Page 36 | Should a sahm do dh ironing?

crocly · 2024-08-15T07:47:16+00:00

I have 2 small children and one due in October and I hate ironing. I haven't ironed dh shirts in about a year since I told him I was not going to do it. The ironing pile has grown over the past year and dh is complaining he has no clothes and he keeps asking for them to be ironed and nothings been ironed in a year. It's all his T-shirts I don't iron my clothes and I don't iron the children's unless it's a particular item that needs it. I am a sahm at the moment but I really don't like ironing and nor does he am I right to refuse as he wears it, he irons it or is this just part of my role as a sahm?

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/08/2024 21:30

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 15/08/2024 21:08

But you'd still work.

You work to provide for your family and the life you want to have, and you'd do that regardless of your parental status.

Going to work is still respite from being responsible for tiny lives 24/7. It's a break from the endless "but whyyyy" questions or the demands of juice or cuddles. A bit of time where no one is touching you (or at least shouldn't be). Some time knowing that someone else is keeping your child safe and happy for a few hours while you be your kick ass self. And it's knowing you have independence.

I absolutely adore my child and my days at home with her are amazing. Wouldn't trade them for anything. But equally, those days at work are something I hold very dear to me, because for a short period of time I am just me, kicking ass at what I do.

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I’m still ultimately responsible for them. It doesn’t just go away because I’m working.

I’d still work without children but I’d also still cook, clean etc that’s just part of being an adult.

I definitely agree about the independence though, it’s a reason why I’d never be a SAHM.

Tohaveandtohold · 15/08/2024 21:30

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 15/08/2024 21:10

If not for a SAHP, how would either of them put money in the joint account?

He can do that because she's home. Because there are no childcare costs. He can advance his career because he can take the overtime or the extra hours or the extra stress, because she's at home.

Now go away with your misogyny.

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what do you mean if not for the SAhP, how will they put money in the joint account? No one has to stay at home, that’s a choice. There are millions of households with no SAHP, mine included, both parents work, plan and space children (bar multiples) both pay for good childcare for a few years and they both advance their career.
That’s not the choice that OP wants which is fine. As a couple, both of them needs to sit and define the expectations. If he feels that as the SAHM, he expects her to do his ironing as well because he’s providing for them all but she objects then then that’s not a role suited for her. She should go to work as well and outsource / share childcare and other household responsibilities. I bet she and most of the SAHM’s on this thread won’t just choose the option of returning to work though.

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:31

kkloo · 15/08/2024 21:28

No she didn't say that a woman shouldn't be doing that stuff for a man, she said that she wants them to have no excuse or weaponised incompetence or relying on their partner to do everything for them.
Very different and hugely common scenario.

So I'm not sure why you would then come up with a very out-there scenario and of him working 70 hours a week and then having to come home to cook and clean 😂

And a woman taking care of her family doesn't mean that she has to do absolutely everything.

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Why do you put laughing faces at the end of every comment you have made on this thread do you have some kind of disorder where your incapable of having an adult discussion

tiggergoesbounce · 15/08/2024 21:31

was replying to someone who said they where raising their sons to do their own laundry cooking cleaning ect as a woman shouldn't be doing this for a man. And although it's great to raise your sons to know how to do this stuff I would expect in a 2 parent household when only one person is working the other should be taking care of the family otherwise you have a female version of a cocklodger

I'm not sure a Cocklodger is used when describing a man who looks after 2 kids full time while being pregnant as the OP is ?

I think the term we use is a stay at home dad ?

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:32

tiggergoesbounce · 15/08/2024 21:31

was replying to someone who said they where raising their sons to do their own laundry cooking cleaning ect as a woman shouldn't be doing this for a man. And although it's great to raise your sons to know how to do this stuff I would expect in a 2 parent household when only one person is working the other should be taking care of the family otherwise you have a female version of a cocklodger

I'm not sure a Cocklodger is used when describing a man who looks after 2 kids full time while being pregnant as the OP is ?

I think the term we use is a stay at home dad ?

