To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

[StarShineHello]

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

You’d probably be on here complaining nobody cared if they weren’t asking 😂

People are commenting as if it were your own work colleagues, who might know this is not the norm for you, asking for info.

It’s not.

It’s random people who encounter the OP as a customer in their place of work.

Speaking as a person with a permanent visible disability that is presumed to be an injury, and therefore open season for intrusive presumption by random strangers, i get how annoying this is.

UK culture deems it fine, or even actively polite, to ask a total stranger “what have you done to yourself” if they appear “injured”.

I’m not injured.

I haven’t “done” anything to myself - and unless you live with something like this you have no fucking idea how incredibly rude and hurtful it is to be asked that question, year in year out, for something you didn’t “do” to yourself and that causes serious chronic pain, all day and all night, for life.

I have a lifelong visible disability, and zero patience with intrusive insulting questions from strangers, acquaintances, passers by or shop staff.

Rant over.

On a more positive note OP, a well practiced deflection is the fastest way to close it down and move things along without somehow winding up judged as the rude one.

“Long story, not interesting” roll straight into a question or prompt they have to answer.

If they persist after that, a firm stare, “I don’t want to talk about it” and roll straight on again.

If they still go on, they’re indisputably being rude now, and you can tell them to stop, or to fuck off as the mood takes you.

If we were to reshape the world around every single what-if, what would we be left with? A hand bandage is going to be an injury without a sensitive backstory in the vast majority of cases. I’m not saying we shouldn’t consider what-ifs but this is a pretty extreme overreaction to say no one should ever ask about a bandaged hand

I can’t believe the number of people on here who think it’s acceptable to ask a stranger in the bank or post office about their injuries. Mind your business.

Your title is odd, I thought you meant your colleagues!

if you’re not happy with the customer service you’ve received, then complain

but tbh I’m surprised people even noticed it to comment on this.

It’s really not an “extreme overeaction” and by calling it that you’re reinforcing the culture that disabled people are open season for nosey questioning.

This

Yes, VERY misleading title!

"AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??"
And if no-one asked, I wonder if you would complain that you feel invisible? Honestly, they are not asking "a medical question" they are being solicitous of your welfare. They probably anticipate an answer along the lines of 'tripped and fell on gravel, scraped palm' or 'knife slipped, avacados eh!?!'.

It would be a very joyless world without the small talk oiling the wheels of social interaction!

Non intrusive options when spotting someone with a medical or mobility device on show include:

Would you like help packing your bag?
Let me know if you need additional assistance.
There’s a seat just here of you need it

It’s not that hard.

Just the whole nation has a terrible habit of going straight to “oooooh what have you done to yourself then?” as a sort of performative “kindness”.

It’s not kind for the people who live with this shit every day and won’t ever get better from whatever it is they didn’t do to themselves.

Why shouldn't they? I always ask. Normally its an interesting story, re gardening, cooking, stupid weekend activity etc, and in my experience the person I question always seemed very happy to tell me all the gory details. I personally would actually be upset if I come to work with a bandage and no one asks what happened - I would feel like no one gives a shit about me.

There is no requirement to be honest, OP. Just make something up - "oh, I was in the woods, there was a dog attacking a bunny, I tried to save it and got bitten!"

They asked out of conern

It would be a very joyless world without the small talk oiling the wheels of social interaction!
I don’t think we need to be asking invasive, potentially offensive questions to find joy. We can do better than that.

YABU. People who know you will ask out of concern. I think you're just feeling sensitive about it.

And you’d get silence from me on a good day, and a 🖕🏻 on a bad.

‘Natural curiosity’ is nosiness in a frock, by the way.

This thread is a perfect demonstration of why I hate attending events where lots of people are.

Imagine for a moment you have a permanently bandaged hand, or a crutch, and almost everyone in that room feels they can, and should, ask why and expect a polite response.

Think about how incredibly tedious that gets. It’s like a trap closing on you. A conversational inevitability, waiting to bore you to death, force you into disclosing for the millionth time, or make you responsible for letting them off lightly, every single time you chat with someone.

Some people would be offended if others didn't ask. I'm sure they don't mean anything by it. Just say it's a minor burn or make something up if you don't want to say

A black eye - unreasonable to ask in case of domestic violence

A bandaged hand - they probably expecting a bit of banter about how you injured yourself on the photocopier

@StarShineHello report your post and get mnhq to edit the title so people get that it is NOT your work colleagues.

It's not clear from your OP whether you mean your actual work colleagues, or genuine strangers asking you when they are at work, e.g someone serving you.

If one of my work colleagues came in with their hand bandaged up I would ask them if they were OK. If I were serving someone in a shop or bar and their hand was bandaged up I wouldn't mention it.

I think reasonable to ask. I was asked by my lecturer at university. I would never have had the confidence to bring it up myself. I was immediately offered an extension on an upcoming assessment task that was helpful.

Conversation is honestly dying.

Octavia64 You'd get a shock if you moved here. I'm long term facially disfigured and in a wheelchair and apparently it's everyone's business.

OMG! What happened to your face?

What did you do to yourself?

Did you have an accident?

How can you go out looking like that?

Why don't you get plastic surgery? (Cue Why, Why Why questions.)

There's no excuse to go round looking like that in this day and age! (Cue story of friend/sister/girlfriend who got her nose/birthmark/tattoo sorted out in Turkey.)

Why don't you do a Go Fund Me? (Cue Go Fund money fixed disability story.)

You're so brave to go out shopping! I'd never go out!

Don't you get upset when people stare at you? I would!

What happened to you?

Why are you in a wheelchair? I had one of those when I broke my ....
Cue story of them/gran/auntie/husband etc using one for three months.

Aren't your children embarrassed going out with you?

It was worse when I was a younger woman, but so much of it is just the need to point out that you look different to what they expect and that is apparently a problem, or they are seriously nosy and expect answers.
I actually look great in comparison to how I used to, and don't think I look that bad.

Ask me if I like Pangolins, listen to Slipknot, like/dislike the weather, or think you look ok in what you're wearing, and I'll assume you want an innocent conversation or are passing the time of day. Comment on what I look like and my obvious disabilities or why I'm like this, and I'll assume lots of things about you, you won't like, including that you've made yourself fair game for any comeback I feel like.

I have psoriasis, which varies in severity from OKish to itch-til-you-bleed. Until recently, it was all in areas not generally seen but now, particularly in the summer, it's quite visible.

I've had loads of students asking what it is (although some have eczema so take it in their stride) - the questions are usually along the lines of 'what causes it?' and 'does it hurt?' At first I was terribly self-conscious and didn't want to go out on some days but now I regard it as a learning opportunity for them and they're cool with it - and I'm not going to hide in the house because some people are ignorant and/or cruel.

I'd be tempted to tell them it was leprosy.