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Original poster

Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

236 replies

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/08/2024 12:55

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 12:45

I suspect OP explodes with rage if they watch TV in the lounge while he is dozing off. So they retreat to the bedroom. OP then wants them to stop watching there so he can go to bed. I also suspect that the daughter is being used almost as a 'human shield' to keep this man at arm's length. I suspect she told him to fuck off because she has had enough of his anger.

I suspect OP comes here, posts gender neutrally to get people on side and then uses people's replies here as verbal sticks to beat his partner with.

I hope his partner finds a way to tell him to leave permanently back to his house that he is not renting out, which would help their financial situation.

It's boys and an older girl in another thread

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 13:01

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:55

You suspect?

Faces have been slapped so hard that glasses have been removed. Only by my partner on me. I'm told they also tried to slap their previous partner.

The rest of your suspicions are totally incorrect and without any justification.

Show quote history

So you are a man.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:01

HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 12:51

He also left out that this is his partner's flat and that he stays in his own house three nights a week while working leaving her to deal with the children. And when her eldest daughter visits he fucks off to his own house because he doesn't life her. Also leaving her to deal with the children. To me it just sounds like this woman has her own routine in her home, which he then disrupts when he stays.

My partners daughter made unsubstantiated totally false but potentially damaging allegations against me. My partner suspects her ex put her up to this. The ex worked in the court service. Nothing came of them and indeed she backed down.

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

The daughter broke up with her partner a few months ago
and indeed called the police on him and he spent a night in the cells. He was someone who moved himself into our house then bought a husky pup and thought it appropriate to tell me it was none of my business that he brought a dog into my home with 3 young kids.

OP posts:
llamajohn · 14/08/2024 13:03

Why are you staying in this weird relationship?

MissMoneyFairy · 14/08/2024 13:11

I'm completely confused about who is who, what was done,, who said what, who lives where and why do these people bother with this, it sounds a nightmare Jeremy Kyle episode for everyone,

HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 13:12

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:01

My partners daughter made unsubstantiated totally false but potentially damaging allegations against me. My partner suspects her ex put her up to this. The ex worked in the court service. Nothing came of them and indeed she backed down.

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

The daughter broke up with her partner a few months ago
and indeed called the police on him and he spent a night in the cells. He was someone who moved himself into our house then bought a husky pup and thought it appropriate to tell me it was none of my business that he brought a dog into my home with 3 young kids.

Show quote history

That doesn't change what I said. You come and go when you like without having to consider your partner or your children because they're her responsibility, right? Then when you do decide to stay, you think you should get brownie points for cooking the children dinner and that everyone should change their habbits to accommodate your presence.

Also,

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

Nah. On your other thread you said that you hope that by going to your home every time your partner's daughter comes it will force your partner to stop her daughter from visiting. That is manipulative and controlling.

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 13:14

Why haven't you ended it then if you allege she is violent to you? I don't think you are being honest about any of this.

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:15

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:41

My partner started watching TV in the bedroom maybe 2 years ago. Previously they typically watched it on the sofa until they fell asleep. Sometimes coming to bed after 3.00am.

Their default position is to fall asleep watching TV. Whether that's in the bedroom or living room.

If I was in bed then I'd often be woken up when they came to bed in the small hours.

If they are in bed, often asleep, with the TV on there can still be an argument about switching it off. It is turned off begrudgingly and I am not allowed to touch the remote. It has to be them. I assume this is to see what point they have watched up to or record the rest.

Show quote history

Your partner is avoiding you, only you know the ins and outs of your relationship as to why that could be, I'm a bit confused though, when you say 'they' are you referring to just your partner, or your partner and daughter? As your OP talks about your partner and daughter together? But I think this post refers to just your partner?

In this instance your partner and daughter were in the bedroom because you and your son were watching something in the front room, making them move or stop what they are doing when you call bed time shouldn't be assumed as you are dealing with another adult here, not a child, it's no wonder it is leading to an argument.

This TV issue seems to be a symptom of bigger relationship issues here though, your partner doesn't want to be told what to do by you, and feels like you are dictating what they can and can't do in their own home, it sounds like there is unreasonableness on both sides.

