To think people at work shouldn't ask 'what happened to your hand?'

[StarShineHello]

Currently have a bandage on my hand due to a skin infection. I have bad eczema which got infected and in a very bad state.

I've had to wrap it up because it's just so gross to see.

Today five different people have asked me what's wrong with my hand.

I don't want to explain my medical issues to strangers.

I understand there's a level of small talk in the bank/shop/post office but to ask someone a medical question just seems rude? It was every shop I went in.

And I just lied and said I burnt myself because I didn't want to go into details about infected skin and my eczema.

AIBU to think people in general shouldn't ask things like that and especially in a professional capacity? It's common sense to not point out something 'wrong' with a customer??

@HoppityBun you don't have to discuss it more. If you say it is bad eczema what you will get back is - Ouch that must be painful or Oh my son/wife/etc has really bad eczema its tough or have you tried x miracle cure? No one will be asking for minute details of your eczema diagnosis and treatment.

and if they didn't ask and show concern you'd be posting that your work mates don't care about you.

why make up a story at all, either tell them or don't tell them?

Yabu. Some people are concerned, friendly and curious. I doubt they are being rude.

I made new friends after I broke my ankle as so many people would chat to me when I was hobbling around and ask me how I did it. I did cut short the chat with the local drug dealers dad though.

They are your colleagues. Theyre asking out of concern

If they didnt you would think they didnt care?.

Just say something flippent like shark bite. And move on if you don't want to talk about it

It's interesting isn't it. My daughter was unwell when she was born and for the first few months of her life and had a feeding tube. I was SO surprised how many people asked me why she had it. I'd never ask someone a question like that about a medical thing. But, I know they were genuinely just interested and I took it as an opportunity to educate people about her condition. One thing about the bandage though is that people likely assume it's an injury rather than a medical condition and so I wonder if that also makes them more likely to ask because they see it as less of a private thing.

I have a scar on my back from a burst cyst. It took a long time to heal and then had to be surgically reopened again to remove the cyst bag(?). The scar is circular shaped. If I'm ever asked I say I was shot as a teen. I have an excellent stoney face when required...

Small talk and showing concern are both just part of life.

You'll never (thankfully) stop people from doing it, so the onus is on you to deal with it.

Honestly, some people won't be happy until we're all acting like robots.

"My eczema inflamed" is hardly the height of personal medical information is it? You're not sharing news of a rectal prolapse or something, it's some irritated skin on your hand. I think your reaction to them asking is a bit odd really.

From the title I thought that your colleagues were asking (I don't think I'm the only one). In that case I think it's natural for them to ask and would be weird not to. There may also be health and safety implications that needed taking into account for you to work depending on the cause.

I understand from the OP that you mean strangers who are interacting you at their work. This is rather different and yes, I'd find it intrusive and unnecessary too.

YABU

if you come into work one day with your hand bandaged, people will ask.

Also, they're not expecting it to be a personal medical thing. They'll think it's an injury.

Also, if nobody cared, the injured person might still be unhappy.

Asking your students, yes. That does not extend to asking random strangers minding their business in a shop or the post office. That’s just you being a nosey busybody.

If I knew someone and they had a noticeable bandage I would probably ask if they’d injured themselves out of concern. If I didn’t know the person, no way would I ask what happened. It’s plain rude.
If someone has never suffered with eczema or psoriasis or other skin conditions, they probably don’t realise what it’s actually like to have almost every person you meet staring at it and being asked about it ten plus times in one day.
When you already feel self conscious, it can make it so much worse. Plus sometimes things like that are so itchy and uncomfortable, you are just trying to get on with things and put it out of your mind and it doesn’t help to be reminded of it all the time.

And also, sometimes conversations don't go exactly as we want them to. It would be miserable if we were all walking on eggshells around each other (as plenty of mumsnetters would probably like).

'Oh, I have a medical condition so I need to bandage it' or 'the skin was really sore' is generally enough to stifle any further questions.

OP is not talking about her colleagues.
Title might be misleading but she is talking about people at THEIR places of work, ie when she goes into the bank or into a shop.
Not. Her. Workmates.

They would rightly consider you very odd and unfriendly if you tried that.

OP, you're being precious here.

You got a deep scratch from a bramble and you're keeping it clean and dry while it heals.

Or - you have eczema and a patch on your hand became infected.

YANBU to be annoyed, as it IS annoying when person after person after person keeps asking you the same question. But YABU to be annoyed with them, as they are just curious, and don't realise they are the 13th person that week to ask!

I got a shiner 5 or so years ago after being whacked around the eye with a tin that came flying out of a wall cupboard, after I had balanced everything a bit precariously. It was really dark purple - and nasty looking for about a WEEK.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON looked at me and went . And the first place their mind went was to assume DH had hit me. I swear some people didn't believe me when I said I had been whacked in the eye socket by a can of beans!

@Thepeopleversuswork

The people asking your mum if everything was okay were concerned about domestic violence your mother may have experienced.

It is exactly what I have asked when female colleagues have appeared at work with a bruise on tne face.

Agree.

I don’t think it’s concern as much as making conversation. It’s just an easy way to open a chat as most people will assume you’ve hurt yourself and be ready to offer sympathy.

@johann12

its a dying art admittedly, but it's called conversation.

interacting with fellow human beings used to be such a pleasant activity

@StarShineHello

people are concerned & curious. There's nothing wrong with that, it's part of what makes the world turn.

i have a nasty scar you really can't miss, people often ask 'what did you do'??' depends how they ask, what they're like & what mood I'm in how I reply. Anything from 'parachute malfunction' 'knife throwing miscalculation' to the boring truth, I tripped over a log onto concrete & smashed myself up.

it's actually more weird when people don't ask.

just tell them the truth, it's hardly an STI! Or make something up 'stupidly grabbed the blade of the kitchen knife'. ' the kitten likes to attack my fingers'. Whatever you're comfortable with.

care concern & showing an interest are normal human traits, enjoy them before we are all just AI

A lot of people will ask. That's reasonable.

If you give a non-commital answer, that's reasonable too.

Most people will recognise that you don't want to talk about it, and back off. That too is reasonable.

Some people in your position will go into lengthy narrative detail. Having been asked, that's reasonable.

A lot of people will stop listening after the headline. That's reasonable too.

I think it would be really sad if you clearly had an injury and no one cared enough to ask about it.

@Bellsandthistle it's really not important who is asking.

@mathanxiety

It wasn’t my mum it was me. But my point is I was fine with it from people I knew and trusted. I wasn’t fine when it was randoms.

What are you supposed to say if Bob from accounts asks you about a black eye in front of a bunch of other people you slightly know. “Oh it’s just my husband knocks me about. Not a big deal.” If I know you well enough and you take me to a private place that’s one thing. Asking it just for the chit chat isn’t necessary.

Thetes a level of intimacy you have to achieve before you can ask these questions in my opinion. You should never ask a question if someone when there’s a risk they are going to find it difficult to answer you. It’s just common sense.

People are generally nice and well intentioned. "Oh dear, what happened to your poor hand?" No need to take the piss when people are being kind. "I splashed some hot water on it from the kettle" if you don't want, for some reason, to say "Oh, I have excema and sometimes it gets sore"