’t know without them.

Shove that wand!

Lilifer · 15/08/2024 19:37

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 15/08/2024 18:30

Now they are all adults, independent and lovely and take me out for dinner - nope absolutely not, wouldn't be without them.

Twenty years ago as a single mother with five kids between eight and fifteen, fuck yes, take 'em all.

So I'd say, the answer depends on the age and tractability of the children.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat I've 5 aged between 16 and 23, lone parent here too, I wouldn't change a thing but god it's tough at times and often I wish I could just get away on my own for a month somewhere with no responsibilities or the endless drudge of housework and being an emotional support animal as well as PA, taxi driver etc

Lovelylydia · 15/08/2024 19:38

Yes I would, not because I don’t love them but because I don’t feel I’m equipped to be a mother. I lost my own mother when I was young and have really struggled with parenting.

CeruleanDive · 15/08/2024 19:40

actualbabyshark · 15/08/2024 18:19

I understand what the OP is saying, about regret for children and I don’t want to thread police here but your child not existing is them being dead. It’s an unpleasant read tbh.

Don't be so ridiculous.

HappierTimesAhead · 15/08/2024 19:41

No, definitely not. But I would love a wand that could pause them for a couple of hours while I sleep/exercise/have a bath/drink a bottle of wine/clean the house/deal with bills/read a book 😂

BurbageBrook · 15/08/2024 19:42

Even just the thought of it really, really upsets me. I love her beyond measure and she enriches my whole life. So, no. I feel so sorry for anyone who feels this way, and the child of anyone who feels this way too.

carofrancelynch · 15/08/2024 19:42

Downtoyou · 15/08/2024 19:37

If I could wave a magic wand I would bring my son back

I am so sorry xx

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 15/08/2024 19:42

I started late, and currently have 2 teenagers. My friends are beginning to retire early... that's what it's do if I hadn't spent £80k on childcare, music lessons, se

lololulu · 15/08/2024 19:44

A lot of these answers are age related.

Jellybean85 · 15/08/2024 19:45

lololulu · 15/08/2024 18:27

No definitely not but my children are my life.

Others have jobs, friends, hobbies and children.

I don't.

You can have both it's not either or !

No I wouldn't, they're hard but I love being a Mum

Elphamouche · 15/08/2024 19:45

Absolutely not. I’d wave a magic wand to sort other things, but I wouldn’t change my DD.

Choochoo21 · 15/08/2024 19:47

I always imagine what my life would be like without DC.
I had them very young, was/still am a single parent and it’s of course been incredibly difficult and I’ve missed out on a lot.

But I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Everything happens for a reason and I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t have the struggles I had.

Wimberry · 15/08/2024 19:47

I don't have them, and I'm now passed that age. I did worry as I got older that I might regret it (it was a conscious decision, we never tried).

If I had a magic wand I wouldn't change anything. I think I could have been a good parent, but think it would have come at too big a cost. I found out very late that I'm autistic and I think this is a big part of it for me, my hobbies and alone time are very important.

The women in my family had children as it was expected and it wasn't great. Eg the extra pressures of being a single parent and having a hard life, or just not 'taking' to motherhood - doing what they needed to do and no doubt loving the children, but not exactly thriving, and relieved when they flew the nest.

I hope things feel easier for you OP, as they get a bit older and more independent!

Choochoo21 · 15/08/2024 19:48

If I had a magic wand, id use it to have more money and some home help to make having kids easier.
But I wouldn’t not have my DC.

Elbone · 15/08/2024 19:48

Geriatricmillenial · 15/08/2024 19:21

I wonder what brings about these differences in feeling, hearing so many of you speak so passionately about having children? Is being ‘more maternal’ what it comes down to? I can’t remember how I scored on that scale pre-kids. Certainty I scored low on ‘properly thinking about whether this is what I want or just what is expected’

This is a good question.
I never wanted children. I wouldn’t have called myself maternal 16-28.
But, when speaking to old uni friends, they alway say they knew I’d have “loads” (3!) of kids because I was always so maternal. I’d make sure all the girls in my dorm got home safely. Brought sick buckets and glasses of water to bedsides. Cooked everyone hang over breakfast/dinner. Helped people finish off their projects they were behind with. Clean up their vomit. Buy them ice cream and rent a film when they were dumped. It always made my chest feel a bit tight if I knew one of them was upset/ ill/ stressed. I just had to be helpful.

I thought I was just a good friend but they’re very transferable skills!

Didimum · 15/08/2024 19:49

The fact that the poll is at 60/40 yet with only 2-3 posters out of 6 pages saying they would be pro-wand …

DramaLlamaBangBang · 15/08/2024 19:49

No. Mine are teenagers, and still no!

Arrivapercy · 15/08/2024 19:49

I can't imagine anything worse, they are my world and I love them to bits

Tiredofallthis101 · 15/08/2024 19:50

If a situation arise where I was sent back in time and told I couldn't have my current children then I wouldn't choose to have any. Life is much harder than I thought it would be. But now I have them I'd never give them up except if someone offered me a trip to the Bahamas whilst someone I trust babysat!

Echobelly · 15/08/2024 19:52

No, for me I can't see anything more meaningful or desirable I'd have done in my life than having kids. But as I said for me. No judgement at all on anyone who feels differently, I understand how people could feel that way too.

Tiredofallthis101 · 15/08/2024 19:52

Also I'm very maternal but in a way that is what makes life with them harder for me, as I choose their needs over mine. So I don't think that's necessarily why some posters say yes and others no.

Blankfaced · 15/08/2024 19:53

I started late, and currently have 2 teenagers. My friends are beginning to retire early... that's what it's do if I hadn't spent £80k on childcare, music lessons

£80k is not the difference between retiring early and not! It’s peanuts