To say no to 16year olds flying alone

[Dreamholidaynot]

To America!

I have a set of twins that turned 16 last week. Their dad is American but lived in the UK most of his life, returned home to New York about 6 years ago when we divorced.

His birthday is at the end of the month so he would like to give them a fabulous holiday in New York for about 8 days starting next week. He has an amazing itinerary with every day packed which is awesome.

The problem is, he wants them to travel on their own from London to JFK. They've travelled to the US and other places with me, never on their own and I think it's too much for them to do! The whole airport palaver, 13hr flight, immigration, etc They have an visa waiver from when we traveled there last year but it was still a stressful journey. What if something happens in the way? Cancellations, turbulence, 'baddies'? I'm terrified but I don't want to ruin their lives because of my own anxiety.

I know 16year olds can travel on their own. My son's best friend just returned from France with another friend and I hear this is the age they do this on their own. I just can't imagine it. My ex feels they are more than capable and I'm 'restricting their growth'. He traveled a lot from a young age with the army. He also travels at very short notice due to his work but I usually need more time to prepare for things like this.

Am I being unreasonable to say no to this journey. Would you let your own 16yr old travel without a parent or guardian that far away?

Please be kind, I've posted here because I'm desperate for some real opinions but already feeling fragile because my son is already sulking at me and I the ex pressing me. Time is of the essence if they are going.

Thank you

You need to let them go. 16 is a good age to start forging their independence. It also seems as if they'll need to do this trip frequently if their dd lives in NY.

They'll be fine. They'll board the plane, eat, watch some films, maybe nap and they're there.

As an aside my dc went on a school trip to NY at 15 and whilst I was initially apprehensive about them flying without me they were absolutely fine. Plus it's done wonders for their confidence.

Years ago our 8 year old flew on her own to the US. The following year she took her younger brother. Two 16 year olds together? Of course they should go.

I can't really see any reason to object to this. They are going to be met by a parent so it's literally just the journey. What could go wrong that you being there could actually have helped? Is it a direct flight? Next year or the year after they might want to do a whole holiday alone, or go to uni or get a job abroad or something. This seems a natural first step.

Will your ex-husband collect them from the airport? If so, I would let them go.

“Baddies”, are you for real? Of course they have to go, in fact I think you’d struggle to stop them going if their dad is paying. They will be together, they’re practically adults, they could be parents themselves! And sort your own anxiety out.

They aren't alone, they are together. They have flown before, so know how airports/immigration works. Assuming you would see them as far as security this end and their dad would collect them at JFK.
It's 8 hours to JFK not 13, though once they're on the plane, I'm not sure how length of flight makes any difference.
Baddies ?? You are letting your anxiety clip their wings in terms of becoming independent.
I would absolutely let them go and hope they see it as an adventure.

My dad lived in Texas when I was a teen and a couple of times I flew on my own, actually on my own, not with a sibling, from when I was 14. Worst that happened, I got questioned at customs about whether 2 bottles of squash were alcohol or not.

YABU.

You drop them off at the airport, they go through security and presumably they'll be able to find their gate by themselves? And then at the other end it's very easy to just get their bags and find their dad

You are being ridiculous 🙄

They will be fine. My kids flew to Bangladesh 2yrs ago when they were 17 and 14, and changed in Dubai. I helped them check in and their dad gave instructions for changing at Dubai but there were plenty of signs anyway, and they can ask. If they aren’t changing flights then it’s a really easy process and they will manage fine at 16.

My eldest wants to travel to JFK at Christmas. He is 17yo, and I am concerned but he will be 18yo in the spring and tbh, you have to let go at some point. He is meeting his girlfriend at the other end. She has already been over this summer so they've already met each other and get on really well.

I am nervous but don't want to stop his adventures in life especially if he is saving up for the ticket.

OP your DC will be fine. They have each other!

My dd traveled from Los Angeles to London by herself at 14. I traveled from San Francisco to Rome by myself at 11. Your boys are 16 and there are two of them and the flight is only 6 hours from London to NYC. Worst case scenario they have to figure out some stuff by themselves...or on the phone with you. Kids need more independence these days.

On a side note, why don't they have American citizenship?

