Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

[MM1972]

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

The behaviour is equally appalling, regardless of whether it was a man or woman denying access to a decent sleep in their own bedroom.

Yep. I agree. I did an AS myself and it is clear as day. I'm guessing he thinks letting people think he is a woman will make people skip over his own awfulness. It's not troll-hunting to point out that people are responding under the wrong assumption and the OP is intentionally not correcting them on it. It's manipulative.

There is more to it than that though. You'll have to go look for yourself if you want to actually understand their relationship dynamic.

Your OP actually answers this question and I hadn't realised, you were asleep on the chair in the front room, so they've gone in the bedroom to watch a film, you then wake up and go in the bedroom to go to bed and demand they either move or switch off the TV.. neither of which they wanted to do at that point.

I suspect it is you that is being a tad unreasonable here, why did you not just go to bed yourself if you were tired, so they could watch what they wanted in the living room without disturbing you?

Indian think it's about this one isolated incident ... This was just the final straw

My partner usually watches TV in the bedroom. Normally, except at weekends, it's turned off without argument when I want to go to bed. At weekends there is push back and I'm being called unreasonable for wanting it switched off.

Last night because they were on holiday, I'm not, I was told they were going to finish watching the film. I was called selfish for not letting our daughter watch the end of the film. I did suggest they move to the living room but this was shot down. I couldn't even get in to bed.

They were watching TV in the bedroom because that's what they do. It had nothing to do with what was happening or not happening in the living room. I dozed off for 5 minutes and thought I should go to bed.

This is 100% your own fault for allowing a TV in the bedroom. Bedrooms are for sleeping and the other thing.

I don't have a TV in my own bedroom in the house I own. If I did I would turn it off at bed time. I don't even find watching tv comfortable in bed.

Absolutely spot on. Every post is the same and he's been called out on both the 'gender neutral' thing and his own behaviour.

Very manipulative, which speaks volumes.

It's making less and less sense. You only dozed off for 5min in the living room before going to the bedroom. Yet, it was already after midnight and you had been so tired. What were you doing in the many hours before? Why didn't you go to bed when you felt tired? If you had gone to bed by 7/8/9 pm and your partner had come in and switched the TV on they would have been UR. But that's not what happened.

It would have been easier to sleep in your daughters bedroom, in the morning have told them both how disrespectful and inappropriate this was, judging by the response I would move, is your former house empty, are you planning to sell it., that would help with finances if you want to continue living with square eyes.

Knitting? 🤔

You contradict yourself about how often these arguments occur with your partner. Perhaps you and she need to discuss whether this is a sign to end your relationship?

time line as follows.

I was working until after 6.30. Got home at about 7.30.

i made two curries, ones for the kids and one with a bit more chilli for me and my partner. Out daughter was doing hockey so we all ate when she got home.

I washed the pots and pans and some of the plates. My partner finished the rest - plates and cutlery. There is a dishwasher in the flat but we've never used it.

Afterwards I delivered an order to a customer about 5 miles away. I left my car at a charge point about a mile from the house. I was sat down at about 11 watching TV with one of our sons.

Gender neutral posts are really irritating.

But why are they in there is my question? Why would they not already be in the front room watching TV? You saying 'that is what they do' seems odd, because they are obviously going in there for a reason?

If you don't want to say what the reason is that's fine, but if they are in there because you are in the front room and they want to be separate from you and whatever you are watching then that is the issue here, they then don't want to swap when you decide if you are the one keeping them out of the front room in the first place.

If its only a problem at weekends, then probably try and find a solution together for those days, removing the tv from the bedroom when they are in there to be away from you/give you some space seems quite controlling though.

Out of interest why would you drive miles away rather than just sleep in your daughters bed?

I won’t have a tv in the bedroom for this very reason

My partner started watching TV in the bedroom maybe 2 years ago. Previously they typically watched it on the sofa until they fell asleep. Sometimes coming to bed after 3.00am.

Their default position is to fall asleep watching TV. Whether that's in the bedroom or living room.

If I was in bed then I'd often be woken up when they came to bed in the small hours.

If they are in bed, often asleep, with the TV on there can still be an argument about switching it off. It is turned off begrudgingly and I am not allowed to touch the remote. It has to be them. I assume this is to see what point they have watched up to or record the rest.

Why are you staying in this awful relationship? The damage being done to the children will be lifelong.

I suspect OP explodes with rage if they watch TV in the lounge while he is dozing off. So they retreat to the bedroom. OP then wants them to stop watching there so he can go to bed. I also suspect that the daughter is being used almost as a 'human shield' to keep this man at arm's length. I suspect she told him to fuck off because she has had enough of his anger.

I suspect OP comes here, posts gender neutrally to get people on side and then uses people's replies here as verbal sticks to beat his partner with.

I hope his partner finds a way to tell him to leave permanently back to his house that he is not renting out, which would help their financial situation.

Well the good news is you're not married to this person and you have a place of your own.

In your shoes I'd stay in my own home on a full time basis and get rid of this prince of a man.

If you have stuff at his house pop over & collect it all in a single visit. Preferably when you know he'll be out or take a friend if he'll be there.
I wouldn't say anything but see what he comes out with, then I would let rip.

True, hadn't clocked that. I hate gender neutral posts like pp above

He also left out that this is his partner's flat and that he stays in his own house three nights a week while working leaving her to deal with the children. And when her eldest daughter visits he fucks off to his own house because he doesn't life her. Also leaving her to deal with the children. To me it just sounds like this woman has her own routine in her home, which he then disrupts when he stays.

You suspect?

Faces have been slapped so hard that glasses have been removed. Only by my partner on me. I'm told they also tried to slap their previous partner.

The rest of your suspicions are totally incorrect and without any justification.