Could you not go and sleep in your daughters room if they are staying up later than you to watch a film occasionally? or setup a sofabed in the front room so they are happy to swap there?

There must be a better way to resolve this rather then just try to make them fall in line with what you want?

honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 13:17

My solution would be to change your sofa to a sofa bed, so you have a comfy alternative to sleep without the need to leave the house. The TV thing seems to be an ongoing and big enough issue to require a permanent solution. Have a (calm) discussion with your partner. However, there seems to be a lot more going on between you and your partner that may need addressing.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:38

honeybeetheoneandonly · 14/08/2024 13:17

My solution would be to change your sofa to a sofa bed, so you have a comfy alternative to sleep without the need to leave the house. The TV thing seems to be an ongoing and big enough issue to require a permanent solution. Have a (calm) discussion with your partner. However, there seems to be a lot more going on between you and your partner that may need addressing.

The sofa is from
my partners deceased parents. It's old fashioned but very good quality. I never found a sofa bed that was comfortable to sit on. Let alone sleep on.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:40

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:15

Your partner is avoiding you, only you know the ins and outs of your relationship as to why that could be, I'm a bit confused though, when you say 'they' are you referring to just your partner, or your partner and daughter? As your OP talks about your partner and daughter together? But I think this post refers to just your partner?

In this instance your partner and daughter were in the bedroom because you and your son were watching something in the front room, making them move or stop what they are doing when you call bed time shouldn't be assumed as you are dealing with another adult here, not a child, it's no wonder it is leading to an argument.

This TV issue seems to be a symptom of bigger relationship issues here though, your partner doesn't want to be told what to do by you, and feels like you are dictating what they can and can't do in their own home, it sounds like there is unreasonableness on both sides.

Could you not go and sleep in your daughters room if they are staying up later than you to watch a film occasionally? or setup a sofabed in the front room so they are happy to swap there?

There must be a better way to resolve this rather then just try to make them fall in line with what you want?

Show quote history

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

I have a mild skin condition.
I would not want to use my daughters bed and I suspect she would have a fit if I suggested it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:41

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 14/08/2024 13:14

Why haven't you ended it then if you allege she is violent to you? I don't think you are being honest about any of this.

It was a slap once and I made it very clear I would not stay in a physically abusive relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:50

HollyKnight · 14/08/2024 13:12

That doesn't change what I said. You come and go when you like without having to consider your partner or your children because they're her responsibility, right? Then when you do decide to stay, you think you should get brownie points for cooking the children dinner and that everyone should change their habbits to accommodate your presence.

Also,

its not that I dislike the older daughter. I just don't feel safe.

Nah. On your other thread you said that you hope that by going to your home every time your partner's daughter comes it will force your partner to stop her daughter from visiting. That is manipulative and controlling.

Edited
Show quote history

I think it's madness living in two houses. It's financially crippling for one. However the house I have is the only one either of us have ownership in and we are both unlikely to get another mortgage.

I would strongly prefer to have one set of bills. My house does give me somewhere to go when things get uncomfortable.

I didn't ask for brownie points. I gave a time line because someone asked. I always do more of the cooking from scratch. I actually enjoy it and we both agree I'm better. (Unless that was a ploy to get me to do it).

Everyone has their own 'code' to live by. You hope to get someone compatible to live with.

Their daughter made serious false allegations with the intent to cause me difficulties. She has never apologised. I don't feel one bit comfortable around her.

If the shoe was on the other foot and an older child of mine made similar false allegations against my partner I'm not sure what I would do. I'm sure it's hard.

I have suggested recently that we put the blame on the daughter's ex partner and bury the hatchet.

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 14/08/2024 13:50

This is a toxic relationship
Your DP slapped you once, yet you stayed
DD is absorbing this atmosphere
Kindness courtesy and respect has gone out the window.
Relationships shouldn't be this hard
It's about so much more than a TV in the bedroom
Move back to your own home, even if it's a less convenient location.

Zahariel · 14/08/2024 13:52

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 12:08

I don't have a TV in my own bedroom in the house I own. If I did I would turn it off at bed time. I don't even find watching tv comfortable in bed.

