Should a sahm do dh ironing?

[crocly]

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing.
I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it.
The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year.
It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it.
I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

I agree

I used to detest ironing then I started watching Netflix whilst doing it and actually consider it ‘me time’ now and it doesn’t feel like a chore any longer It sounds a bit sad but it works for me!

You don't actually know he is giving her money and even if he is it doesn't mean she has to do whatever he says. He isn't her boss and she isn't an employee. Regardless, do you do your bosses ironing?

I’d still work but my reasons for working would be entirely different. Maybe I wouldn’t be as driven because what I do, I do to give my DC’s the best I can provide for them.

I’d also still cook and do housework too.

But who puts the money in the joint account???

There is an implied contract with a SAHP. One partner provides money in return for the work being done around the house.

Maybe the DH can start that!

I think the only implied contract is that OP looks after the children.

ive Always done the ironing here, but I actually enjoy it. The rule is DH cooks dinner whilst I iron. I normally cook so I enjoy not cooking that evening and the ironing gets done. In your circumstances I think maybe suggest to DH that he pays someone to do his ironing.

other than maternity leave I’ve never been an an official SAHM but when on mat leave and when I worked very part time hours I always did all the ironing. By a bizarre twist of fate DH has decided he quite likes ironing so he now does it all once a week. I’m not complaining as I hate ironing!! Mind you I still do the bulk of the housework

Do we know there is a joint account?
The only information we have is that she is a SAHM who hates ironing. What she she does do, how willing she is, how they arrange their finances we have no idea.
I've yet to see a good reason why a grown man can't iron his own tshirts.

But you'd still work.

You work to provide for your family and the life you want to have, and you'd do that regardless of your parental status.

Going to work is still respite from being responsible for tiny lives 24/7. It's a break from the endless "but whyyyy" questions or the demands of juice or cuddles. A bit of time where no one is touching you (or at least shouldn't be). Some time knowing that someone else is keeping your child safe and happy for a few hours while you be your kick ass self. And it's knowing you have independence.

I absolutely adore my child and my days at home with her are amazing. Wouldn't trade them for anything. But equally, those days at work are something I hold very dear to me, because for a short period of time I am just me, kicking ass at what I do.

Well as you are not his maid and as he presumably would have to do his own god damn ironing if you weren't around then no you should not be having to do his clothes.

People behave as if the poor men do not benefit from having the mother at home bringing up their children, as if they are really doing the mother a huge favor by working. As if the mother should be in the mans debt.

Good grief.

If not for a SAHP, how would either of them put money in the joint account?

He can do that because she's home. Because there are no childcare costs. He can advance his career because he can take the overtime or the extra hours or the extra stress, because she's at home.

Now go away with your misogyny.

What's wrong with everyone doing their own washing/ironing I ask you? Far far too many women playing 'mummy' to their DH, washing the skiddies off their boxers! 🤢 It's really no wonder some nem even now in 2024 act like helpless little children. Then the women are on here complaining their men are useless and don't help?! I will be training my boys to cook, clean, read a clothes label, wash and dry their own clothes, have a work ethic etc when they are old enough so there will be no excuse of weaponized incompetence or relying on a partner to do everything for them. It's about time all the male section of the species evolved past being a domestic parasite.

But would you be happy if one of your sons was working 60/70 hrs a week why their partner didn't work and they expected him to then come home and cook and clean

No one said anything about a 70 hour work week, bringing up children is working and she said she didn't want to iron - nothing about cooking and cleaning.

Plus, I'm sure many single men and women cope just fine washing and ironing their own clothes and do not crumble to a million pieces.

It's actually a bit icky the thought that a grown up couldn't sort their own clothes out.

Whose son is working 70 hours a week and then expected to cook and clean when he gets home? 😂

Nope the money is provided because the families bills need to be paid.

There's no implied contract at all, except among the 1950s crowd. A SAHP often will do most of the chores because it's more convenient and also because most of them do think it's fair to do the lions share, but that does not mean that they must do everything and that their partner gets to order them around.

If they were both earning and paying bills equally then how would you see his share? Paying bills and providing for his family?

But if the mother is at home he's not paying bills and providing or his family? he's just paying for his partner to raise the kids and do jobs in the home????

But who puts the money in the joint account???

There is an implied contract with a SAHP. One partner provides money in return for the work being done around the house

When it comes to having a SAHP - nothing should be implied.

A full discussion needs to be had, preferably before marriage and before kids- as what each person sees a SAHP role as, how the division of labour will work - maybe boring but very important.

And No - my DH never implied I would become his maid. We discussed and agreed I would be at home for our DS - not my DH.

He is a grown man who respected my role and we all look after each other as a team- like a family.

I was replying to someone who said they where raising their sons to do their own laundry cooking cleaning ect as a woman shouldn't be doing this for a man. And although it's great to raise your sons to know how to do this stuff I would expect in a 2 parent household when only one person is working the other should be taking care of the family otherwise you have a female version of a cocklodger

Extremely icky the thought of a grown man looking at the pile of all his creased clothes and moaning that he has nothing to wear and continuously asking his wife to iron them even though she said she wouldn't. He'd rather have no clothes than iron his own 😂

How pathetic!

If you can afford it hire an ironer.

if not, personally I would do the bulk of the chores, however 2 kids and one on the way I think a little flexibility for a little while.

It's interesting isn't it that we haven't needed to coin a phrase for the "female version of a cocklodger"? Wonder why that might be...

No she didn't say that a woman shouldn't be doing that stuff for a man, she said that she wants them to have no excuse or weaponised incompetence or relying on their partner to do everything for them.
Very different and hugely common scenario.

So I'm not sure why you would then come up with a very out-there scenario and of him working 70 hours a week and then having to come home to cook and clean 😂

And a woman taking care of her family doesn't mean that she has to do absolutely everything.

Because these sites prefer to slag of men and are blind to how certain women act