But I would expect a stay at home dad to look after the home and family

Namechangey23 · 15/08/2024 21:32

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:13

But would you be happy if one of your sons was working 60/70 hrs a week why their partner didn't work and they expected him to then come home and cook and clean

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Ultimately I hope he wouldn't end up in a lopsided relationship like that! I'd expect that if he was choosing to work a 60/70 hour week whilst his partner chooses to stay at home then he is also choosing to duck out of childcare of young children and therefore can pay for cleaner/housekeeper/ironing service etc.. but honestly I think it's a pretty outdated model for women to be SAHP now. We will never have equality whilst women are the overwhelming majority sex choosing to be the SAHP which is a role that is historically and almost universally undervalued and taken for granted by men (whether they admit it or not!!). Either men start sharing the load and getting flexible work agreements so that both parents can parent equally or women go back to work full time and use childcare..and ideally childcare would be cheaper! Screw doing the ironing for someone else...unless I was being paid! If you love ironing and it's your hobby/relaxation then that's great (if a little lacking in imagination!) But personally I can think of far far better ways to spend my time! I don't know many jobs that truly are 60/70 hours a week apart from maybe emergency services and military. But I do know in the city job I work in a lot of men who could go home at a sensible time use a lot of excuses not to.. shirking their home responsibilities!!

OrangeSlices998 · 15/08/2024 21:35

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:21

I was replying to someone who said they where raising their sons to do their own laundry cooking cleaning ect as a woman shouldn't be doing this for a man. And although it's great to raise your sons to know how to do this stuff I would expect in a 2 parent household when only one person is working the other should be taking care of the family otherwise you have a female version of a cocklodger

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A grown man being able to cook, do some laundry and clean the bathroom is the bare minimum! My husband, who worked while I was a SAHM, unloaded the dishwasher before he went to work and we tidied the kitchen together of an evening and packed my preschoolers nursery bag together and all the other jobs that need doing with family life. The balance wasn’t 50/50 but he absolutely did his share of parenting and household jobs because being at home with 2u2 is work! I kept on top of stuff but some days it was chaos and he came home and pitched in. There are so many threads of men who don’t contribute, of women who feel burnt out and stressed and unappreciated with no help and no support. They’re told their man should be pulling his weight and doing his share. Then you get threads like this where people think it’s absurd a grown man does his own ironing (or outsources it!) if he likes ironed clothes and his wife doesn’t do ironing!

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:36

Namechangey23 · 15/08/2024 21:32

Ultimately I hope he wouldn't end up in a lopsided relationship like that! I'd expect that if he was choosing to work a 60/70 hour week whilst his partner chooses to stay at home then he is also choosing to duck out of childcare of young children and therefore can pay for cleaner/housekeeper/ironing service etc.. but honestly I think it's a pretty outdated model for women to be SAHP now. We will never have equality whilst women are the overwhelming majority sex choosing to be the SAHP which is a role that is historically and almost universally undervalued and taken for granted by men (whether they admit it or not!!). Either men start sharing the load and getting flexible work agreements so that both parents can parent equally or women go back to work full time and use childcare..and ideally childcare would be cheaper! Screw doing the ironing for someone else...unless I was being paid! If you love ironing and it's your hobby/relaxation then that's great (if a little lacking in imagination!) But personally I can think of far far better ways to spend my time! I don't know many jobs that truly are 60/70 hours a week apart from maybe emergency services and military. But I do know in the city job I work in a lot of men who could go home at a sensible time use a lot of excuses not to.. shirking their home responsibilities!!

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I think with the cost of living these days it's likely a man would have to work them sort of hours to support a sahm and children but I'd agree with you that it makes more sense for both adults to work and split childcare and chores

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/08/2024 21:41

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:36

I think with the cost of living these days it's likely a man would have to work them sort of hours to support a sahm and children but I'd agree with you that it makes more sense for both adults to work and split childcare and chores

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I agree. I don’t think it’s equal or much of a partnership for one person to be 100% responsible for childcare/household and one person to be 100% responsible for providing financially.

kkloo · 15/08/2024 21:44

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:31

Why do you put laughing faces at the end of every comment you have made on this thread do you have some kind of disorder where your incapable of having an adult discussion

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Not every comment, just the ones that make me laugh 😂

Well I have ADHD which makes me call out what I believe to very wrong, which I believe your posts are. Is that the kind of disorder you meant?

Why do you post 1950s crap on every comment that you have made? Would you make those comments to your children or young family members? Would you make them in a group scenario outside family? or would you be nervous about how they go would go down so you just save them for the internet to berate women who aren't being subservient enough to their husbands?

threelittlescones · 15/08/2024 21:47

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/08/2024 21:41

I agree. I don’t think it’s equal or much of a partnership for one person to be 100% responsible for childcare/household and one person to be 100% responsible for providing financially.

