To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

[StarShineHello]

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

Ds being an angry teen smashed a mirror. Needed surgery. Told everyone he was bitten by a shark. Practice a stoney face and tell them that op.

Honestly, I think it's just natural curiosity to ask/be curious. However, if they push further after a simple answer; wanting to know the ins and outs, then I would say it's not appropriate.

YABU.

A visible injury would prompt people to ask what happened. It’s natural curiosity rather than nosiness.

I’d ask you.

Of course people will ask. They are curious and some probably are worried.

You don’t have to tell them but it’s ridiculous to think that people won’t ask.

You’re right it’s slightly personal. Have some fun with it. Tell people you were bitten by a tarantula, it happened feeding my piranhas or a lion scratched you

Oh come on. People will be curious. This is just ridiculous. Just say you had an accident if you don’t want to go into detail?

They are worried about you, most people would think injury hence asking. Don't be offended

They're just being nice. Others would find it rude if they didn't mention it. I think you're perfectly entitled to lie if you want to. Sorry your hand is so sore :(

I don't think it's an unreasonable question from a friend or colleague. Very rude from a total stranger.

I thought I was nosey.

You are right to just lie to people. It's a bit intrusive of people to ask, unless they are actually family/close friends.

When I broke my ankle, it felt like every single person in the flipping school asked me,

Students and teachers!

It was a boring story so so told them so got bitten by a tiger.

Yes this.

If people didn’t ask no doubt someone would complain that no one cares about them as no one has asked after an obvious injury/issue.

It’s a natural reaction.

Ffs 🙄

It comes from a natural and well meaning place but I agree it’s a bit insensitive. It could very easily be something the person doesn’t want to talk about. I wouldn’t do it unless it was someone I knew really well.

Its a bit like the people who ask newly married couples when they are planning to have children…. Why? Just keep it to yourself!

It's interesting you say this.

My ds has a visible disability (wears a splint and often on crutches). He has many friends through para sport with missing limbs.

They all say it's odd that people fall over themselves to try and be what they consider the most PC to ignore the elephant in the room!

Personally I don't think someone checking a customer is ok is a bad thing. You don't need to explain your medial history. They aren't actually asking for a medical diagnosis in order to serve you! Either say something funny as suggested above or just say "oh I hurt it but I'm ok - thanks for asking"

No one can do or say anything nowadays because someone is always highly offended 🧐

Agree. A close relative needs to wear a very visible support on her leg. She gets asked 'what happened to your leg?' so so often. She doesn't like talking about it because she has found it very hard to come to terms with needing it so to have it repeatedly pointed out is really quite upsetting. After some years of answering with varying degrees of honesty, she's now going for the tack of pretending they hadn't spoken and saying something banal about the weather etc.
I would never point out someone's medical issue like this. You've no idea of the circumstances behind it.

I thought you meant by colleagues at your work, which would be normal, but YANBU it’s weird and intrusive for shop assistants etc to be asking.

People are caring.

My mum had a box fall on her and got a black eye and lots of people were asking a head-tilty ‘is everything ok?’

I have psoriasis and during my last flare I looked like I had a facial burn. Lots of people asked, they were really concerned and just didn’t have the understanding that a skin condition can look like that.

I completely understand why you feel like people need to butt out, I felt the same dying my last psoriasis flare. But honestly - people caring is not the worst thing in the world. If my facial injury had been the result of abuse or something I know people would have felt awful to just ignore it. Same with my mum’s black eye.

You have choices:

1. Thanks, don’t want to talk about it but I’m fine.
2. Bitten by a shark 😄
3. Oh thanks, but it’s an eczema flare - to which the person either goes ‘oh ok’ and leaves it or goes ‘gosh, I didn’t know eczema could present like that…’ and gets educated for next time it comes up

No, it’s not your job to educate the world but I honestly think I’ve made the world a better place (minorly!) for psoriasis sufferers by explaining the condition to people.

Sending sympathies though - a flare up is pants and the last thing you probably want to do is manage the expectation of others. I don’t think you’re BU for the way you feel but neither are the people who are showing concern.

If I went in with a visible injury and my colleagues ignored it I would think it was very odd.

I think that is something that if you don't like you either have to go "oh I try not to discuss medical issues" or go with the joking option of "busy weekend, got bitten by my pet shark actually".

People are human. We have to live with it.

Yanbu at all, op

@Cheepcheepcheep

People are caring.

My mum had a box fall on her and got a black eye and lots of people were asking a head-tilty ‘is everything ok?’

I don’t think it’s caring at all; I think it’s just stickybeaking masquerading as being caring.

If someone is in imminent danger or distress then asking them if they’re ok is reasonable. If something has been dealt with there is no need other than curiosity and that can take a back seat until it is sought. People need to wind their necks in.

There are a million things that could be personal and embarrassing and if other people must avoid tripping over these we would never ask anyone anything.
But that would also mean we could never show concern for our fellow humans, which would be a sad state of affairs.

A bandaged hand would be read as maybe a sprain and you tell the story of how you did that, and then two humans have shared their small events + some sympathy/care/friendly piss take

It is your choice what information to divulge.
This is what little white lies are for, if the truth isn't an anecdote/something you want to mention but it's something you want to keep private - you invent a bland answer and close it down.

It's just an invitation to connect.

Obviously there is a balance and there are some questions we don't ask because it's obvious before you even ask them it would be an awkward answer, but there are those that are ambiguous, like your bandaged hand... and someone who has reason to care for you as a fellow human, colleague, parent of school pal whatever might well ask and that's natural humanity - we also don't ask random strangers about their bandaged hand (or whatever)... The personal connection is relevant.

You might be very surprised about people's response if you told them the real reason.

It's a bit like "owning " your skin issue and not be afraid/ashamed of it.

I'm talking from my own experience so I get it OP.