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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to 16year olds flying alone

532 replies

Dreamholidaynot · 13/08/2024 07:27

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Sprig1 · 13/08/2024 07:28

I would let them go.

Loopytiles · 13/08/2024 07:29

Think it’s fine for them to go.

Peasnbeans · 13/08/2024 07:29

They're not alone, they're together.

Biker47 · 13/08/2024 07:30

Cut the apron strings, they're 16, not 6.

RoseUnder · 13/08/2024 07:30

I would let them go as well. I would also worry - it’s not nothing!! But yes I’d ultimately let them go.

You could always ask the airline to keep a special eye on them - Virgin Atlantic are good at this (without babying them!)

PonyPatter44 · 13/08/2024 07:30

16 is fine to fly alone. Bite down on your worries, and let them go and have a fantastic time.

AnnaMagnani · 13/08/2024 07:31

Let them go. They have flown before, will be together.

SheepBeepBeep · 13/08/2024 07:31

I can be a bit on the cautious side, but two 16 year olds travelling together who have flown before and are happy to do the journey, I’d have no problem with.

MuthaHubbard · 13/08/2024 07:31

Let them go. Trip of a lifetime. Other than the security/passport element, I see it as similar to a long train ride where you see them off and dad meets them other end. Am sure if you made airline aware, they'd keep an eye out

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 13/08/2024 07:31

They’ll be fine - if there are any problems on the journey that’s what the well trained staff are for.

mummyh2016 · 13/08/2024 07:32

It's not a 13 hour flight to JFK, it's more like 8 hours.
If he's meeting them the other end I can't really see the issue.

StripeyDeckchair · 13/08/2024 07:32

It's a direct flight
You'll see them off & their father will pick them up at the airport (presumably)
They're 16 & should be ok doing this.

I'd let them go.

CrikeyDozes · 13/08/2024 07:32

New York is not a 13 hour flight it’s about half that. I would definitely let them go. They are 16, in less than two years they can leave home and do everything alone, they need to build up their experiences and independence. My 15 year old flew to Marrakech alone this year and was absolutely fine. I got her a bum bag for all the vital stuff like passports and told her not to take it off between saying goodbye to me and saying hello to the person meeting her.

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 13/08/2024 07:33

I would absolutely let my 16yo do that. They will be together and flying is one of the safest things they can do - they can't get lost, there are no people with weapons, everyone is there for a purpose, what do you think is likely to happen? And they aren't even travelling alone!

TinyYellow · 13/08/2024 07:33

Yabu. They won’t be alone, they have each other and you can’t really go too far wrong in airports. I did it alone from a year younger than they are now and it was fine.

Jeschara · 13/08/2024 07:33

I would let them go. I think your ex is right. They are 16 and will be traveling together. Please dont ruin it for them, as they will remember it.

I suffer from anxiety but would not ruin things for other people.

BoobyDazzler · 13/08/2024 07:33

Of course they should be able to go, they’re 16, not 6!

SherlocksDeerstalker · 13/08/2024 07:33

Yes of course they can. I did it aged 10 as an unaccompanied minor. I understand your anxiety completely, but your ex is right that you cannot let it impact on your children. The thing to remember is that, yes, challenges MAY present themselves - things MAY not go 100% smoothly, but in not allowing them to experience these challenges you are removing the opportunity for the kids to thing for themselves and overcome them. This does not promote good growth, and I say this as someone with a 40yr old brother who wasn’t allowed to fix any of this own problems! They will have a ball.

MagpiePi · 13/08/2024 07:33

They'll be fine. If all their documents are in order then I can't see what any 'palaver' will be.
You follow everyone else through the airport at this end and show your documents when needed, you sit on a plane for 13 hours which is mostly very dull, and follow everyone through the airport at the other end where I am sure their dad will be waiting for them.

Elasticatedtrousers · 13/08/2024 07:34

I’m a worrier but in this case I’d let them go. They will be fine and it will really support their independence and confidence!

Jeezitneverends · 13/08/2024 07:34

With a tail wind we did JFK to Edinburgh in 5:45!

Let them go…I’d have fewer concerns about brother and sister than I would if it was one with a pal at that age

Utahthecat · 13/08/2024 07:35

Yes, especially if it is a direct flight to a airport they have been to before, with a parent at each end. You should definitely let him go. I've let my own son do something similar and yes, was worried but it was fine. It is an important trip, he's 16. How can young people be responsible if they aren't given opportunities to prove themselves?

dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime · 13/08/2024 07:35

Get a grip, stop putting your fears on them.

Baddies ....FFS!

No wonder we have the amount of "anxieties" from so called adults these days.

Onelifeonly · 13/08/2024 07:35

Of course, let them go. They won't be alone and there are plenty of staff around at an airport or on a plane if they get confused. They could even ask other passengers! They won't be alone in a dark corner.

TheCrenchinglyMcQuaffenBrothers · 13/08/2024 07:35

Well having travelled extensively, I’ve seen plenty of children flying alone (BA used to have a service where they were very looked after though don’t think they do that anymore) I was always in awe of how well the very young ones managed it so well, not sure I could have imagined letting my children do it. But at 16 both of mine were already well travelled very sensible and savvy. What are their characters like? Would they panic if something didn’t go to plan? Also, they’ve got each other so that would also make me feel better about it.