Mother's will

[Lemonmeringue76]

I am being totally eaten up with this and I finding it hard to let it go or move past it. My mum is on her own and leads an extremely frugal life. She is in her 90s. She had accumulated a huge amount of savings- somewhere between 250k and 300k. She also had a flat worth about 130k. Apart from 30k, she is leaving everything to my two children. My younger DD is likely to inherit about 250k which seems a huge amount of money for a young woman to inherit.
I am separated and not particularly well off. Some more of this money would mean a lot to me and would provide me with se purity as I come towards retirement (I'm in my 50s.)
I don't want this to define all our family relationships but I find it so unfair and so hurtful that I can't think of anything else.
AIBU?

But presumably your younger DD will eventually graduate and also have a career and will be just as able to buy a home as your elder DD? One is being penalised for being older/further along in life. Seems like your mother has set up a will that potentially upsets everyone except your younger DD..

Personally I think money should always be left equally to the children of the deceased unless there's a reason not to so I can see why you are hurt by this. But legally, your mother can do whatever she wants with it.

Hard as it is, I do not think there is anything you can do other than make peace with this.

And not let it potentially poison your relationship with your daughters.

Do you own your own house OP? If you do, you have security. I can't believe how grabby some people are, I'm also in my 50s and know that my generation have had a so much easier journey through life them our kids will. Perhaps your mum recognises this and so wants to help them out.
The only thing I would have a massive problem with is giving your kids different amounts, that can poison relationships.
As for you, yabvvu.

Sounds like maybe there's more to this than you're telling us OP. Have you and your DM had disagreements about your choice of partner in the past? Maybe she tried to tell you that you were wrong to get hooked up with your ex, but you went your own way, and she was proved right about him, so she feels that you chose to ignore her advice, and now you can pay for it, or something along those lines? Is there anything else you do that she doesn't approve of OP, do you gamble, or drink too much in her opinion, in which case she might feel that she doesn't want to give you her money just for you to gamble it away, or piss it up the wall?

In my opinion, if you've got a reasonable job, and can afford to keep a roof over your head through your own efforts, then she probably feels you don't need anything more. You do sound like you begrudge your children the money, and as long as you're not on the breadline, which it doesn't sound like you are, then I think you should be glad to grateful to get anything, no one should depend on an inheritance, but sadly it seems so many do these days.

Sorry, but OP says she is 'separated'? So not divorced yet? Maybe that's why mum is leaving little to you as it could become a marital asset?

You would have been 'fuming' if your mother didn't leave you all her money?

It seems uneven and therefore unfair. Are your daughters aware of what is in her will and how do they feel? Will the elder feel penalised for being older? If your mother has to pay for a nursing home in the future much of her savings could be gone.

Is the £30k a means of keeping you sweet so you help her in her old age (because she knows the youngsters will be unable/unwilling to do that). She may think that you’ll stick around and act as carer/cleaner for that sum, but that if she leaves you nothing in her will, you’ll bail and she’ll be screwed.

Alternatively, she may worry that you’ll remarry a bad guy who will end up with half in the event of a split, or all of it in the event of your earlier death. Her way, this theoretical spouse would only get a smaller sum. If you have a long history of poor choices around boys/men, she may be worried about what you'll do. I’m not criticising you, I’m twice divorced myself ! Just offering her possible view.

I will only own half my house when it is sold and divided between me my x do I really am not that secure at an age when I cannot work indefinitely. I certainly do not drink or gamble. My whole life has been working full time in a demanding public sector role to try to provide for my children as my x was very irresponsible. I am not afraid of hard work at all and am quite prepared to keep working past 65.

But I also agree that your mother may not want your exH to benefit from her wealth so maybe a divorce and financial settlement would mean she left more to you.

I suppose if your mum has seen you spend your whole life working to provide for your children, perhaps she sees this as providing for them instead so you are free of that burden, without realising that financially things are still a struggle for you.

Similar happened in my family and the kids agreed to a deed of rectification after the death of the testator to pass the money to their mother instead.

Not everyone agreed with it in the wider family but it was rather complicated. It won't change the fact that it hurts though, that can't be helped sadly.

If I were you I'd be telling her I'd like her to be fair between my two kids though, that sets the sisters up for resentment. Just because the older one has already done the work to establish herself doesn't mean the younger should get a larger share, effectively giving her a free ride.

That's a terrible will. Talk about sowing strife. If she was dividing evenly between the 2 grandchildren it would at least be fair. Basically your eldest will be penalised for being older and further along in her financial journey. Giving nearly 250k to a recent college grad is insane. And if it is written as you say, then if the savings are depleted for any reason (care home etc), your elder won't get anything but the younger will still get the flat.

I understand how you feel OP.

Is 30k the new MN chicken? - stretching to 10k a year forever.

similar happened to a friend of mine
very sad, in fact i dont think she was left anything.

YANBU to feel what you feel OP. But you can't do anything about it.
Surely if you've raised your children right, they'll help out?
It IS stupid of your mother to leave your daughters such large sums though. Only takes a divorce for half of it to vanish unless ringfenced.

Sorry but it’s her money, she can do what she wants with it.

This is some imagination. What have you based this daydream on

Leaving to grandchildren is a fairly standard move when people make a will. What isn’t standard is leaving different amounts to each one.

It's crazy that your youngest is being left a far greater portion than your eldest and it’s this you should be complaining about. I’d be worried about the impact it will have on the relationship between your daughters which could last for the rest of their lives.

It actually really annoys me when people do things like this and it becomes their legacy. It’s thoughtless and vindictive.

It’s difficult to approach but I would be pushing your mother to change to a far more equitable split. In terms of your own security, I would hope your daughters will look after you.

Those people saying it's a terrible will - I agree. I have a lot of bitterness towards the solicitor who didn't question any of this or provide any kind of guidance.

I would think she doesn’t want you x or anyone else who might come along getting any money so is leaving to your children instead. Of course they could end up with an x who knows what the future holds she might have nothing left by the time a will needs to be read.

Please ensure that your children are treated equally in the will if they have been equally involved with your mother.
Otherwise there will be the possibility of resentment from the one who will get less.
I do hope the will can be changed to your satisfaction.
Is there any possibility your mother is fearful your ex might get his hands on her money hence only leaving you £30,000.

It was said as a bit of a joke Ken, but she was a widow, I am an only child and she had no siblings nieces or nephews so …….

My DC will inherit quite substantially when I go and then their lives will be easier like mine has been made by my very kind and loving mum.

I gifted my DS a deposit for a flat and will do the same for DD when she is ready to buy.

My ex will want half the house as he did pay half the mortgage and that is fair. (Although he rarely had money for other things children need as he liked spending it on himself!) He wouldn't want my mum's money. He is irresponsible not unethical.

I get it about not wanting to watch TV, but what's wrong with living in a small flat as a single person?

Not imagination, I have a friend whose daughter would happily piss inheritance money up the wall, and/or waste it by spending it on drugs given half the chance, so who's to say the OP wasn't only giving half the story. She's now told us that this isn't the case, and that she will only own half her house, etc., so I'm now inclined, having been given more information, to think that it's likely her DM is worried about any money left to her DD, having to be shared with her ex husband if she were to die before the divorce is all settled.