What would you do if someone offered to wave a magic wand, and you didn’t have children anymore?

[Geriatricmillenial]

I love my children and they do bring joy, but I get this thought in my head sometimes.

The conditions of the spell would have to be that I had no knowledge of my children whatsoever, I would just go back in time to before they were born and make dramatically different choices.

I get the impression a lot of the other mums I know don’t really feel this way, so is it just me?

Right but you can’t wish away their existence without them having existed.

It isn’t an attempt to be ‘that one.’ It’s the specific nature of it I suppose. ‘I don’t know if I’d choose parenthood again’ is one thing ‘I wouldn’t want my children to exist’ is another.

Posted too quick. I would wave it - I love my child beyond words, but it was not what I thought and life did not go as expected, I found parenting very hard.

I tried for a baby for three years, but it was not an all consuming drive. If I had not fallen pregnant I would’ve been fine, would not have done IVF or anything. Had I known just how difficult it would’ve been I would not have persisted in trying to conceive.

Go to Bali for a month
And then come home to do ivf to have children!

💜💜💜

However I do wish I had done more 'stuff' before kids like visit museums and mini breaks and language courses and theatre. It's hard not to get fomo now being a so glad mum in big city with all that going on around me but not being able to take part. And I didn't do it all the time before as I was shy of doing things alone

I struggled to conceive for many years and never succeeded. I felt immense grief but in time it became less raw and I got used to life without children. I’m not the person I would have been if I had had children, we are formed by our experiences, but I was able to retire earlyish, at 58 five years ago and I am having a fantastic childfree life.

Hell no. My 41 year old DS is the love of my life.
I'd be dead now without him. I had a terrible childhood and had CPTSD diagnosed.
I was wild with mental illness when I was chucked out of home at 16, I drank too much and took drugs and was on the path to suicide or early death.
Then I accidentally got pregnant at 21 And all of a sudden I had this tiny baby to care for. It made me clean up and want a nice life for him.
I did a degree and bought a house for us and turned my life around.
I wanted to be a good mum for him. He's doing great in life and I just couldn't even think of an existance without him.

No, I wouldn't change. However, I am now conscious that I got lucky with my particular kids and the circumstances in which I brought them up. I've seen other parents in heartbreaking situations and now I think, wow, having kids was a gamble.

If I had it to do over, maybe I wouldn't roll those dice. I'm sure I could have been happy without kids.

Never ever ever, I feel like my purpose in life is to be a mum. It can be very hard at times but I wouldn't change it for the world

I have two boys, I have never been so tired or climbed on, but I wouldn’t change them for anything. My pre kid life I traveled the world did so many things but it feels black and white compared to time with my kids now.

Ok, so ...
I'd want to continue this life with my children, for sure.
However, if we were to have another life, then I would choose to live THAT one differently and be childfree.
I wouldn't enter into it again, if that makes sense.

No, never. My DC are my world. I'd honestly rather die than be without them.

You do realise not all women want children, right?

The good news here is that you can spend 18-20 years enjoying your children and then when they are grown up and independent there is still time for visiting museums, doing language courses and going to the theatre and on mini breaks .

At one point I thought I wasn't going to have children it took that long trying.
My children are so Good- I wouldn't take anyone up on this offer.

Yeah I get this. It’s like this is my real life, with the kids. I can barely really remember life without them.

'I think that's a really patronising post that assumes secretly we do all actually want children above all things and that those without children are leading crappy lives.'

FFS where did I say that? I was talking about myself, and other people like me who desperately wanted children. MN is becoming such a pain in the arse for this kind of post.

Yes. But generally, most women who have children have wanted to have them at one point.

You need to stop jumping at the opportunity to twist people’s words. It’s such a waste of everyone’s time.

No it's really not patronising.

I very nearly didn't have a DC, because of my age, and I would never ever wish him away, but life can be extremely hard (I won't go into details), and I can really understand the question the OP is asking.

It's extremely honest of some of these mums to admit they would turn the clock back.

You do realise not all women want children, right?

Pps xomment: "they're the best thing I've ever done".

How did you manage to make that about you?

No way i adore my kids they are geuinely my world. I row with my eldest a lot but we care and are close too.

I love my son but I don’t love being a mother

I don't think this thread is about regret, as some people have interpreted it. It's just a kind of sliding doors question, had you taken a different path.

As others have said, I always wanted to have children and so don't have any regrets (despite youngest having additional needs that impact on the whole family). But I do regret not having travelled before having children. I left uni, started my career, left home and met my dh at 23. Continued to build my career before having dc. I'm 45 now and there are so many wonderful places I'd love to visit but I can't because our dc are 7 and 13. And because my dh is 9 years older (and 10 years off retirement), by the time we could travel, he'll likely be too old. Plus, they'll still need financial support to some degree.

So yes, I wish I'd seen more of the world when I was younger. I feel like I'm running out of time for that Everest base camp expedition!

I find these posts a bit sad...like women can't possibly be fulfilled without having kids?

Crazy to think some think life pre-kids was dull or black and white. It's what you make it!

@Myahee not dull but full of trauma , pain and exhaustion, and lack of direction and just surviving rather than living because there was no point.