What would you do if someone offered to wave a magic wand, and you didn’t have children anymore?

[Geriatricmillenial]

I love my children and they do bring joy, but I get this thought in my head sometimes.

The conditions of the spell would have to be that I had no knowledge of my children whatsoever, I would just go back in time to before they were born and make dramatically different choices.

I get the impression a lot of the other mums I know don’t really feel this way, so is it just me?

Never. I like my kids.

Wouldn't do anything different now - my life and career would have been very different over the past 15 years though. But if you waved a wand and my much beloved dog had never been ours - well I'd be taking month-long holidays and travelling a lot more and my arm wouldn't be sore from the pulled muscle from lifting him now he is old. He is one of the best things we ever did though.

I feel the same way. I have 2 kids with special needs. If I could go back I would 100% make different decisions .

I spent 14 years thinking I couldn't have children and had really prepared for that life, so I do wonder sometimes, but I wouldn't change my life even if it meant no knowledge of what could've been. DS has made me a different person, for the better. I'm a lot more patient and have lower expectations of people generally than I used to.

When DS was a baby or toddler I’d have waved the wand immediately because he was a huge burden. But by the time he was 5 he was a lot more bearable and I wouldn’t have swapped him.

Absolutely not - wouldn't be without them for a second

If they could have blanked them out for a fixed period when younger - say for a good
long holiday - I’d have said yes. But not for ever

Mine have almost given me a nervous breakdown today with their behaviour but even then I wouldn't want to be without them. I do get where you're coming from though.

I don't think I've done a great job as a parent. It's been very difficult at times. It's such a huge entrapment and responsibility in so many ways. I wouldn't have children if I had my time again.

How did you nearly die from IVF?! It’s looking more and more likely I’ll be going through IVF soon and this is not reassuring…

@Elbone exactly this. I was completely convinced through my 20s that I didn't want children. I never really felt content with life. I always felt like I needed to do more and was always looking for something that was missing. I was always under the impression that that was just who I was and I would have been positive that having children would just make it worse.

I'm not saying people should have children to fill a hole in them or anything. Clearly it's not the case that it's like that for everyone.

My son was unplanned. I did not expect it at all but since having him I have this overwhelming inner peace and contentment which I've never experienced before. Parenting is hard and it's not fixed my problems but I just finally feel like this gnawing emptiness inside has gone. Now I like my life and who I am, even with all the problems.

And to be clear, I do think a lot of people can be childfree by choice and perfectly happy. It's just I wasn't one of them. If I could do it again I'd have children earlier and more of them.

I would tell them to wave their magic wand and get £1 million put in my bank account!

No way in hell would I erase my children from existence.

Are you a parent?

I'd be a completely different person if my children had never existed, I'd be in a completely different place to the one I am in now.

I’d be desperately sad that after years of trying (+££££!) our fertility treatment wasn’t successful and I never got the baby girl I’d always dreamed of.

Although life was certainly much more free and less stressful pre-DD I wouldn’t change it for the world. Despite a challenging few years she’s my little built in best friend

Never want to turn the clock back. Always wanted a husband and children. Children now well into their 40s, one with two children. No regrets, ever. Still happy with husband.

God no. If I could change their dad I would though.

I feel the same honestly - that magic wand isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy. I only wish I’d been able to have more than one (multiple miscarriages, I often think “what if”).

Nah , I kinda like him.

Absolutely not.

I really enjoy being a mum so I wouldn't change anything.

No I wouldn't, I love them more than anything and with everything that has happened recently I hold them that bit tighter. I do see where you are coming from though. They can be really hard work but I couldn't imagine life without them.

God no. They make life so much more fun and loving.

Yes.

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