Show quote history

if it's not your house - you have no legs to stand on do you?

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:54

Zahariel · 14/08/2024 13:52

if it's not your house - you have no legs to stand on do you?

Show quote history

So would you say it's not my family home?

OP posts:
Zahariel · 14/08/2024 13:55

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:54

So would you say it's not my family home?

Show quote history

if you have another home - no

if you don't pay rent and bills on this one, no

it's someone else's house - someone who is a bell end - but it's their bedroom by the sounds of it, not yours.

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:59

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 13:40

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

I have a mild skin condition.
I would not want to use my daughters bed and I suspect she would have a fit if I suggested it.

Show quote history

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

Only you will know that one, she's been falling asleep watching telly for a long time you said, and I assume the kids would be in bed earlier than she is falling asleep usually, especially during term time, so it does sound like she is avoiding spending time with you I'm afraid.

Out of interest why are you not renting the other property out? Is it because of how often you are staying there? Surely it would be cheaper to rent that and do the commute to hers throughout the week.

Do you enjoy each others company at all? It sounds like your relationship is very fraught.

Original poster
MM1972 · 14/08/2024 14:08

sandyhappypeople · 14/08/2024 13:59

Unless they are avoiding the entire family?

Only you will know that one, she's been falling asleep watching telly for a long time you said, and I assume the kids would be in bed earlier than she is falling asleep usually, especially during term time, so it does sound like she is avoiding spending time with you I'm afraid.

Out of interest why are you not renting the other property out? Is it because of how often you are staying there? Surely it would be cheaper to rent that and do the commute to hers throughout the week.

Do you enjoy each others company at all? It sounds like your relationship is very fraught.

Show quote history

The plan was to rent out my house. But there has been talk of us all moving there. It needs a tidy up regardless. I closed a business that wasn't doing so well and I many rooms are full of old shop stock that I need to move on.

OP posts:
RainbowZebraWarrior · 14/08/2024 14:46

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 14:08

The plan was to rent out my house. But there has been talk of us all moving there. It needs a tidy up regardless. I closed a business that wasn't doing so well and I many rooms are full of old shop stock that I need to move on.

Show quote history

Your stories and timeliness don't add up. You have a previous family, plus this one. Three kids in each, i think, but its hard to follow. You said on a previous thread that you handed your first family home over to your ex which was worth 200k. You have this house that you now own, and seem to live in part time. You live in another, rented (your partners, I assume? You say youve never had any dealings with the rent / landlord etc) house some of the time. Yet 18 months ago you started a thread about coming home to your house and the partner had all the lights on. You said you didn't know if it was right or not as you had never lived with anyone before, and you bought the house before you met them.

Perhaps the reason that your relationships are so dysfunctional is because you've never had a properly functional live-in relationship with either of the mothers of your children? (In which case, was the first house ever yours to 'give' to your ex?) Or were you wrong in saying you'd never lived with anyone before?

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 14:58

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 14:08

The plan was to rent out my house. But there has been talk of us all moving there. It needs a tidy up regardless. I closed a business that wasn't doing so well and I many rooms are full of old shop stock that I need to move on.

Show quote history

Sounds like an excuse tbh

Just leave the relationship, clearly you aren't happy.

You don't like her, you don't like her kids, you won't sell your house, you won't have them move in to yours, you just leave the house and drive 40 miles away ...

Why are you staying? sex?

Yeahno · 14/08/2024 16:18

Man or woman, it doesn't matter. Your partner does not like or respect you for whatever reason. Its time to move on.

Skyrainlight · 14/08/2024 17:38

The partner doesn't care about your needs for sleep and I doubt that's the only area where he is selfish. I would move back to my own house and get rid of him.

AgnesX · 14/08/2024 17:49

I've only skimmed this but frankly the whole thing ie relationship sounds like a right mess.

The simplest solution is to live apart at the very least and at best part company.

ChrissyShenkle · 14/08/2024 17:49

I'm a fan of the nuclear option so I would have swept the TV to the ground and riverdanced all over it