MIL inviting visitors to our home

[MooMa83]

So my MIL has been very kind in helping out with a few odd days of childcare over the summer hols for our toddler and 7 year old at our house. Her relationship with my DH (her son) is strained, and I don't get on that well with her, but try to keep the peace as the kids love her and I want them to have a close relationship. However something is irking me....the last couple of times she has helped she has mentioned to my DH in the morning "I've invited so and so over for lunch/coffee today". These are people she is close to, that my husband knows from the past, but that I haven't met. I feel like she should have asked beforehand, and I'm not sure how I feel about someone I don't know in my house and around my children. Would this bother you?

This. Assuming they are normal middle aged women and not Hell Angels or doing lines of coke, I wouldn't have any problem at all. For the same reasons it wouldn't occur to me that they might be unsafe/unsuitabe company for my children either.

Now I'm imagining a load of grannies on motorbikes roaring down the street as soon as the OP has gone to work. 😂

🤣🤣🤣
shit in your flowerpots
😂😂😂
now there’s an image!

Means the grandchildren will be ignored while she chit chats with her mates not ideal

So no SAHM is allowed to have anyone over for coffee or chats either using your reasoning. FFS

Have you never had friends round when your kids are there? Do you not chat with anyone when your kids are present? If you have, then what is wrong with the grandparent doing the same?

Or, it could mean the children will be part of grown up conversations and socialise accordingly instead of being the centre of a very limited universe. MIL is childminding, not a hired children's entertainer.

This would really annoy me, my mil has done the same to me with my first born and second born, when my second was born I put my foot down and said no visitors unitll I say so and even then only immediate family. Pisses me off mil does not live with you msd has no right to interfere and invite people to your house.

It's posts like this that make me SO glad to only have daughters, and to understand completely why so many pregnant women hope to have girls.

I think she's rude not to ask.

She's treating it as her house.

No, I wouldn’t care about this.

YANBU

It is pretty disrespectful to invite people to someone’s home without asking if it is ok with them first, favour or not.

If something were to come up missing, you would have no idea who was there and how many people and if something were to happen on your property, you and your DH would be liable not your MIL regardless if you weren’t there.

Define few odd days - if it's 3 days over 6 weeks then no she she has plenty of time outside Childcare. if it's three days per week for 6 weeks then that is completely different.

I look after two of our granddaughters during the holidays sometimes at ours house sometimes at their parents in either case I wouldn't dream of inviting people over while looking after them. Our time together is precious and I concentrate keeping them happy and wouldn't want others around, I personally find it strange she should do this and rude.

Copy her and see how she feels if the shoe is on the other foot.. I’m a mum in law twice and I wouldn’t dream of it
people like her give us all a bad name sadly

So if there was a partner there would be two adults there - but because it’s a friend ( that DH knows) you are concerned? I honestly don’t see the issue at all. Maybe she feels more comfortable with a second adults’ support, maybe she wants to show off her grandchildren, maybe having someone else there means they can give the children attention whilst she makes lunch or vice versa. It’s not like they’re snooping around your house or partying? She’s providing free childcare - if she goes out to meet these friends for lunch presumably she is not then available for babysitting- your choice!! Sounds to me like she’s keeping her friends and family happy by multi tasking - but if you really object I’d say- however I can’t think how you could explain it without it seeming like you feel her friends are somehow questionable?!

Would it be worth while to contact your house insurance? If you have your own visitors to your house, you are covered, but if your MIL invites people she knows and you have not invited, perhaps the circumstances are not the same..

If they have an accident on your premises, or something is lost or broken, if you have not asked your home insurance, you might not be covered.

It might be an easier way than rowing with mil.

You need to stop sponging off your MIL and pay for childcare. Then you can specify all the rules that you want.

There speaks someone so short of babysitters they would agree to anything to get free child care!?

Wow. Impressive how low some people can stoop.

Doing someone a great favour does not give them the right to take the piss. Inviting people to someone else's home is taking the piss imo

This really 👌🏼

MILs are not people you can « just ask them to do it your way ». In any settings, you also wouldn’t. Either you have someone(s) whom agree to take all your directives (your mom, close friends, children mums friends, babysitters…etc.) or you have to take on board this irking feeling.

Good luck 🌺👌🏼

It depends what the issue is. If it’s that she’s having coffee with a friend while looking after your kids, YABU.

If it’s that you don’t want people in your house, just tell her that. Make it clear it’s about you (you don’t want to have to keep everything “visitor ready”, worry about your pants drying on a radiator, just aren’t comfortable me with it, etc.) rather than her. Be clear you’ll be increasing whatever expenses you give her to cover soft play, coffees, lunches, etc. so she can invite a friend along while she’s out the house rather than hosting them at yours.

She was probably down to see her friends on that day, then you asked her so she kindly put herself out to do it, thinking the ladies just come to a different house.
It's not like they are going to wreck the joint. I don't know if there is a group id trust more in my house than a bunch of older ladies.
I think MIL is doing you a massive favour and definitely don't say anything. If you are so bothered sort out Ur own childcare and let her do her thing.

Totally depends who is coming in.
A bunch of older ladies...I don't think thats taking the p*. They just sit and drink coffee and talk. Hardly that big a deal.