To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

I would let you them. I flew alone at 15 and I was nervous but it was very confidence boosting. And they have each other.

Your fears are not their fears

You would not be a good parent if you stopped them from doing something just because you have a fear around it

They are nearly adults, you won’t be able to control what they do or don’t do forever. So best to start cutting those ties now before they escape them on their own

I would feel anxious too but you need to bury that down and be happy and enthusiastic about the fabulous trip they have in store. They will be fine.

We’ll do e, OP. You’re absolutely doing the right thing by letting them go. The most important thing is that they leave plenty of time at the airport. They can’t go wrong!

Do they feel confident and comfortable with the arrangement? If so, yes, let them go.

My concern would be 'baddies'. But they're together, strength in numbers.

I wish! No chance he would want to keep them. But if he did, I myself would be fine with it because they would be with him and he is very comfortable financially. The kids won't be happy though. They have whole lives, gfs, bfs,bff's, college, teams etc 😄

It's short notice because he travels VERY short notice, like 'oh there are flights to Johannesburg for this thing tomorrow' kind of person. He thinks next week is plenty of notice when the kids are home with not much planned. We returned from Greece last week.

Surely if you're with them until the last possible moment at this end, and their dad meets them at the other end, there's not really anything that can go wrong? It's not like they can get off at the wrong stop in the middle of the atlantic and being on a plan is about the most "adult supervision" a pair of teenagers could have without their parents being around. It would be different if they had to do slightly more complicated things like catch connecting flights or get themselves to / from airports.

Great update!

It's ok to need a moment to get used to an idea like this.

I travelled to the US alone just after I turned 16 to visit family (many years ago). I navigated immigration, customs etc alone and transferred to an onward flight. They'll be fine.

Make sure they have all the contact details for their father (address, phone number etc), a printed copy of their ESTA waiver, and a document showing their return tickets. Prepare them to show it all at the border.

They are going to have such a wonderful time! They sound like mature sensible girls, this won't be an issue.
When I was 16 my German exchange was cancelled due to low numbers, my friend and I were given permission to take a week off either side of the Easter holidays and travel to Berlin to stay in a youth hostel for a month. We had a cracking time and my German definitely improved. That was in the early 2000s so not a completely different time, but we didn't even have smart phones

To reassure you I grew up in the rurally and caught a plane by myself a similar distance age 12 (before I had caught a bus by myself).

I flew to NZ alone at 12, 14 and 17. Let them go!

I would hate the thought of one of the dc doing it alone (16 and 14). But I'd let them together as long as familiar with the airports.

My only condition would be stay together at all times. One of you needs to pee? You BOTH pee 😂 And I'd drum in the stay together rule many times!

For those saying I'm letting my anxiety rule them: I live with anxiety and hate the airport bit of traveling and have a fear of flying but I was determined from their early age to override this for them so we travel frequently, long and short trips. In airplanes, by train, by coach and by sea

Good for you and you know what, now you’re reaping the rewards. Because you have two teenagers who are raring to go and totally unafraid of a trip like this. They don’t have any of your anxieties. Which is what you wanted for them, right?

Definitely old enough and Added bonus they have each other. Sounds like a great trip, let them go OP.

I travelled on my own by plane at 16. It was very straightforward, and if I'd had a sibling there for moral support it would have been even easier. If anything, your twins are even better prepared because they've had the experience of travelling with you when you were stressed, so I suspect they're used to looking out for you as well.

Have you ever sought out counselling for your worries around travel?

Yup travelled unaccompanied younger than that (13 & 11) to family abroad by plane!

I would totally let mine go at 16.

Absolutely let them go! They’ll have each other and at 16 are plenty old enough to ask for help if they need it at the airport. It’ll be a wonderful experience for them and great to gain that independence and confidence.

Sounds like you are going to agree, which is the right thing. Your children sound great, they sound like capable, mature teenagers so well done you for bringing them up like that. Everyone gets nervous the first time their most precious people go off into the world but they'll flourish and it will be good for all of you. Enjoy the time they're away, organise nice treats for yourself and try to be proud of your kids and yourself.

Definitely let them go, they will be fine and it will be great for giving them a bit of independence in a controlled environment.

they could go off travelling completely on their own in 2 years so this would be good preparation

It seems a bit late to be worrying about this and saying you don’t want them to go if it’s next week. Has it only my just been arranged?

anyway, yes I do think you should let them go. As a PP said get them body / bum bags and instruct them not to take them off even when on board. Put their money and passport in it and then (very worse case scenario) they have to disembark quickly then they have everything they need on them.

walk them through the process and you can always write down the basic steps if you think they’ll forget and technology allows you to pretty much track their every step these days.

yes you have to let them go.

Yes, sorry, to use your own words 'you are the one with the problem'.

They will be fine. They are 16 and there are two of them. They have a parent meeting them at either end.

I think the short notice thing is a red herring, and actually I think it's probably better for you that it is short notice rather you having had months to stew over it. I don't think having more time would change your anxiety. And if it wasn't short notice, you'd be finding something else to fixate on. Let them go, and enjoy the break.

@Dreamholidaynot if they're flying from UK then it's more like 8 hour flight. Not 13.

But they'd be getting their GCSE results results Thursday if they were 16 last week. Does your ex know this? Where will they be? in US? Is there any chance they'll miss whatever entry qualifications they need for sixth form/college?

I would have the same worries as you as a parent now but I went on my first holiday to Spain at 17 for 10 days with a group of friends (no parents) and I wasn't as well travelled as your children. All was great with no drama. Can you help check them in and stay at the airport so you know they boarded and are happy? I would let them go. Sounds great but I understand your reluctance. Good luck OP x

My daughter flew alone to Australia when she was 15.
I had flown many times with her before in Europe so she knew all about keeping an eye on the gate, what documents are needed when and everything. Airlines and Airports are very used to it.

You need to let them go or they will not forgive you.