Neighbours Autistic daughter

[Ashellwithin]

Good evening all,

I was recommended to seek advice on this forum by a friend. If anyone could advise, I would be very much appreciative.

I have been living in my flat for the past 12 years. During the first few years, we have had to deal with my neighbour's daughter horrific meltdowns (e.g., jumping on the floor, crying). She was 4 or 5 years old at the time and although I did complain to our Local Housing officer about this, I didn't take this any further as she was quite young and did not think it would be taken seriously. Plus, the meltdowns seemed to had settled during the years.

However, now that my neighbour's daughter is a teen, the meltdowns have started all over again and they are much worse. She will curse, shout, bang, throw things, slams doors, runs up and down. She is very loud! On those days where it has gotten too much, I have regrettably shouted to "Keep the noise down!", on a few occasions. But the noise was really grating me.

The neighbour (mum) struggles to calm down her daughter and often takes her out of the house for long periods of duration or I will see them both wandering in the streets (around midnight!). I have also seen quite a few professionals (I'm assuming as they have lanyards) come in and out of her flat which I take is to support the neighbour's daughter. So I do think the neighbour is trying to support her daughter the best way she can. However, the noise is unbearable and I can no longer take it. I have made a formal complaint to the council about the noise and have recorded the daughter's meltdowns as evidence.

Since then, a mediation meeting between the neighbour and I to resolve the matter. The meeting has not taken place yet as the neighbour always has something going on (so wondering if she is avoiding this). But I'm hoping to move to a new property or secretly wishing that they will kick out the neighbours and move them elsewhere.

Other than that, what else can I do? This is taken a toll on my mental health.

Get some earplugs/noise cancelling headphones.

So ultimately you want them evicted?

Maybe you could move. It doesn't sound as if mum can do any different. She's walking the streets with her at midnight. What else do you want her to do?

I'm sure if the mum could get her to calm down she would. Sounds like she is doing all she can do, must be absolute hell for the poor woman.

Yep, what @NuffSaidSam said.

The child can't help it, and there is little more that her mother can do, by the sound of it. The child has a disabling condition that makes it impossible for her to control her behaviour.

I'm sure the child's mother finds it tougher to deal with than you do having to hear it, tbh.

I don't know what the mediation will achieve if there is nothing else the mother can do? Assuming you don't own your flat moving might be the only option.

This is such a horrible situation for you and her Mum. She shouldn't be in a flat if she is causing such disruption. Autism or not, that's not fair to the neighbours. My child is autistic so I do understand. They should move them to a house where she is free to make more noise when needed. Or they should get some soundproofing.

I’m not sure you can have someone evicted due to their disability, as difficult as it is for YOU. 🙄

You can’t mediate out of autism and it reads as though if there were something that the mother could do, she’d be doing it. If you can think of something that she could do that would help you, then suggest it. But the daughter can hardly agree only to be autistic in the hours of daylight. I feel for you because noise really, really gets me down

I also don't think you'll get people understanding on this post, as you can see by the replies you're already getting. They have no idea.

I agree with @ChiCharlie, it's not appropriate housing for the girl's disability. Maybe the mother would rather be somewhere better suited, and rather than having a go at them OP you could provide supporting evidence for them to be housed somewhere suitable. She may appreciate your support on this rather than your frustration.

Mediation is the process that the council has got to go through. Hopefully they will be rehoused because living in a upper floor flat isn't suitable for everyone. A solution could be to swap flats.

No eviction due to disability is not legal, and I'm pretty sure that any person or organisation who tried it, would, quite rightly, find themselves in deep legal trouble, as they should.

I don't want to do the mediation but it's part of the complaints process. If I disagree, then it comes across that I don't want to solve the matter.

Your mental health ... what about the mother's. Struggling to help.and support her daughter, not sleeping well if they are out at all hours, having to deal with tantrums and meltdowns. I bet she is worrying constantly about her daughter and how her behaviour is impacting the people around them, including you. To add to her struggles with her daughter she now has a noise complaint against her which she can do little about but knowing that you are judging her and her parenting. If it was me in that situation I would be in bits. No matter how bad this situation is for you have a little compassion for your neighbour!

That's awful for everyone. I spent my career working with children with autism, so I know how distressing it was for their parents and how they worried about their neighbours.

But I also find neighbour noise really difficult to manage. If I have any sensory quirks, they're about noise that I can't control. So I empathise with OP and I doubt that I could have dealt with it for as long as she has.

I'm gobsmacked.
I'm not sure what more you want the Mum to do.
What's mediation going to achieve? She can't gag her daughter .
I think you need to educate yourself on all aspects of ASD.
How do you think their mental health is?
If you can't tolerate it any more.
You MOVE !!!!
Rather than trying to get a disabled person evicted.

I suspect the council might evict you. You are being the difficult neighbour here. That poor mother.

What I want to know is how far will my complaint go? Will they rehouse me or find the neighbour some where else to leave?

Not one of the people on here commenting that YABU will be living in a similar situation dealing with such disruption. Its tiring reading the comments.

If they are social tenants they will not be evicted - it sounds as if they are handling it as well as anyone could.

I have a lot of sympathy because the noise must be unsettling.

Because we have autistic kids and live it?

Incredibly unlikely. They usually suggest mutual exchange which essentially put solving the issue back on to you.

So do I, which is why I fully understand the OPs situation!!

I would go the mediation in the mindset of helping to prove the mother and daughter need more suitable housing since it sounds as if she is already doing everything within her power yo help reduce the impact of noise.

I feel sorry for everyone in this scenario.

So you would be happy to be evicted then?