What would you do if someone offered to wave a magic wand, and you didn’t have children anymore?

[Geriatricmillenial]

I love my children and they do bring joy, but I get this thought in my head sometimes.

The conditions of the spell would have to be that I had no knowledge of my children whatsoever, I would just go back in time to before they were born and make dramatically different choices.

I get the impression a lot of the other mums I know don’t really feel this way, so is it just me?

No, of course it can be challenging sometimes being a parent but I absolutely can’t imagine my life without him now.

She never said life without children is dull! She said her life without her child would be dull, bit of a difference!
No OP having my 3 boys has been the best thing I've done in life.

My life without children wasn't dull. It was quite the opposite.However, I do wonder if I'd have got bored of it eventually. I travelled a lot with work and for leisure, I was on a good career trajectory, I went out with friends a lot etc. But those friends have mainly moved away and had kids of their own. I do have friends who are child free and some like me have teens and adults, and none of were young when we started- I was the youngest at 35- and we now go out much more. I still feel like I have lots of years left to travel, and I am doing a couple of trips with my childcfree friends. I go to the gym more, I have taken up hobbies etc. CBA to go out partying and drinking, and arguably, I got pretty bored by it by the time I was about 25. The only think I feel I have missed out on is my career prospects, which are shot to pieces from 15 years of part time work, and the constant worrying about them ( especiallywhen they are growing up going off on their own.. But tbh 16 years has gone in the blink of an eye and if I hadn't had them, I'd have lost far more than I have lost by having them.

Break my heart.

I would ask that magic wand to have granted me another child tbh.
Being a mum was/is def the best thing that happened to me but I know it’s a very personal thing.

My children are the best thing in the world for me. The newborn phase was exhausting, toddlers are infuriating, they all have their moments but being a mother, being their mother is the best thing I could be.

Have you encountered adolescents yet? 😳

I think the stage the kids are at is an important question. Also someone mentioned unconditional love for children and I'm not sure that necessarily continues once they become older teens / adults. If a person, regardless of their relationship to you is abusive, steals, or is just generally a very unpleasant person I don't think there's an obligation necessarily to continue to love them.

No, I absolutely adore my child even if they are an absolute horror sometimes.
I would wave a magic wand for a nanny to appear when I need a break though!
Each phase has its challenges.

I would. As much as I love my son, I despise motherhood. It’s sensory overload 24/7, just constant work, don’t know the last time I had fun.

I was very sick in pregnancy and it’s been all down hill from there. The father is abusive and I feel trapped in a place I hate, with racist small town people I don’t get (or want to) to have access to a really good school. My life is dissolving away.

So I guess the problem isn’t really my son, it’s everything that comes with. I wouldn’t do it again.

I wouldn’t be without my children but if I could go back I’d insist on antibiotics to fight off the infection that caused my first to be born at 23 23+5 weeks.

The eldest was a pest at that age too 😂

Eugh he'll grow out of the "I know everything" stage right ...RIGHT!?!?!

She didn't say everyone's life is dull without kids now, did she? She said, HER life would be dull without HER son.

Not for a second ever, even when they were both being devils and I was on my knees. The joy is 100x the misery or stress for me. I cannot imagine ever not having my DCs.
But I don’t think you are alone. Recently I was having lunch out with a friend who has 3 kids (young adults now) and loads of animals, so I always thought she was super maternal. She suddenly said out of nowhere, if I could do it again I’m not sure I’d have had kids. So yes, I guess some people do feel this way 😌.

Absolutely not. I was empty inside before I had my twins. They are the greatest joy in my life.

No way, I would ask you to wave that wand and give me one more!

If I had my time over again I'd not change a thing & having both my kids would still be my choice. I can't imagine how my life would've been without them. Pretty boring I reckon. They have brought so much joy & happiness I can't think what else would have made me as happy if they weren't here. & now I have Grandchildren life is even better.

@Geriatricmillenial If I could turn back the clock and keep the knowledge of how hard it was I would absolutely choose not to have children.
I had a great life before i did, enough money for treats, hobbies I loved, holidays I loved.
The last 16 years+ have been a relentless drag. I'm not the person I was. Children are EXHAUSTING and they get harder.
Sure I love them and they do have good days but the utter change to my lovely life is something I will never get back and I miss that life.
Even though they will leave home (hopefully happily) in the next 5 years I can never get that me back.

I understood it to mean they wouldn’t have ever existed.

Then they would be at liberty to hide
the thread.

I always tried very hard NOT to have children!

I feel for you ❤️ I have that coming next year for my oldest. I try not to think about it as every time I do I get a lump in my throat. It’s a rubbish feeling but it has to be 😌.

I know what you mean OP, a magic wand where you wouldn't miss them because they'd never have even been born. I have this thought periodically. I was one of those who were on the fence about kids. It was DH who really pushed for it, so we did. Honestly, I don't know. The DINK lifestyle seems more accepted now than even 6 years ago when I was dithering about whether to have kids or not, I think DH and I would have had a tonne of fun travelling the world, keeping fit, eating out in nice places, having a well tended garden, spending time with friends, because we have all the time to do these things etc It does sound blooming awesome to be honest. But, many of my friends that are living that lifestyle seem to still have this 'what if' feeling in reverse. There are a few that haven't had kids and have no intention of doing it, that's fine, you do you, but there's a few which could have gone either way and for whatever reason have decided against it. I feel like whichever you do the grass has the ability to look green on the other side.