To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

Sorry, but to my mind this is bonkers. One parent takes them to the airport, the other collects the other end. Airports are the most controlled and secure environments most civilians will ever encounter, and there are two of them!

I was flown to Australia as an unaccompanied minor at 11. You got VIP treatment and the air hostesses made an incredible fuss of you, but you were still flying alone. I was fine. At sixteen, I flew to Kenya and Australia alone and it was fine! Lots of kids in boarding schools fly alone, met at the other end, too.

They aren't even going to be alone. There are two of them. Two sixteen year olds - how are they ever going to manage at 18 if they go to university and live completely independently, if they can't even manage to sit on a plane together as a duo at 16? Turbulance - just warn them to keep seatbelts on in the plane unless they need the loo, as the only thing that helps if turbulence is bad is being restrained in the first place, but really severe turbulence is incredibly rare. Immigration is hardly taxing, either!

Not seeing any issue at all with this.

Yes they all know this. Luckily, the 6th form is their usual school and they have an online system. It will be very unlikely that they don't meet the grades required but it will be sorted online.

They've flown before. They know what to do.

The whole system is designed to make it impossible to get wrong as long as you stay conscious. And actually, even that's not too much of a problem.

Let them go.

If they want to go and are happy to go together, then yes, let them.

You could take them to the airport and do the initial check-in and bag drop with them and see them to the security gate. If they have flown before they will be familiar with the routine after that.

There will be plenty of people to ask in the airport, and you will be at the end of a phone if they need to check something.

Tell them to go to the gate as soon as one is allocated and wait there, rather than in the main departure area, then they should be fine and not get distracted.

I'm not sure if airport staff would bat an eyelid at two 16 year olds travelling. They will obviously help them if necessary though

Well done OP. Another one joining the unanimous voice - they’ll be absolutely fine. And they really can’t get lost if their Dad is meeting them at the other end. They just need to follow the crowd!

They’ll have an absolute ball - what an amazing way to celebrate their results!

In two years they may just go without asking you. Better to prepare them and they are twins. Some people that young go by themselves. For their own sake and yours do not stop this amazing trip. You can be at the airport until the plane leaves and them getting there it is not as bad if someone is waiting for them.

@Dreamholidaynot
My DDs (3 years age difference) both travelled with a friend to South Africa at 13 for a school exchange. It lasted for a term. Just looking at BA, they wouldn’t allow that now! An adult must go. However at 16 they are fine to travel together. It looks like they have flown so know how it works.

I would always use an airline that’s decent. BA was always first choice for us, DD went to Hong Kong to see a friend at 15 and they upper her to business on the way home, DD2 went several times to Ibiza and France to stay with school friends. So look at what they say about young people travelling but they are adults in terms of travel at 16. They will have a great time. There are phones and flight checkers!

As PP says: Airports are the most controlled and secure environments most civilians will ever encounter, and there are two of them!

You deliver them to security, their dad picks them up the other side. They will have fully charged mobile phones. The terminal will be full of uniformed staff. They will have each other.

I remember dropping my DS aged 15 at the airport for a short unaccompanied trip to stay with a friend in France and being a bit anxious, but he texted me at every stage of the journey.

I promise you it will be absolutely fine.

And NYC is only a 7 hour flight, are you getting confused by the time difference?

I went on a two week holiday with my friends at 17 - it was fine. I think they should go if they confident to do so

I flew on my own from around the age of 9 and navigated airports by 12. Dropped off at one airport by one parent and met at the other end by the other.

They will be fine and they are together.

Given they've done it with you/ex before and therefore know the ropes I'd let them go.

You go with them to security and wait at the airport until they're safely airside. Presumably ex will be there at US end if there are any wrinkles to sort.

One question: You say London to JFK is 13hrs which is far longer then it was when I did it, more like 7. Does that mean they're changing at somewhere like Dublin?

They should be able to cope with that but there are plenty of direct flights from London to JFK (or Newark) if you want to remove a complication.

My 16 year old flew on his own to meet us, admittedly in Europe.

There are two of them. They’ve done it before too. It will be fine.

I would absolutely let them go, as others said they're 16, legally they can get married, have sex etc so a flight to the US should be no problem.

On a side note I find it sad that a father would move all the way across the pond away from his 10yo kids, and resign himself to rarely seeing them. Divorce or no divorce your kids are your immediate family and surely you want to be around them as much as possible?

The fact your son is annoyed with you should be a sign they feel ready to embark on this without you there. I too would be nervous about it but under these particular circumstances I would let them go.

Make sure you have all their flight details and you can always check the flight tracker if you need reassurance their journey is going/has gone ok. I used this for my sons first trip away without me and felt huge relief to see on the tracker it had landed. Get your ex or kids to text you when he’s met up with them as well.

Another thing you can do if you are really anxious is stay at the UK airport until the flight takes off and you know they are on the plane.

We had to do this when dropping an unaccompanied minor at Heathrow last year.

OK that's good. Some schools don't allow access to their systems from abroad without being advised in advance. It might be worth the twins checking that when they get to the US and if it doesn't work then either contact the school or you may have to access it with their permission.

Assuming you let them go, then as a PP said, make sure they have all the contact details for their father (address, phone number etc). This is needed on entry to the country - without a full address for accommodation immigration may not let them through. A phone number is not enough. I would make sure they have some US dollars cash on arrival (in case their cards don't work abroad).

I would also be reiterating the message "do not bring anything at all that anyone gives you to take on the flight back to the UK" to make sure they understand the importance of this.

My biggest question would be making sure that they are covered under travel insurance that would pay to repatriate them to the UK if they needed it. If you already have this, does is cover the US? And is it valid if you are not with them? US medical care is expensive (even a simple trip to A&E is not free) and you need to make sure they are entitled to treatment and, at worst, repatriation to UK if needed. If the ex has arranged travel insurance (which seems unlikely) then you need a copy of it.

My ex did. He spent several years in the US while they were growing up. He did keep in regular contact and took them for a holiday there but I couldn’t imagine being so far from them while being young, I just couldn’t compute it.

I think how they feel about it is more important than how you feel about it. If they feel confident that they can do it why would you doubt them? At 16 they know their own minds. You are obviously projecting your anxieties onto them, but you sound like you realise this now. So tell them they can go and they'll no doubt have an absolutely fantastic time, even if it gives you a few sleepless nights.

Id over think it too

ok if the flight is delayed or cancelled that’s fine they come home or get bored - that’s easy at either end

on the flight they will love it - film, food and feeling so grown up

you might need a letter or something for them to go through passport control as under 17s can get checked , so organise that

if you still hate the idea can you go and then head off somewhere else for your own holiday?

Honestly, no idea why I said 13hrs. Just feels so in my head!

You all are so brave sending your young teens off to far flung places and those of you who have done it yourselves! Such beneficial exposure.

Thank you all

I'd let them go.

And the flight time is 8 hours not 13.

Another one saying to let them go. They are 16, they are together and have flown before. Take them to the airport and stay with them until they go through security - and Dad will pick them up at the other end. It shouldn't be any problem at all

Let them go. They have each other, they’ve flown before to the USA, they’ll be fine!

I don’t really think you have a choice OP but I know I’d feel exactly the same. It’s really tough letting them do things. They’re together at least, just make sure they’re as informed as possible and know who to contact for assistance.