Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

Yes of course that is true. Some people are natural mothers and very nurturing, I on the other hand find it exhausting. I keep having fantasises of going away somewhere hot by myself and sipping cocktails on the beach. Sigh, one day!

It really is incredible that so many think that the OP should get to it and get the ironing board out especially after a year long stand off when this man would rather moan that he has no clothes rather than pick up the iron himself.

He's so petty and determined that the OP needs to do it for him that he just looks at his clothes and feels sorry for himself that there are creases on them and the OP won't iron them.

Absolutely shocking.

So you think that if money was no object all women would prefer to look after children, do all the housework and be a skivvy for their DP rather than have a career and independence.

Many people do it because they think it is better for the children when they are very young. Do you actually have children? It seems weird that it doesn't occur to you that parents might be thinking of their children's needs before their own.

I find it weird it’s “his” shirts, but ‘their’ money.

You have to do serious mental gymnastics to find that weird.

I was a SAHM for years and have never worked full time. My Sunday evenings were always devoted to ironing the twenty shirts my DH and three DC needed for the coming week. Together with doing all the cooking and shopping it was a fair exchange for being financially secure.

I bet no one would expect a man to steam or iron his wifes clothes, even if they were work clothes, especially if he expressed that he really didn't want to.
I bet that people would think she was trying to emasculate him by forcing him to do it, leaving them there to pile up while constantly asking him to iron them for her, like someone on a power trip.

Absolutely fine however to try to make this woman feel like she's living off charity from the father of her children, and the goodness of his heart and she therefore owes him for allowing her the privilege of allowing her to be at home looking after their 2 young children and while also pregnant and she should complete every task he asks of her with no fuss because after all he makes the money so that means he makes the rules.

I hope that for some of the posters on this thread that your daughters and granddaughters find your usernames and posts😄

My husband would never dream of asking me to iron his clothes. 🙄SAHM or not. Does he ask you to pick out his clothes and dress him too? You have yourself a man child. This is basic and bare level minimum self care. Tell him to grow the f**k up!

These threads are always interesting. Usually SAHM do everything, where SAHD do f all. No matter what, when you're a woman you always seem to draw the short straw and it's not surprising when so many women support it

I’ve always been in paid employment as a mum, so perhaps less qualified to comment.

But I’d say where one parent’s financially dependent on the other, there has to be a clear contract. To my mind, you’re an unpaid carer to your children. That’s your job. It’s a job some parents pay someone to do. It’s important and demanding.

As for housework, I’d see that as being your equal responsibility, not sole. If your DH lived alone with the kids, he’d be responsible for all the housework. You live together, so it’s shared.

When it comes to his personal laundry, rather than the kids, that’s always his responsibility. Sure, if you’re at home and don’t mind popping his stuff in a wash, it’s reasonable to do him a favour. But it is a favour. He shouldn’t expect it. As he’s not a child and all adults are responsible for their own laundry. If he likes his clothes ironed, I assume he knows where the iron is.

I'm a sahw, my husband does my ironing and his as he's quicker and better at it

You can't be lazy when you have two young children and are pregnant with a third, just looking after them is hard when you're heavily pregnant.
SAHM doesn't mean you must do everything around the house. I think you have confused the expression SAHM with the word slave.

Don’t do it, he’ll take that attitude to work.

I’m a FT working mum. A man I used to work with always used to brag about his DW making him and their college aged DCs packed lunches. She also ironed his shirts.

He wasn’t mean but there was a side to him which didn’t take female colleagues seriously. One day he asked me if I ironed my DHs shirts and if not, why not!! Believe me, he never asked again.

These are the types of guys women have to compete with for promotions. Babied and everything done for them. They just have to turn up.

No thanks.

Many of "those women" want the career for the same reason many men do. Not just the money. It's the mental stimulation, the challenge, the achievement of something none child related.

I wouldn't take my salary to stay home doing the housework, because I'd be bored stiff. You'd have to pay me enough to still let my child go to nursery so that she could get the mental stimulation she enjoys and I could get the mental stimulation I enjoy.

What you mean to say is that you would happily stay home doing it if someone was bringing in the money you do, but that you don't speak for all women.

And stop using the phrase "those women" because it makes you sound like a sexist man, and I note from your PPs that you're a woman with adult daughters.

Some comments on here are amazing, especially those who feel so special to be allowed to be a SAHM. Think about it, your husband still goes to work, life carries on as normal. You do everything else, including raising his children. Yet the women are the lucky ones and it is a privilege to iron his shirts. It's seems like a pretty great deal to me! You have been brainwashed ladies! He can iron his own damn shirts.

Because some people want to raise their children and not leave it mostly to strangers? Nursery can be great after a certain age and for limited times. But it's no place for young babies, or young children for long days

Does your DH like everything about his job?

I can’t believe my ears when SAHM’s expect their husbands to “help” them with chores at home after a full day’s work !

And she can earn her damn meal (and roof over the head and bills and luxuries)

The internalised misogyny dripping from some ‘women’ on this thread is like something you would hear from Andrew Tate. Pathetic!

Any thread about SAHMs always attracts -

a) Women who are brainwashed into the ‘my money, his money’ marriage mentality - hence comments like “he is paying for you to…” I fell sorry for anyone who is conditioned to think like that. Utterly depressing in 2024.

b) Women who know full well they can’t be around their children full-time or even most of the time. They can’t wait to get them in childcare at the absolute earliest opportunity. Fair enough if you are not cut out to be a full-time hands-on parent - do what you need to do. No child needs a depressed mum who would rather be elsewhere. But don’t confuse this with ‘equality.’ It’s got nothing to do with equality - it’s just your particular personality / preference / mental health / insecurity. No more.

Do people realise being a SAHM is a privilege? And someone is working hard so you can stay at home and raise your kids? You have a choice - don’t you? Does your husband have a choice? Do you swap places in a few months or years where you work and he spends quality time with the kids?

What would you do if your husband decides he’ll stay home for a few years and go part time depending on how it goes?

Do you see the hypocrisy ??

That's your opinion too. My DD gets loads from nursery and has loved it from day 1. She has a very "busy" personality and three full days in nursery gives her things she needs that I'd struggle to at home. The balance gives us all a really lovely life.

Is looking after two small children and growing the third not enough to "earn her damn meal"!?

I'm so glad my mother (who, by the way, was a SAHM til I was in secondary school) and father taught me that a relationship is a partnership and you both do what's needed. Not that if you "provide" the money you're let off everything else.

Whitesky75 · Today 06:51
And she can earn her damn meal (and roof over the head and bills and luxuries)

This kind of thing is what I’m talking about. What has happened to you in life @Whitesky75 to make you so sad, bitter and desperate?

I don’t have adult daughters…