To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

[StarShineHello]

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

What does "No one cares that much about your disability or whatever to be nosey!" mean?

@wombat15 I’m not sure but it seems like ableism to me.

I agree.

True, I suppose I wouldn't need to know and that certainly wouldn't be the reason for asking. I think people probably just ask as a way of showing they care tbh.

Observation from reading full thread = the lived experience of those living with skin conditions/visible disabilities is please stop asking it's wearing, intrusive and at times distressing. Everyone else on thread wilfully ignoring this and continuing to virtue signal.

But does a random hand in a bandage signal disability usually? Most people assume it's an injury which is not particularly sensitive

And even saying don't bring up disabilities... I'm sure some disabled people are happy to answer questions and educate people rather than it being some marker of shame that people have to pretend to be blind to

When you are randomly interrogating a stranger you can't be sure which it is though can you? It's weird and intrusive.

....and when you assume you make an ass etc.

It's not a "marker of shame" to want to keep details of medical conditions private. Noone is expecting you to pretend someone is not disabled but you don't need to know why.

I do respect that, but some people are open and welcome questions so I'm not sure that there is a consensus

you sound a little weird and attention seeking to be honest.

Of course some people don't mind but a lot do so don't ask.

No I think I’d like to be back to the good old days when people can say anything without offending everybody or getting their head bitten off.
Obviously you don’t need to say though, you’re allowed to say you’d rather not say or make
something up.

Exactly!

And the sneering at people saying actually, this impacts me, and it’s unpleasant, hurtful and tiresome because…

People with visible disabilities that appear similar to temporary injuries are saying very clearly they are harmed by this “polite, caring, kind” behaviour.

Why is no one commenting to acknowledge that?

Gosh I hadn’t thought of it from that point of view, thanks for sharing that, and I’ll try to get out of the habit of asking intrusive what / why / how questions to acquaintances, strangers and passers by.

Disabled or perma-injured people are really badly affected by this, and it feels like the vast majority not only don’t give a shit about that, but are actively peeved at us for not loving being on the receiving end of it every fucking day, for life.

That's quite funny lol. Hmm where did that come from

Actually, most people have developed strategies for getting it out of the way as quickly as possible, without derailing the encounter, or making themselves vulnerable by pointing out how intrusive and rude it is.

You can see how defensive people who do this nosey shit get when anyone dares to actually say they’d rather not be asked, and find it intrusive and horrible.

Sometimes I answer. Sometimes I deflect.

Very extremely rarely will I push back and say it’s none of your business, or (head tilts are you always this nosey / rude to people you just met or sat next to at the bus stop.

It’s not my job to make up amusing stories that let you feel like it was ok to be so nosey.

It’s not fun to spend the evening of a wedding party deflecting, evading, confiding, or being polite to 30 people who want to know “oooh what have you done to yourself then”

It’s tedious, tiring and ruins things.

And that added strain on top of chronic pain makes it all very unappealing.

So all of you on this thread who think we’re not fun at parties for daring to speak up and say it’s not ok to ask, bear in mind you are destroying the well-being of disabled people every time you do this. You are responsible for making parties very much not fun for them. Go you!

That’s lovely speculation on what you would do if you were visibly disabled.

Which you’re not.

Slow hand clap.

Being disabled already gets you treated like a contagious disease, an inconvenience, or a freak show. No one disabled is making hilarious japes about being a leper FFS

OP, as someone who suffered terribly with eczema for many decades, I just wanted to show some solidarity. Are you getting treatment for it that works for you?
A breakthrough for me was identifying an allergy to methoxydibenzoylmethane. It's an ingredient in so many products, even some products marketed as being suitable for sensitive skin. It's in a lot of cheap brands of body products but also some expensive ones. Also things like washing up liquid and lots of shampoos.
Once I stopped using products containing it, it really was a breakthrough especially as much of the eczema in later life was on my hands.
My only problem now is inability to read the very small writing on products now my eyesight is failing...I can't read the ingredient list so have to check online if I want to try a new product.
I hope you manage to get it under control as I completely understand how debilitating it is.

@dontstopmenowimhavingagoodtime We’re talking about someone going into a shop (other people work there), why would a shop worker ask her about her injury?

I guess people disagree, because the majority assumed it was at her own job.

Tell people you have tertiary syphyllis from prepping porn stars for filming. The straighter face the better

YABU it's just natural curiosity. It's the same as people mentioning the weather or I got 'So when are you due?' every few minutes when I was pregnant. (My bump was massive) I'm a waitress so I always make small take back as you never know you might be the only person that person gets to talk to that day. Having traveled quite a bit I've found 'small talk' is very British and is better than an awkward silence.

OP does not owe anyone an explanation about her medical conditions. Small talk should not be so intrusive and insensitive.

@Danielle9891 Lonely job, if OP buying stamps is the only person you see that day. Small talk isn’t asking a costumer about her medical story.

I have psoriasis on my hands and wear white cotton gloves...... my work colleagues call me Michael Jackson......personally I'm not offended and play along with it...... but Yanbu......I find it very embarrassing!

I mean I get why this would be frustrating for you.

But I also think people are naturally curious and some people are genuinely empathetic.

I can see both sides to be honest. I’d be annoyed at people ‘prying’. But I’d also think that maybe they were they were trying to make conversation and show empathy.