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My partner brings home roughly half of the total amount that comes into our household monthly. The other half is made up of various benefits. I know, how horrific according to mumsnet. He also certainly doesn't work 60-70 hours a week. He's probably out the house for between 30 and 40 hours a week depending on where he's working. He also isn't some CEO or partner in a fancy company so he doesn't need shirts ironed anyway 😂 So yeah, I don't feel in any way that I have to be eternally grateful to him for allowing me the "luxury" of staying at home and everything eg parenting and housework is split 50/50.

InSpainTheRain · 15/08/2024 21:51

I am not a sahm but I iron anything that needs it. I do it weekly, usually watching F1 ylif it's in. Doesn't take long if you keep on top of it

I'd the problem that it's over dry and now really hard to iron? I wash stuff them tumble or hang up and iron or fold immediately it's dry.

wombat15 · 15/08/2024 21:51

Tohaveandtohold · 15/08/2024 21:30

what do you mean if not for the SAhP, how will they put money in the joint account? No one has to stay at home, that’s a choice. There are millions of households with no SAHP, mine included, both parents work, plan and space children (bar multiples) both pay for good childcare for a few years and they both advance their career.
That’s not the choice that OP wants which is fine. As a couple, both of them needs to sit and define the expectations. If he feels that as the SAHM, he expects her to do his ironing as well because he’s providing for them all but she objects then then that’s not a role suited for her. She should go to work as well and outsource / share childcare and other household responsibilities. I bet she and most of the SAHM’s on this thread won’t just choose the option of returning to work though.

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I'm interested in why women who are not SAHM think everyone would be if they had the choice. Would you prefer not to have a career?

kkloo · 15/08/2024 21:57

Tohaveandtohold · 15/08/2024 21:30

what do you mean if not for the SAhP, how will they put money in the joint account? No one has to stay at home, that’s a choice. There are millions of households with no SAHP, mine included, both parents work, plan and space children (bar multiples) both pay for good childcare for a few years and they both advance their career.
That’s not the choice that OP wants which is fine. As a couple, both of them needs to sit and define the expectations. If he feels that as the SAHM, he expects her to do his ironing as well because he’s providing for them all but she objects then then that’s not a role suited for her. She should go to work as well and outsource / share childcare and other household responsibilities. I bet she and most of the SAHM’s on this thread won’t just choose the option of returning to work though.

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The role can still be suited to her, he's just not going to get his ironing done.

If he's refusing to iron his own shirts then I very much doubt that he wants to take on any other chores if she did start back at work.

I would imagine that the cost of childcare in their situation would also be prohibitive and there's a high chance that given the choice of her returning to work soon and him sharing household responsibilities that he'd rather she stays at home even if she doesn't do his ironing for him.

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:59

kkloo · 15/08/2024 21:44

Not every comment, just the ones that make me laugh 😂

Well I have ADHD which makes me call out what I believe to very wrong, which I believe your posts are. Is that the kind of disorder you meant?

Why do you post 1950s crap on every comment that you have made? Would you make those comments to your children or young family members? Would you make them in a group scenario outside family? or would you be nervous about how they go would go down so you just save them for the internet to berate women who aren't being subservient enough to their husbands?

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It's not only my comments it's everyone's that's why I said it. But I didn't say anything funny or do you mean their sarcastic laughing faces because we have a difference of opinion. I hope my daughters work as adults

Namechangey23 · 15/08/2024 22:08

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:21

I was replying to someone who said they where raising their sons to do their own laundry cooking cleaning ect as a woman shouldn't be doing this for a man. And although it's great to raise your sons to know how to do this stuff I would expect in a 2 parent household when only one person is working the other should be taking care of the family otherwise you have a female version of a cocklodger

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Erm no.. because the woman would be looking after young children...! Which is a job in itself. If the kids are in school...well there would be some serious downtime and I'd question why they don't find a job. In truth I'd feel a bit disappointed if one of my sons got together with a women who wanted to SAHP to be honest as hopefully his partner would have a bit more about them. Likewise if I had a daughter I'd feel a bit sad if they ended up a SAHP and put their own hopes and dreams on hold and potentially damage their own future whilst being beholden to a man. People are allowed to choose their own destiny however! I expect to be flamed for admitting this but I bet I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

Safi7 · 15/08/2024 22:13

People who have all these issues, assumptions and so very very much to say about SAHMs and what they should and should not be doing and blah blah blah …

This is a YOU problem!