There is absolutely no reason why they can’t do it. It’s an easy journey, they have travelled before, they are not alone, they are only just “children”, they don’t have to change flights in a difficult airport, they don’t have to do anything even slightly difficult, they are in a place with staff who will help. If they get lost if miss the plane it’s a fixable problem, they can be in phone contact until take-off. I’d be anxious about it too, because it’s relatively normal to be anxious about your precious babies travelling around the place without you being there saying “careful!” or “it’s this way” rather than because there is anything to be anxious about. My dd travelled to Majorca with 2 friends for 5 days the summer after GCSEs. - apart from the length of flight the airport business is the same. You can still get lost or have delays or have issues with immigration (she was questioned re-entering the UK but was absolutely fine). The 5 days in Majorca were my big concern - the flying bit was easy. Young people that age are travelling - they are staying in youth hostels and visiting friends in other cities, they are going to horrible festivals with awful toilet facilities and even more awful drug dealers. You mother dropping you off at an airport and your father picking you up a few hours later at a different airport is not a thing you should be telling 16 year olds that they are incapable of managing,

Also 12 is the age they can fly alone

I was about to say of course they can, I flew unaccompanied from the age of 6. But you do have a fair point about the logistics of moving through an airport nowadays. It can be quite stressful as an adult, keeping an eye on your stuff when you go through security, making sure you get to your gate in time even though every food place has a queue of an hour.... it's certainly not a breeze.

But they should still definitely do it. You just need to support them to make it as uncomplicated as possible. Help with packing to check there's nothing in hand luggage that will cause problems. Check in before and make sure they've got everything to hand, either printed or on the app.

Also, emphasise to them how to ask for help... which desk to go to, and if possible connect with the unaccompanied minors dept. If there is a delay or cancellation, that's the bit that could throw them, so they need to know how to react.

Allow them. They are of an age where it's great and exciting to do this for the first time. My parents would send me overseas for the summer from 10yo to my grandparents. Whilst I was scared for the first flight at 10, by 14 I could easily navigate an airport alone and I think it taught me great independence.

Of course they should go!

This is your anxiety talking. My 16 year old just flew home from an extended holiday on his own- had to transit through Paris and get a bus/train at the other end. I was panicking in the lead up, but when I waved him off at departures I actually felt really proud of him and happy that I've raised a confident, competent person.

Let them go x

I don't see the problem, do they catch buses or trains, go in cars ? As plane travel is safer than any of those. You can hardly say no you can't go in case there's baddies can you !

I flew alone to New York and back when I was 17, it was great! I'd have no hesitation in allowing two sensible 16yos to do this - as others have pointed out, airports are some of the most secure places in the world and heavily policed, they're not going to run into any trouble. Just remind them not to get jokey with the US Immigration agents - those guys can be completely obnoxious.

Which plane are you getting on that it’s a 13 hour flight to jfk.

I went to school in the us. I flew by myself from a very young age. There’s two of them and they’re in an airport surrounded by security. They’re probably in the safest place they could be. They need to see their father. Don’t be that parent.

I think one way of looking at this is, you have a really great opportunity to oversee/guide them on their first solo flight that not all parents get. In less than two years they'll be 18 and you won't be able to stop them from hopping on a flight (tbh I'm not sure you legally could now or not?!) And you wouldn't necessarily get the reassurance of them checking in with you to make sure they are okay. So you should be looking at this as a great halfway step that not many others get, for them to do a solo flight while under parental 'supervision' as such.
If the flight gets cancelled, they will be in an airport, with food places and WiFi and phone charge sockets, and they will be able to call you and their dad and get things sorted. Again, a really really great opportunity for you and their dad to model to them that there's no need to FREAK OUT and immediately go on like the holiday is RUINED it's a DISASTER like a lot of people do, where they wind themselves up. The flight will be rebooked. It's frustrating, but its not the end of the world.
If there's turbulence, they might feel a bit unnerved or sick, but they will be safe and it's good for their developing brains for them to experience a little bit of discomfort/fear and then make it out unscathed. People will be kind to them around them.
If there are 'baddies' well tbh, I don't think two teenage boys travelling in a pair are the idea target!
Definitely try and see this as a good parenting opportunity - they will be much safer in the long run if you actively do things to give them opportunities for independence under your supervision now.

Yes YABU.

16 is a perfectly fine age for two teens to travel together.

They've been to airports before and know what to do. They've got each other.

In this modern day and age you can be in contact with them to entire time. In flight WiFi is money well spent in my opinion, especially for teens!

My 11 year old doesn't need us for help/entertainment on long haul flights anymore. This summer I had them check the boards for our flights and get us to our gate etc. I've been doing the same with train platforms and the tube for a while too, these are all important life skills and our kids thrive when we let them truly live in their world.

They can message/call you at any point for help, will be plenty of staff at both airports and they'll literally have a button on the plane to press if they need something.

I’d let mine go, of course.

Would I be watching flight tracker and keeping in touch with them, of course, would I be glad when they landed safely, absolutely, but I wouldn’t stop them going.

They have phones (I presume) and voices that they can use to ask for help if they need it. You know that you need to let them go.