Mother's will

[Lemonmeringue76]

I am being totally eaten up with this and I finding it hard to let it go or move past it. My mum is on her own and leads an extremely frugal life. She is in her 90s. She had accumulated a huge amount of savings- somewhere between 250k and 300k. She also had a flat worth about 130k. Apart from 30k, she is leaving everything to my two children. My younger DD is likely to inherit about 250k which seems a huge amount of money for a young woman to inherit.
I am separated and not particularly well off. Some more of this money would mean a lot to me and would provide me with se purity as I come towards retirement (I'm in my 50s.)
I don't want this to define all our family relationships but I find it so unfair and so hurtful that I can't think of anything else.
AIBU?

Thank you to the posters. It's good to hear the views of people not emotionally involved. I know no one can tell the future and how things might eventually pan out. I just feel both hurt and overlooked. When I think about the future, I just think of years and years of further slog. I don't resent my daughters and would hope it won't be a 'hand grenade' in the midst of our family but the older already earns far more than I ever had or will (STEM/ Maths rather than my foolish cultural niche interests) and has a house worth over 1/2 a million. She has worked really hard and deserves this but 120k to her won't be life changing as her life is so nice anyhow.

I can't believe you begrudge your own daughters the money! I would be overjoyed if I knew my children would be provided for like this. It doesn't sound like you are living hand to mouth either. What do you need the money for? So you'd rather have more so you can go on cruises and shopping while your daughters, as your mother correctly points out, have their lives ahead of them. I've never understood parents who are envious of their children for whatever it might be: youth, looks, money...

And there are lots of things you can do with limited means rather than sit at home and watch TV...maybe don't think of life from such a consumerist perspective?! You own half your house, you have a reasonably paid job, this is way more than a lof of other people! Comparison is the thief of joy and all that...

My will leaves everything to my 3 DDs equally, but there is a statement in there expressing my wish that some of this money be shared with the GC as appropriate and according to circumstances. This leaves a clear statement of my wishes without tying any of my DDs to anything they cannot afford nor feel to be appropriate. I trust them to respond to this with integrity.

Awful I don't know what to suggest op.
Are you able to actually assertion why she's done this, you feel it's a punishment but is it?
Maybe she thinks your doing OK?

Can you ask about her parents, maybe she is doing what they did?

I think she ironically has no idea about money and how much things cost. It seems counter intuitive but that's why she has so much in savings. Some was an inheritance from an unmarried sibling with no children but the rest has just accumulated. She has never liked holidays or eating out. Can't drive; has a free bus pass. Doesn't replace things unless it's strictly needed.

Everything I do financially is about giving my kids the start I never had. My parents have no money to leave to me, I'm going to make sure my kids get an inheritance.

Your wishes to undermine your mother's will, selfishly spend her hard earned money on yourself, and cut the legs out from under your daughters are disgusting.

It's the antithesis of parenting.

Are you ok?

Cut the legs out from under her daughters? Bit OTT! It's not what I read here.

Op, as you have probably been doing some care for your DM in the past & ongoing care, it must be hurtful for you.

If your DDs inherit lots of money, perhaps they will take you on some family holidays in the future ?

Some of the money may get used up in care home fees too.

Ref your future
I suggest looking at some home swap sites for cheaper holidays.
Also volunteering where accommodation may be free in exchange for some help.

Not everyone receives an inheritance

I completely understand your POV OP - what I hear from your posts is also that you don't want to be a burden to your DCs. Is there a third party that your mother trusts who could point out the perils of her current plan? Starting with money should always be left equally...

Yes it does

You know - or think you know - that your ex wouldn't take half your inheritance. Your DM doesn't know this and tbh, most bets are off when there is money involved. I would be really angry if I thought any of the money I left would be going to a feckless ex.

Do you provide care and support to your DM ?

I do hope you are not a teacher of ethics
Person A has made a will. Person B get nada. Person's C and D get money, not the same.
No one in this scenario has any right to any money from the other. Nor do they have a right to demand or ask for money

Why should she?
Christ on a bike, the number of people who think they should get money just because someone has some

Another thing I would do OP, is sit down and work out your own finances if you haven't done so already.

How much you will get from your work pension, what happens if you need or decide to retire early. How much will half the house give you - is it enough to buy a small property?

This is insane

Yes OP you are being ridiculously unreasonable here

No she is not. She has made a decision about what SHE wants to do with HER money.
There was a time when children did not what was in their parent's wills until the thing was read after death. Perhaps more should do that, tell their adult grabby kids that they'll get what they are getting when they get it.

“Money should always be left equally” ? That’s not the legal position.

But what the trio decide is fair between themselves doesn’t really matter posthumously. The then deceased got to decide what she wanted to do, but then the trio work out what is best for all, to prevent imbalanced benefit to the family unit.

Why is that unethical?

I meant morally... I had a relative who had two children - one of whom was very comfortably off and the other who wasn't. He came to the conclusion that he should leave them equal amounts and his children could always do a deed of variation should they want things any differently. (Which they may well have done.). Actually OP, depending on how things pan out and your relationship with your kids (and if they understand that their DGM has brought her own issues into the situation), a deed of variation (essentially rewriting a will after death if the beneficiaries all agree).

Yes it's a terrible will. I don't really have anything novel to add, but I do get the hurt and that you'd appreciate more money to help you live more comfortably after she passes. As others have said, perhaps she's thinking of your ex taking some of it...I know you said it's unlikely, but I dunno....

I know you've tried talking to her but maybe it's worth one more try? If things don't change then hopefully your oldest daughter will gift you some of her inheritance because that would be the empathetic thing to do. I can't imagine seeing my mum having an OK but not great quality of life on one average income whilst I live the high life.

And I guess that’s what i mean. I just didn’t have the technical term to mind.

Because it is not what the person wanted. Simple.
Just because someone is dead doesn't mean their wshes have to be trodden over

What the hell?! The OP has dared to separate from her incompetent husband so she's likely to be an irresponsible gambling drunk?!

I think your feelings are reasonable.

Most people I think would feel hurt in a similar situation. Mysteriously the ones that probably wouldn't are the ones that are probably well off in the first place and have no need of an inheritance.

It sounds like your parent has a difficult relationship with money.