Mother's will

[Lemonmeringue76]

I am being totally eaten up with this and I finding it hard to let it go or move past it. My mum is on her own and leads an extremely frugal life. She is in her 90s. She had accumulated a huge amount of savings- somewhere between 250k and 300k. She also had a flat worth about 130k. Apart from 30k, she is leaving everything to my two children. My younger DD is likely to inherit about 250k which seems a huge amount of money for a young woman to inherit.
I am separated and not particularly well off. Some more of this money would mean a lot to me and would provide me with se purity as I come towards retirement (I'm in my 50s.)
I don't want this to define all our family relationships but I find it so unfair and so hurtful that I can't think of anything else.
AIBU?

Do you know why she has left it to your Dds?

Does she know you struggle?

You might not like my reply, but I've always said, no-one is entitled to anyone else's money, property, personal items, after they pass.
It's not meant to be fair.
That said, I do understand you feeling hurt, and you are allowed to feel that emotion.

I think it would not be fair to say I struggle but I am not well off. I don't have the MN 200k salary; I don't have a partner. I have a reasonably good job but it's not mega bucks.

Who is getting the £30k?

I am an only child and getting 30k. My older DD has a house and is getting half the savings (120-150k) and my younger DD gets the flat and the other half of the savings.

Have you any siblings. I don't think it's wise to leave young people large sums of money.

Tbh I think £30k is a reasonable amount. It gives you £10k a year once retired and you won't have to help your children out at all. But if you need something now, would she help you out?

No siblings. I am an only child. My mother had outlived all her siblings.

Have you told her how you feel?

How is 30k 10k a year? I'm hoping to live a bit longer than 3 years after retirement!

Have you asked her why she has decided to do this?

Given the struggles of the younger generation around housing etc, it seems like quite a good idea to me - in terms of making an impact.

Does she know your situation . Would it be possible to ask her to reconsider, citing your reasons ? And to say that inevitably your DCs will inherit it from you? Worth having a conversation at least.

How old are your children? They don't sound as though they are minors and maybe your mother sees this as their way of beibg able to get on the property ladder.

I have tried but she gets very agitated around money. I think that's partially why she has so much in savings.

I'd be more worried about your kids getting different amounts, what a way to cause a family rift!

My older DD has already bought a house and is in a well paying professional career. My younger DD is at uni.

Op only going to live 3 years after retirement?

I would be miffed too. It does seem odd that the kids are still getting a different amount..

You should try to speak to her again. Your youngest receiving even 150k would be a huge amount. You could get 100k and your other daughter similar.

Does she give any reasons for this split?

Maybe this is connected to the "skip a generation" inheritance tax planning? If DM leaves to you, then you add your assets and leave to DCs, there is two lots of IHT. But if DM leaves directly to her DGCs then there is only one round of IHT.

What do your kids say? Would they give you a bit of theirs or pay off a mortgage for you or something?

What is your relationship like? Are you close? Have you been supportive during her old age? I can understand her thinking in terms of helping the younger DD get on the property ladder and having to give an equal amount to the older DD for fairness even tho she has a property. I think I’d feel similarly put out and upset if I were you but then I’m very close to my parents and would be very surprised to be in that situation.

My mum would have no idea about IHT planning! She is not financially very literate. I think it's something along the lines of them having more life to live and I've screwed up my life (bad marriage and solid but unremarkable career) so I can just live in a tiny flat and watch TV as she's done for 30 years since retiring.

I do understand how you feel op I have my own family issues going on regarding my dm will but try not to let eat you up or spoil the relationship you have have with your dm providing she has capacity these are her wishes and you need to respect them.

you could try speaking with her she may not be aware of your situation and think she is helping your dc

Tell your kids to give you money! That is all

I think it’s strange to be missed out and everything (apart from the 30 k) going to your children.

I would have been fuming if my mum had done this! I am also an only child.

The inheritance provided me security, less pension worries and an opportunity to work part time and holiday more often. I spent a lot of time with my mum, she was my best friend and I miss her every day( she died 5 years ago) .

My DC were in their early 20s and didn’t spend a lot of time with her - not for any awful reason, just young people living their lives.