Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

True but I think the fact there are so many replies suggests it's a very emotive and provoking subject, probably on balance therefore more women! Are you a man @wombat15 ? It would be interesting to hear some definite male opinions on this! I would say the current generation with young children may have been more likely to see SAHP modelled by their own parents.. though power women was an 80s phenomenon.. does this conditioning effect.what they are prepared to do? I have a father who treats my mother like a domestic servant even though he is now retired and she has more health problems?! Does it follow that if you do those chores now and it's all on you, it will always be expected in the future? Sets a precedent?

But I would expect a stay at home dad to look after the home and family

And there in lies the problem.

You are expecting something without it being discussed and agreed upon.

Hence the importance of these discussions being had before kids arrive.

A SAHP is not a housekeeper. Most people who have children at home are there for the care and education etc of the children, not a maid.

So you're expectations would be so far off the mark, you would be sadly, very disappointed.
But people need to discuss these things before marriage and kids, I would never marry or have kids with anyone with that attitude, but I'm sure some might, it's so important to find someone who has the same values - it amazes me how these things still creep up as a surprise to people because they have never discussed them before hand.

Some of the comments on here in regards to SAHM are appalling, it just goes to show how little people value good parenting for babies and young children. I'd expect that from men, but it's sad (and baffling) to see that so many mothers think this too! Do some mothers not know what it takes to care for young children all day

I used to offer to iron, but I told him I hated it and also I'm quite shit at it, so he did it. Now I feel bad as he's a SAHD and does that plus everything else (well obviously apart from anything requiring planning 🙄)

T shirts - FFS!
Outsource it, clear the backlog, then just fold fresh stuff as its dry & he won't know its not been ironed.
Failing that, wash it all again, then just fold fresh stuff as its dry & he won't know its not been ironed.

If your kids aren't at home, them you're not a SAHP, in which case yes, there probably should be time for ironing.

Well obviously we don't work 7 days a week, we have time of work and most people have been of for maternity leave. So obviously we know how to care for our children

How do you know posters are mothers?

Unless of course they have additional needs to the extent that they can only manage 90 minutes in school on a good day. I'm so sick of people thinking being a SAHM is easy.
I wish I could go to work, I'd happily swap with DH if he wanted to. Funnily enough he doesn't because unlike many on here he knows how fucking hard it is.

Good parenting doesn't require a SAHM. Of course mothers know what it's like to care for young children all day, even those who work will have maternity leave.

I was a SAHM for 13 years and DH still did his own ironing. He did it before he met me, when he was working full time, on the weekend. He carried on doing this when he met me. Nothing changed when we had kids; there were still 2 days in a weekend.

Me being at home meant there were a lot of things relating to me being at home (I.e having kids) he did proportionally far less of, because he was at work. Nappies, feeds, cooking, entertainment and early development, school runs, shopping, and so on.

I still had time to wash and iron (if I wished) my clothes, and I took care of the kids washing as I was at home.

He still had time to do his.

What's stopping you from working and using childcare like everyone else or do you mean your child has special needs and can only go to school 90 minutes a day if that's the case that's shit and I really feel for you but your life is very different to parents who can work but want to be sahm but don't actually want to do anything

Did you not read the very first part of pp's comment?

No I am a woman with adult daughters. It's inevitable that there will be men on here though.

I agree doing all the housework when children are young can set a precedent. My mother always warned me against it.

I edited my comment because no I skimmed it

See that's crazy to me you stayed at home your kids went to school your husband was at work but you didn't do his washing what actually did you do why the kids where at school

I didn’t say it was like winning the lottery. I said it was a luxury not to have to work for a living.

I had three under 1.5yrs so well aware how difficult it is to look after children. Even harder to be a working parent and have to put your best work face on after a night of no sleep with unsettled babies. Having someone else look after the income is a luxury.

my argument still stands. What’s a few shirts when you don’t need to work for a living?

I answered up thread in that I ironed my DH shirts when I was a SAHP, but that did not mean he did nothing around the house. He did other things.
I do not iron T shirts, knickers or anything else.
I have found over the years that many jobs around the house can be shared between you. DH would clean the toilet; he always does the shopping (which he loves, and which I hate). He hoovers, etc
I ironed DC school shirts until secondary school, which roughly coincided with me returning to work, part time, and then full time, so then everybody had to do their own shirts, or they did not get ironed.

But as someone said upthread… it’s a choice. Who would go to work out of choice?

Very aware of how difficult it is to look after children but … as I said, it’s just a few shirts!

Maternity leave is a walk in the park, it's a baby and they just play and sleep, if you're breastfeeding even easier no dishes required. I don't think they do know what it's like to care for young children, but if they're only basing it on maternity leave and weekends that makes sense why they think it's relatively easy (and think that a SAHM does nothing all day! Maybe once they're about 4, it might get easier, here's hoping)

Do you seriously think no women wants a career and everyone would prefer to be a 1950s housewife?

They are working though. If they have preschool children they are looking after them and usually a lot of housework. I found it harder than my job had been. It's not a "luxury".,

No, where did I say that? Twisting words now.

I think lots of women want a career and many tie their self worth to it. But equally I don't know many people who love their job that much. Most people would love to won the lottery instead and do other things with their time I reckon. I was one of those people who thought if work even if I won the lottery, but I took a sabbatical for a year and actually that was much more fun!

You said who would work if they had a choice.