One post about IRONING ffs and all this.

It’s ridiculous.

Some women want to be at home with their own children. Believe it or not! It’s not unusual. Their DHs don’t think like you. It’s normal.

Some women are SAHMs. Get over it.

Give it a rest with all the surmising and “they should do…” it’s pathetic. Truly pathetic that women carry on like this.

kkloo · 15/08/2024 22:16

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 21:59

It's not only my comments it's everyone's that's why I said it. But I didn't say anything funny or do you mean their sarcastic laughing faces because we have a difference of opinion. I hope my daughters work as adults

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Not everyones 😊Only 4 or 5 and I've posted probably dozens of times on this thread!

I just thought it was funny that someone said they didn't want their son to use weaponized incompetence and rely on a partner to do everything for them, (which everyone knows is a common phenomenon and one that often splits marriages in the end), and then on the back of that you were like "but what about if he was working 70 hours a week and then had to come home and cook and clean"? That's funny to me because why even ask the question? Do you think that someone who is teaching their son about how to do chores is putting him at risk at being walked all over?

You said "I hope my daughters work as adults"..and it's like if I replied to that and said but what if she has to work 70 hours a week and then go home and cut the grass and chop the wood for the fire? 😂

wombat15 · 15/08/2024 22:22

Safi7 · 15/08/2024 22:13

People who have all these issues, assumptions and so very very much to say about SAHMs and what they should and should not be doing and blah blah blah …

This is a YOU problem!

One post about IRONING ffs and all this.

It’s ridiculous.

Some women want to be at home with their own children. Believe it or not! It’s not unusual. Their DHs don’t think like you. It’s normal.

Some women are SAHMs. Get over it.

Give it a rest with all the surmising and “they should do…” it’s pathetic. Truly pathetic that women carry on like this.

You don't know that posters are women. I am sure a lot are men.

Ilovecleaning · 15/08/2024 22:23

Can you afford an ironing service?

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 22:24

kkloo · 15/08/2024 22:16

Not everyones 😊Only 4 or 5 and I've posted probably dozens of times on this thread!

I just thought it was funny that someone said they didn't want their son to use weaponized incompetence and rely on a partner to do everything for them, (which everyone knows is a common phenomenon and one that often splits marriages in the end), and then on the back of that you were like "but what about if he was working 70 hours a week and then had to come home and cook and clean"? That's funny to me because why even ask the question? Do you think that someone who is teaching their son about how to do chores is putting him at risk at being walked all over?

You said "I hope my daughters work as adults"..and it's like if I replied to that and said but what if she has to work 70 hours a week and then go home and cut the grass and chop the wood for the fire? 😂

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If her partner was at home all day I'd expect him to cut the grass and chop the wood for the fire.

kkloo · 15/08/2024 22:25

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 22:24

If her partner was at home all day I'd expect him to cut the grass and chop the wood for the fire.

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I wasn't actually asking you that question.
I was explaining why I thought your question was funny.

SouthLondonMum22 · 15/08/2024 22:25

Namechangey23 · 15/08/2024 22:08

Erm no.. because the woman would be looking after young children...! Which is a job in itself. If the kids are in school...well there would be some serious downtime and I'd question why they don't find a job. In truth I'd feel a bit disappointed if one of my sons got together with a women who wanted to SAHP to be honest as hopefully his partner would have a bit more about them. Likewise if I had a daughter I'd feel a bit sad if they ended up a SAHP and put their own hopes and dreams on hold and potentially damage their own future whilst being beholden to a man. People are allowed to choose their own destiny however! I expect to be flamed for admitting this but I bet I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

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You definitely aren't the only one.

Differentstarts · 15/08/2024 22:25

kkloo · 15/08/2024 22:25

I wasn't actually asking you that question.
I was explaining why I thought your question was funny.

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I genuinely have no idea what your talking about

Cel77 · 15/08/2024 22:29

It sounds like you've got enough on your plate. I hate ironing too. I'm not a SAHM. My husband is very good at it and does his own shirts. Nothing else is ironed in our house and we all look presentable by the way.